He helped usher the Beatles into their 'Magical Mystery' phase, now THE FAMOUS Maharishi is bringing his eastern mysticism to the heart of conservatism, McLean county! My prediction...BIG SUCCESS.
I found this newspaper clipping lying at the bottom of my bedroom stairs, placed there by my dad who knows that I enjoy this kind of crap. After staring at it for a while I began to feel confused and frightened, in a distant, ambiguous way. The ad (as seen above from the daily Pantagraph) has an artist's rendition of the "peace palace" which says "to be built in Bloomington", ok, so they just want to spread the word and start making appointments, maybe get employees lined up. I was curious as to how large this planned "peace palace" was going to be, so I browsed my way over to the PP web page. Was it going to be an actual palace? Was it going to look like a palace on the outside but only have like three rooms inside? Or perhaps it would be a tanning salon next to the Aeropostale at Eastland Mall. I needed to know, I needed answers, but the website told me nothing, but in telling me nothing it revealed the plans for a one world nation with the Maharishi as it's antichrist. There are no real pictures on the website, only a couple cheaply done 3-d images of non existent "peace palaces", some generic information about the programs offered and some other info for building developers. But then there's a link to an article called "Invincibility to Every Nation" which is nearly unreadable thanks to the lofty idealist jargon. The article keeps using the word "invincibility" in a way that makes me think that they were thinking that invincibility meant something else or that perhaps they meant to put in a different word, like, stability? Maybe? Anyway, the article goes on to talk about how world leaders and other government officials can come to Maharishi Vedic University in Holland to learn the art of Invincibility...I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, not until this moment, I will be attending MVU in the fall.
I know, this is going nowhere, but stay with me...The sponsoring organization of all this "peace palace" and maharishi university stuff is the 'Global Country of World Peace"...
Google > search said organization > And here's their creedo if you want to decipher it, just for kicks..."Welcome to the official Portal of the Global Country of World Peace, which enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nations. In this scientific age we can create a Prevention-Oriented, Problem-Free Administration in any country through the application of the knowledge of total Natural Law—the Constitution of the Universe, which guides the infinite diversity of the ever-expanding universe with perfect order—discovered by the physical sciences (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, etc.) and sung by all the religions of the world as the Will of God. With the full support of Total Natural Law the world can now enjoy a new world order of affluence and peace."
In the words of Val Kilmer's Bruce Wayne "it just raises too many questions", especially to discuss in non book form, but here's the mother of all riddles: Why does a sentence discussing religious unity mention the Will of God?
And finally, to end this long and pointless essay, here's a snippet from above quote which nicely illustrates why world unity scares the *#%! out of me..."The global country of world peace enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nation".
"World unity disquised as world unity is the most dangerous form of world unity" ~ Brett Warren
The Army: "Accelerate Your Death".
Just kidding Luke, Though I will be extremely jealous if you get a war wound. And I'll be right behind you once they bring back the draft, I've got my fingers crossed. Aah! I want to kill, but not voluntarily.
Yessssssss, so I finished my one summer class today, Humanities 101, which was a very brief summary of every art form, ever. Pretty useless, but the teacher did have an english accent, so that was something, mmm hmm.
I'll try to get a couple new a stories a week on this site if I can, but my internet connection is a piece of crap right now. It took me about 45 minutes just to post this.
AAAAaaaND. I'm also looking for someone else to write the occasional story for the site, so if you want to do it, just e-mail me. Pleaaase.
I was watching TV the other day. It was FOX afternoon programming which consists of infomercials, Dharma and Greg and a few judge shows. But crammed into all that fabulous television is the greatest show of them all, a show that somehow surpasses Mad TV, current SNL and Suddenly Susan in terms of craptasticness...
Vin Di Bona, the man who brought such shows as; "Show Me The Funny", "The World's Funniest Videos", "America's Funniest Pets", "America's Funniest People", "America's Funniest HOME Videos", "Animal Crackups" and "America's Funniest Boating Accidents" now brings us "That's Funny" starring our host Rondell Sheridan, of Zoog Disney fame, aka the fifth whitest black man on the planet, right behind Cuba Gooding Jr., the Gumbel brothers and Wayne Brady.
The best part of "That's Funny" is that it tells us that it's funny, we don't have to try and make the distinction for ourselves any longer. It's funny, laugh. But unfortunately, if you ignore or didn't catch the title and are viewing it after it's already started, then it's simply "Not Funny", still starring Rondell Sheridan, the fifth whitest black man.
The second best part of the show is how every clip is pre 1992, nothing after. Is there nothing funny after that year? Maybe not, but maybe people post 92 got wise and realized that standing in line to perform stupid human tricks and other 1920’s slapstick in a mall food court is a waste of time. Maybe.
And my third favorite part of the show is how much I love comedy made by left brained people! It’s like my high school principal hosting a talent show, “I enjoy the occasional humor in my diet, to add a little spice to my daily routine, a ha, mmm yes.”
In conclusion, Vin Di Bona needs to give up on trying to revive what I call “deflected humor” which includes prop humor, body tricks or any other form of comedy that does not involve satire or commentary of any kind.
In fact, he needs to start a new show, hosted by Christopher Walken that brings back the old Shakespearean form of burlesque, farcical mockeries and he can call it “You’re an Idiot!”
and ain't it grand...
That's right, let the good times roll, we're back kids. If you want to know about any potential future long periods of time where there won't be anything new on the site, send an e-mail to whosinthenews@hotmail.com and say "I like pie" or "sign me up, fo real" and I will sign you up for the newsletter which I probably won't be able to figure out how to make work anyway.
Or maybe you don’t want to, maybe you like the excitement of checking the site everyday for new material, in that case, keep on checkin’.
