Amish Amusement

If you've ever been to an Amish village, gone to a craft store, seen an Amish person on tv or heck, even eaten Quaker oats, then you know that Amish folk aren't exactly exciting people. Usually the amish keep their distance but what happens when they open a themepark! I tell you what happens, Rockholm Gardens. As you pull your "horseless carriage" into the parking you don't even have to look because you know a thousand hidden eyes are peering at you. You try to ignore the creepy feeling of being watched as you stroll past an aged Amish man who appears to be in a demonic trance, and as you pass him he peers at you with glaring evil eyes. There really aren't any "gardens" in this place, just enough novelty items to attract old people. The first and almost ammusing landmark is the 8 ft tall oversized rocking chair. After sitting in the large chair, it quickly loses it's fun after about 34 seconds so you decide to go on. After visiting the chair there are two options, stand there and be board to tears or go into the giftshop. You walk to the ghostlike giftshop expecting cheap homemade food items, but as you stand there staring at the counter you notice overpriced major brands of candy. You decide to get one anyhow. "Hmm? I think I'll have the $3.99 Snickers bar. After standing there in the dark 110 degree weather for a half hour you decide to leave. Now it seems even hotter out, it's not the weather, it's your rage building up. You knew there was a Amish man watching you stand at the counter the entire time, you just knew it. The next big attraction is the Amish hero hall of fame, it's interesting enough but it's getting hot and you wanna go. Then your grandma comes running up to you with a bag filled with overpriced Amish goods."Isn't this so cute" she blabs on and on and then after you regain concsiousness you see that she is still talking "Oh this really nice Amish woman told me we should visit the house made of bottles!
"I'm pretty sure these are beer bottles grandma" you say while touching the smooth glass walls. The day continues and by now you've contemplated suicide. Finally it's time to go, after a day of pure, misery and desert like heat, the icy cold air conditioning of your car feels like the most wonderful thing ever!
Visiting an Amish "amusement" park does make you feel better about your life and makes you excited about things you never even noticed before! Like Color, communication, and modern English.