"And when the wombat comes, he will find me gone..."

I was thinking about Wombats today, about what they really are, what they do, what they mean in the overall scheme of things. I don't know. But I do know they're very underrated creatures, so underrated in fact that no one really cares about them, not even Google - who gives the first search result to the Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society...even better, if you type in just "Wombat" and hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button you get the Australian search engine Web Wombat which currently outranks South America's Slothsearcher.com. Type in a search there and the engine pokes at your inquiry for a while, then takes a cube shaped crap on it.
All this lack of appreciation started to concern me of a possible conspiracy to suppress the wombat. A question arose...why are all the other Australian marsupials so popular and loved, while the wombat, not? Kangaroos: they get their own brand of shoe, co-star in the Winnie the Pooh cartoons and books, get over fifty songs written about them (only 3 about wombats), thirty tv shows and movies...including Captain Kangaroo and their starring role in this gem "The Warriors of Virtue" aka 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: The New Age Kangaroos'.Next are Koalas: they get their own delicious chocolate filled cookie, the classic nickelodeon cartoon 'The Noozles' and its ripoff 'The Little Koala'.
Wallabies? They're even smaller, cuter and more loveable than kangaroos, 'nuff said there. People love em! They want em!
Bandicoots - Crash Bandicoot. That ring a bell? No? Remember Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah? Well Crash was the 3D Sonic ripoff for the Playstation, quite popular too, lots of crappy spinoffs.
And finally...opossums, well, they get plenty of attention due to the fact that they're hideous, stupid, disgusting and always laying dead on the side of the road. One day I was driving along and one of these things was just standing there in the middle of the road, perched on its hind legs, just staring at my oncoming vehicle. I was just about to hit the gas because I hate them, but I also feel sorry for them, and there's no way I could bring myself to (knowingly) run over any creature, even a stupid possum.
Anyway...
WOMBATS...they get nothing! "Why"? you say. Why do they deserve any attention? Who cares anyway? It's just a fat, dumb animal...possums down under...
WHY!?!...BECAUSE! I had a dog once as you might remember, his name was Watson and he was part wombat. Well, Watson was the wisest animal I've ever met in my life. That's right, he was fat, he was slow, he had short legs, he liked to dig with his snout...See the resemblence? Even our other dog looked oddly similar to another famous Australian monster.
My very loosely supported argument is THIS...if wombats are even half as wonderful as my old dog was, well, then they deserve twice as many shows, twice as many shoes, twice as many video games, twice as many cookie brands and twice as many songs as the other marsupials who get hit by cars FAR more than the wombat, fact. So who's fat and slow now? Jerks.
That is all. Good day sir.

Patrick Bateman's "Song of the Day":
Today's Song: Take Me With U by Prince.
"I think this is one of Prince's more brilliant pop songs that isn't included on any of his greatest hits, which I find highly regrettable. For me, too much of his later work was overy sexualized and catered to the heavy R&B scene, which I find difficult to relate to. Along the lines of his classic 1985 hit "Raspberry Beret" this elegantly arranged tune is one of his rare acoustic-rock driven numbers. It starts out with a rousing drum roll that gently carries the listener down into the vocal harmony accompanied by a bouncy string section and acoustic guitar. At first the lyrics and tune seem absurdly simple and sing-songy but it quickly manages to find sharp focus thanks to Prince's consistent vocal delivery and backup vocals by Apollonia Kotera, who contributes an innocent and sharp quality, as well as added dimension. Here, Prince and his lover, Appollonia, sing of the simplicity of romance, really getting to the heart of the matter in their plea to one another that time, location and subject matter are frivolous. All they truly need is one another. Profound, to say the least.


Photos From
"Holding the Wombat" http://astro.berkeley.edu/wombat/wombat2.jpg
"Tazmanian Devil with Babies" http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d84/JohnCampanelli/TasmanianDevil01.jpg
"Wombat Peeking Over Log" http://www.dbmi.columbia.edu/~elc7001/pics/australia/wombat.jpg