Archive

6.28.2005

Have a Festive Summer.


Yes kids, I'm still here, still alive and will eventually return the site to it's former glory. Here's a little piece of art I made just now for you to enjoy, so enjoy it, or else, don't. It's called "The Rise and Fall of the Mechanization of the Title-less Generation Number 5"

Since I didn't write a review for it I just need to say GO SEE BATMAN BEGINS if you have not, it's excellent, absotifusdfsfjwekfjly excellent. Thank you film piracy, now I only have to wait less than four months before movies come out on DVD. See! Good does come from evil. It's so freaking late right now...yeah I'm going to bed.

Have a nice rest of the summer, and I will see you again soon!

El Bretto.

6.01.2005

Infomercials. It's Information in a Commercial.

Well hello there. I was painting the hallway today when I realized why I was destined for greatness. I had the tv on in the other room and after "Ambush Makeover" there was a paid advertisement for 'Eye Q'. The proven Japanese method to improve reading comprehension. I love infomercials, they're not that different from regular commercials. They're really just like one 30 second commercial repeated fifty slightly different ways. It repeats itself, yet as it goes on it adds upon it's initial claim. Starting with "Improve your reading comprehension in just seven minutes! Go from 50 words per minute to 1500! Notice improvement after just one session!!!" At first it seemed to good to be true. But then they showed some former cop turned Oprah associate/ inner city reading program teacher thing. She told a very convincing story about how when she was a cop she would break into crack houses and notice that there were no books. So she made it her mission in life to bring books to the ghetto. Then she realized that little hoodlums do not like to read. So how was she supposed to teach them to enjoy it? By using a seizure inducing Japanese computer program, that's how.
She started getting teary eyed during her story, I was convinced.
Now that I was convinced, the infomercial added upon the initial claim of improved reading. "Scientists say that people only use 20 percent of their brain power! What if you could use the other 80 percent!!!??"
Well, you probably have the power of telekinesis or be able to foresee that Eye Q will go bankrupt.
The program says that it improves ALL brain and eye related functions. This is then verified by a REAL optometrist. "Believe you me, this will make you like a god. Not THE God, but a god! Like me, a REAL optometrist."

!!!!