The Ring TOO

From the makers of the first mediocre film comes the new sequel "Ring Two" and that's TWO not 2. What's that? You liked the first? Well, too bad, this one is crap.

I don't know why I'm even writing a review for this but heee we is, so let's press on! It alll started when my buddy slick Willy and the gang decided we should all go see the much anticipated sequel; 'The Ring two', at friggin midnight. I guess Will really enjoyed the first or had some great memories of seeing the first one, or something, but he wanted to see it! So sees it we did. HOORRAAAY!
Me: "Where are we goooing? Ring 2?! I do NOT want to see this, uugghh, seven fifty?! Maaan, I'm just gonna sneak in. Where are we going!?"
and of course no one is listening to me.
But to my pleasant surprise, the ticket price was only six dollars after midnight! Still not worth it, but not quite as outrageous.
After purchasing my ticket, I headed to concessions where I bought 'the usual', the 'kid's combo'. It rocks, you get popcorn, a drink and a lil' packet of candy in a precious little box for only three fitty! That's like pocket change in 'theater money'! I then poured the delicious Cajun flavored powder stuff on my popcorn...
It's movie time!
After a half hour of commercials the trailers finally started. Ok, the Ring Two was NOT the highlight of the night, it was the trailer for some movie called "Red Eye". Never, ever before has a trailer gotten such a reaction from a movie audience I've taken part in. The trailer starts off with Cillian Murphy and that chick from 'The Notebook' flirting in an airport terminal, they then 'just-so-happen' to get seats right next to each other on the plane. They sit there, flirt some more, then the captain says something over the radio which I don't really remember. I think it was turbulence or something, then they quickly zoom into Cillian Murphy's eye which turns red, then it's over...yeah, that was it. The whole theater started cracking up, maybe it was just because it was so late, I dunno. I probably wouldn't laugh as hard if I saw it again, but it was great. Sure got my attention, I mean I'm not gonna see it, but the trailer was marvelous.
Anyway, the Ring Two started. Naomi Watts and her son Aiden "Red Rum Jr." move to another town after having their lives ruined in the previous film. They go about their new lives all happy like, everything in our wonderful life is sooooo perfect now...oooooor is it? DUN DUN DUUUN!
No, it isn't and now we get watch 111 minutes of their boring lives being ruined for a second time and that's pretty much all that happens. Naomi and her disturbingly cliché son run from the evil, devil-child Samara, yep. It takes Naomi's character 30 minutes to figure out the "Ring" tape has returned to terrorize her Seattle suburb. It then takes her about 45 minutes to figure out her son is possessed by Samara. THEN, it takes her 25 minutes to talk to Sissy Spacek to figure out WHY her son is possessed then in the last 11 minutes we get a mildly tense climax. But no matter how "tense" it gets, it doesn't really matter, by the end you care so little about the characters that you're actually hoping for their death.
I like to pretend like I learn something from every movie I see, no matter how terrible it may be. I can't really think of anything for this one, but uh, I guess if I ever direct or write my own horror movie I'll know not to have A BUNCH OF HUNDRED YEAR OLD MOVIE CLICHES in my movie!!!
Cliché 1: Children of the Corn - yeah, stop it. It was cool in The Shining, it was cool in The Omen, it was cool in about A THOUSAND other horror movies but the whole demon possessed children thing is dead. It doesn't have any value whatsoever any longer. Here's something that would shock and surprise me...a kid that actually acts like a kid.
Actually that's all the clichés I can think of.

Anyhew, I'd probably give this movie a rating of about 6.65, but the scene where all the badly done CGI deer attack Naomi and Lil' Danny Torrence's car was enough comic relief to bump up the rating to 6.66 out of 10 Ringus...MWAHAHAHA!!!