Milk of Magnesia, You'll Rethink Your Life!

read this comic first or else you'll ruin all the fun. If you can't read the words just save the picture and then zoom in. Sorry for the bluriness, but you can still ge the gist of it if you squint real hard. I can't get it any clearer, I'm a failure, but I'm sure if you're dedicated enough you'll find way.

Why were you ever born? I don't know Ed, maybe it's because you were destined to wear your patent leather dress shoes to bed. But I think the more interesting question here is, why that clock is peering over your shoulder. Oh come on now, what's the problem Eddy? Hangover? Depression? You want to know how a guy gets any fun out of life? Well Edward, I'll tell you that drugs and alcohol are not the answer and that...what's that? You have a date with Little Joanie? Oh crap, she's cute. You'd better skidaddle down to the cupboard and find the elixir!
Startled by his mother's sudden entrance into the bathroom, Eddie tries to come up with an excuse for his condition off the top of his head...um gee ooh ah, it's constipation, mother, yes, yes, I need a laxative.
Edward soon regrets bringing up that topic, for the next hour and a half he stands in the bathroom with mother while she explains every detail of heartburn, acid reflux, indigestion, bowel impediment and her meticulously designed hair. Then, faster than the con-men of Funky Finger Productions, mother busts out the Philips, BAM! Ed contemplates mother's further ramblings..."two ways, at once? I dunno, how does that even work? Science? What does that have to do with anything? What is she even saying, who is this woman? I'll be ready by jig time? Joanie and I are planning to Jig, well I'm sold, give it to me mother!"
Unfortunately, Edward was not ready by jig time, he laid unconscious for three solid days, but let's not ruin his fun. What's that Eddy my boy? Life is worth living again? Well, let's not be too hasty, you still need to stop wearing those striped bowties. In the mean time, give Sinatra his suit back and go have some more Phillip's milk of MAGNESIA! Made from pure magnesium!