Aaaah, so, what have I been doing this summer? Quite a bit actually, quite a bit. And I don't remember most of it, in fact I don’t remember much of anything, BUT, there have been a couple summer blockbusters that I never really wrote reviews for...
Batman Begins: The Imax experience - I already wrote a very positive review for Batman Begins, but I feel like I need to add some more thoughts after seeing it at an Imax theater last night. Ok, I absolutely loved this movie the first few times I saw it, but last night there were some things that kind of annoyed me or fell really flat. I'm not sure what happened, but a few of the previously small flaws seemed glaring to me now...
1. Katie Holmes just can't act, at all. Her expression for angry, in love, shocked and serious all look the same. It's like Derek Zoolander's "blue steel" look.
2. The death of Bruce Wayne's parent's has almost no emotional impact on me whatsoever. Maybe I'm totally desensitized, but I felt like I was trying to force myself to feel sad or stunned during the Wayne parent's death scene. Before I saw the film I knew that (for me at least) much of the believability of Bruce's character would hinge on whether or not you could identify with his pain, which would be accomplished through his parent’s murder. I know (in this movie) that the Wayne's murder is supposed to place the focus on evil men who created Joe Chill, but I still don't think there's nearly enough shock value. In Batman 89 you feel genuinely frightened during Bruce's flashback to his parent's death. The faceless evil comes out of the darkness and kills his parents for no real reason, it‘s a tragedy. In 'Begins' the murder is portrayed as too much of a fluke, an accident, so it's really not that painful.
3. The fight scenes, aaah. Didn't bother me in the least the first few times and I was even wondering why some people were complaining about them, but NOW...I can't see a friggin thing! There are times, like when Batman beats up the men at the docks, when the close-up, jumbled fight scenes work great. But I REALLY think that AT LEAST the last fight between Batman and Ras on the train should have been more Matrix-esque.
Other than those things, the movie is wonderful and still leaps and bounds above the previous bat films.
Aaand the next movie...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm still not sure what to think of this movie. Overall I enjoyed it, it's fun, but the mood of the film is kind of confusing. It's like a sugar coated kiddy movie with dark elements seeping through in places. It has Tim Burton's trademarks working as a thin skeleton which prop up these freakishly bright images.
The original Wonka created a magical place based within in the real world of groovy 1960's Germany. The new film tries to create those same magical elements such as the golden ticket contest and all the crazy personalities of the kids, in a much more confined, imaginary world, which reminded me of Ron Howard's Whoville. I really think most of the point (and magic) of the Charlie and the Chocolate factory story is based on being able to identify with Charlie and the desperation he feels. In this new film, Charlie lives in a fanciful world where desperation and poverty seem unreal and much of the sadness we're supposed to feel for Charlie is deflected by our investigation in Wonka's bizarre past which comes across as a cutesy side story or something.
Anyway, I’m done bashing. This film succeeds for a few reasons.
1. Burton's little evil twists and biting humor usually works. There are some hilarious moments in the film and some really strange humor that sets this one apart from the old Wonka. My favorite scene being when the contest winners enter the gates of the factory and watch Wonka's it’s-a-small-world-like animatronics who sing a song and then catch fire, melting into scary, disfigured robots right in front of the children and their parent‘s.
1. CGI - I hate it, I love it, I hate it...The magical world of Wonka's factory is finally realized now thanks to technology. His workshop is a far more expansive and imaginative place than it was in the old film.
3. And thirdly, of course, Johnny Depp is a freakin genius. The man can act (though some people may disagree "acting like a pirate is easy"). He succeeds in setting apart his Wonka from Gene Wilders, creating an equally loveable and equally unique figure, which is what was needed.
Back to my summer happenings: Luke is now living in my room. He’s been leeching off my room for days now with no end in sight.
It aaaalllllll started last week when his parents inexplicably kicked him out of his house. Luke says he didn’t do anything to cause it, and I believe him, but only because his old man is pure evil.
Anyway, maybe he'll write a story about it, I dunno, he may still be too bitter to discuss it, but hopefully he will reveal his tricks of the homeless trade and also discuss his plans for the future…and when the crap he’s going to leave.
What did I do today? Thanks for asking. Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll, Luke and I were driving back from old Nashville today. We were nearing Champaign, Illinois, close to home, when I started to lose consciousness. I had succumbed to what is known as “road hypnosis” which is caused by staring at the lines in the road...and this happened...REFER TO MAP>>>
Yep. Biggest detour ever. Remember: Click it or ticket it, booze it or looze it, drive hammered, get nailed and most importantly of all: "Keep your eyes on the prize and off the yellow line".
Well, it's the first of July, and I woke up like I do on any other day. I had gone to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 7:00 in the morning. Like usual I thought I had to work but I got lucky and got called off for the day. Now this is where the real story starts. My mom came downstairs and told me that somebody was coming to look at our house and that I should leave as soon as possible. Well, I'm about to walk out the door until I realize that I have no vehicle to drive around in. With nothing else to do, I decided to set out on a journey. This was a journey that I will never forget. I packed up my backpack and headed from my home in Normal to my Brett's house in Towanda. It took roughly two hours and you can look it up on mapquest if you really have to know how far it was. I managed to find several oasis' on the way and one lagoon. Once I parted from Constitution trail, I knew I was a free man. The grain bins and water tower, in Towanda, were my north star as I set out onto the quiet backroads of Illinois. I am pretty proud of myself for making it without a compass and almost getting hit by a John Deere tractor. It followed me for a mile or so until I ran out of energy. I thought I was a goner. Fortunately, it drove on by and I kept on trecking. That's pretty much the end of this story. It's not quite as interesting as I thought it would be. I may take random biking trips in the future because I actually enjoyed it. Could I go cross country? Only time will tell. Could I ride to the tip of South America? Only time will tell.
