Due to the overwhelming success of a previous post regarding the dreaded Nouveau Tech organization I thought I'd take another crack at uncovering this epic mystery. I might even try and cash in by writing something along the lines of DaVinci Code...or an in-depth, historically based analysis that someone else will wrap in an easily digestible candy coating for the masses.But now for the big reveal...after literally minutes of research I have unmasked a web of conspiracy whose roots are laden in the deepestmost trenches of the Dutch saran wrap industry.
This particular "industry" who parade themselves as Nouveautech prey on the low self-esteemed by sending letters that promise "ungodly POWERZ of mynd cuntrowl and dominayshun of enemies forever and ever, amen." Like I mentioned in my previous article, or maybe not, I admitted that yes I felt a tinge of excitement and lust for power and riches when I received my letter. And I'm extremely skeptical and unimpressed at everything so of course it's only natural that others would react with childlike giddy at the promises they read. Ergo, what does the common man do when he or she wants to know the solid facts, the whole truf? They go on the internet and search Google to see if others have received said powers. Here's where this gets heavy...besides my own post on the subject there are literally ENDLESS hits of sites based on different variations of Nouveatech, all of which have no content whatsoever. Obviously entrepenuers are sitting on domain names waiting for the time to emerge, waiting for something...
However, there is one site that has interesting content...http://www.nouveautech.nl/index.html
It seems harmless at first, a few paragraphs written in gibberish, some pictures of small kitchen products...but what do these symbols mean?
"Wij zijn een bedrijf dat zich toelegt op het co-produceren van krimpfolies voor de verpakkingsindustrie.
Onze unieke werkwijze omvat het produceren van een eigen kwaliteit polyolefine krimpfolie op zeer moderne voor ons gereserveerde meerlaags extruders.
Door deze reservering van productie capaciteit zijn wij in staat een bijzonder goede kwaliteit - prijsverhouding te hanteren.
Tevens kunnen wij via een uitgebreid netwerk van buitenlandse producenten onze klanten voorzien van vele soorten LDPE, HDPE, PP en complexe materialen zoals schalensluit- en gecoate folies.
Onze missie bestaat uit het begeleiden van klanten in het vinden van de juiste combinatie "product" en "verpakkingsmateriaal"."
Que? Yes, you guessed it correctly, this is actually Dutchese, language of the Netherlands, home of the Frenchy bastard himself; Sir William of Orange. Roughly this translates to...
"We are a business that self add on the assistant-produce of shrinkage foils for the packings industry.
Our unique method encompass the producing of an own quality polyolefine shrinkage foil on very modern for our reserved lake layer extruders. Through this booking of production capacity its we in state a particular good quality - price proportion to handle. Also can we via an extensive network of foreign producers our customers foresee of many kinds of LDPE, HDPE, PP and complex materials as schalensluit- and gecoate foils.
Our mission consists of the accompanying of customers in the finding of the right combination "product" and "packings material"."
Shrinking Foils? Packing industry? Layer Extruders? LDPE, HDPE, PP?! Gecoate foils? Shalensluit?! Awhaaa?!
"product"..."packing material"...It's all coming together.
As I began to dig deeper I found myself at the website of a parent company called "Industrial Techno Service" Parent company of Nouveautech and Nouveauwrap, the main page of which reads:
"Our approach to the industrie is one of "solution engineering" and we always will try to achieve the most optimal result.
To do so we have four devisions each specialised in their own area."
Industrie? Common mistake...but "Four devisions"? Curious, this is a very deliberate attempt to lead us toward something...BUT WHAT? If you separate the word into its two sensical basic forms "de" which is commonly "of" or "the" in many languages and "vision", which is self explanatory, we arrive at the ONLY hit on google...hundreds of pages regarding the famous German synth-pop group known as De/Vision...a band who just-so-happened to release a song right after the turn of the new millennium titled "Reinvent Yourself" from their "Void" album. The song repeats the following phrase...
"So predictable
And conventional
Just re-invent yourself
Nothing fictional
It's only natural
So re-invent yourself
Mental infection
The answer lies in you"
Bingo. More Nouveautech subliminal messaging of which De/Vision is no doubt a part of. But there are still more questions...why would a German pop group be in league with Dutch packaging material manufacturers dispersing letters under the guise of ancient secret hawkers? Why all the empty web domains?
To unravel this web of enigma I went deep undercover sending hundreds of e-mails and doing the unthinkable...actually paying for Nouveautech's "secret book". A man, who we shall call "Kownan Ohbreyin" contacted me via skywriting and told me to meet him at the local Starbucks, but by Starbucks he meant the other Starbucks. nice. I waited there for a good two or so hours until I noticed a vacant laptop computer with Craigslist casual encounters page loaded. Highlighted was a listing for some kind of minagatwa. The contact led me to a place unrelated to this mystery.
The next day I received a package from UPS, inside was a letter that said "Hello, you, this is Kownan, why weren't you at Starbucks? Meet me via telephone in 3...2...1" and then the phone rang and a prerecorded message informed me that two more installment payments were needed before a second meeting could be arranged. I obliged, in fact I mailed them my credit card. That seemed to do the trick, the next day I received an Amazon.com order confirmation for a mysterious purchase that would be sent via carrier pigeon. Two long hours passed and a pigeon did not arrive, but a young boy with red hair and freckles arrived on a tricycle, pulling into my driveway. He stared at me for a moment then pulled a manila envelope from his suit jacket and placed it carefully on the pavement, pedaling away. I carefully opened the envelope with great anticipation, wondering what secrets lay hidden in its insignificant paper exterior. Inside was a coupon for three months of free web hosting (four if I included a banner on my site linking people to de-vision.com) and a letter welcoming me and notifying me that I had been ushered into the secret league of Dutch Packaging Industry shareholders. I could now "repel all enemies such as mold and staleness without them ever knowing it."
And finally, if you receive an offer for this...in the mail, don't pass it up. It's the real deal.
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