Archive

1.29.2009

Dear Michael Keaton,


...Please start making movies again. I know it's fun, easy and highly lucrative to do voice-overs for Disney animated movies, but I think it's time to consider a serious comeback. Don't get me wrong, White Noise was an extraordinary film, and Multiplicity could very well be the crowning achievement of your career, yet somehow I feel that something is lacking in the Michael Keaton department as of late. And so, I propose this great idea to help get you back on track, it's called "Watch Out! I'm Michael Keaton! " The show would feature you, Michael Keaton, as Michael Keaton, going about your normal routine (whatever that may be), except at certain designated times transforming into a character from one of your films! Just imagine all the mundane places you could burst into your trademark "not quite as crazy as Jack Nicholson" psychotic mode, making a huge scene and possibly freaking unsuspecting bystanders right out. And then when it's over you'll tilt your head ever so slightly, give that sideways glance of uncertainty, and then unleash your new catchphrase..."Hey, just Keaton'"...
Think about it.
Thanks, one of your loyal fans, Brett

enclosed is a portrait I spent many hours completing.

1.27.2009

Rare Earth, Celebrating Thirty Plus Years of Royalties

Has there ever been a song that's generated as much commercial/royalty based revenue than Rare Earth's "Celebrate"? If it weren't for the tricky time signature I'm confident this would have replaced "Happy Birthday" as the new Happy Birthday.
Every morning Peter Rivera skips expectantly to his mailbox to fetch the daily paper and his bundle of royalty checks that have just arrived.
"Dear Mr. Earth, we have decided to use your song in our new product advertisement for adult diapers and penis enhancement drugs"
"To: past and present members of rare earth, enclosed is a check in payment for usage of your 1970's classic r&b-funk super-hit "Celebrate, which we plan on using in our upcoming film "Celebrate" starring Owen Wilson and Renee Zelwegger, and a hundred other trailers of no particular relevance"
"Here, have $100,000,000 dollars, we plan on eventually using your song for any and everything we please, sincerely, NBC Television Corporation"

And of course it's no wonder that the auto industry is in trouble! If only the band could open up their hearts and wallets and return just a part of the massive revenue stream in the form of a bailout loan...as a small "thank you" gesture for the fact that car companies haven't stopped playing their song since the day it was released.

You're RIGHT! I do just want to celebrate...by buying a Kia! Yes!

I guess it's to be expected...is there anything more universal and elemental than celebrating? Everyone does it, and it doesn't even have to be a party or a superbowl per say, it could merely be the quiet gratitude for a good deed, or the satisfaction that comes from dumping a psychotic girlfriend. Or, just maybe, you want to celebrate another day of living...isn't that enough? I think so.