The Ambiguously Gay Trio

If there was one thing people loved in the 80's, it was action, American's craved it, they needed it, but all they could do was sit and watch it on the television and in the theater, they couldn't act out their violent tendencies and still avoid jail time. So, when videogames finally reached the mainstream it was a no-brainer...Sure, jumping on the heads of turtles and shooting ducks was an acceptable short term deterent, but people deserved more and the lust for blood was not yet quenched. What they wanted was to kick @$$ on the mean streets of New York city from the safety of their own home and be able to select from 2-3 different characters which accurately represent their inner New Kid On The Block. They wanted to feel what it was like to be accepted into the street fighter sub culture, to see life through the eyes of someone who could beat the crap out of them. They wanted someone to ask them the question: "are you a bad enough dude?" And in the vein of all previous sidescrolling button smashers such as Double Dragon, Ninja Turtles, Bad Dudes, Final Fight, River City Ransom, Two Crude Dudes and Streets of Rage, we have one of the less interesting ones; COMBATRIBES. Combat-tribes. Ultimate warriors, vigilantes who solve the worlds problems one beating at a time.
I admit I enjoyed this game enough to not delete it off my computer, because it was either ripped off or developed by the same people who did River City Ransom, a classic NES game where you could punch, kick and throw most anything not tied to the ground. There was a simplicity about the action that made it very smooth and satisfying. But, I lost interest in this game after the introduction story. I mean in most other action games you KNOW what you're fighting for; a woman, the president, to save the city from certain destruction, but here, eh, it's too ambiguous and I'm too impatient to get through enough of it to figure out who the ground zero gang is. I don't even care.

As part of Osama Bin Laden's secret Al-Queida training his operatives would learn various occupations to fit in and terrorize America, some men learned to fly airplanes, some would become businessmen and some became videogame developers, who were responsible for this intro text.
The COMBATRIBES have also learned of another secret organization working for ground zero: "The Red Cross".

LONG PAUSE...
Their powers of deduction; solid...their widows peaks; legendary.

Here's the part of the game where I stopped playing. I hate clowns anyway, but these guys just aren't fighting fair, that purple one nailed me with a bowling pin in the back of the head. Idiot.

Look at me beg for mercy! Those silly clowns are ruthless. Look at em! Choking me and biting my fro.

All this retro action gaming got me to thinking...these types of games have all but disappeared! Yeah, we have Grand Theft Auto, Dead to Rights, that one Jet Li game and Max Payne but it's not the same, there isn't the same glamourizing of the street, surviving on nothing but your fists and your super cool jumpsuit and super cool hairdo, so I plead desperately with Nintendo and Sony and Microsoft, PALLLEEEAAAAASE MAKE THIS INTO A GAME AND OR MOVIE>