International Star Registry

It makes the perfect gift...and makes for the most perfect scam of all time.

I can imagine a few resourceful twenty-somethings sitting around a broken coffee table, passing a dutchie and tossing out ideas for their own version of the pet rock. An asinine product that will help them achieve their dream of living permanently as grad students. They brainstorm, concepts fly, some hit the wall, some hit close to the mark, some life long bonds are formed, some hearts are broken...until finally it clicks. An endless commodity of a romantic nature?
No, you pervert...it's STARS.
Of course! Stars!
As presents!
Perfect.

1. Little to no overhead cost - God provides the capital
2. You can never run out of stars - however the universe IS expanding, so product DOES expire, unfortunately.
3. People are stupid
4. People aren't going to check to make sure the patent on their star name is not repeated.
5. People love having things named after them. Especially large gaseous object trillions and trillions of light years away.

It's so simple. In the olden days two lovers would lay on the hood of a 57 Chevy and exchange meaningless gestures of affection. The boyfriend would point out a certain star and say..."see that? That's for you, sugarlips, I wonder if there are any hot alien babes as hot as you living there, oooh yeeah" and then move in for the kill.
Now, however, we're in the age of thoughtless gifts; store credit, burnt CDs, e-cards, cell phone plans, restraining orders. Women want contracts, not promises. They don't actually want the star, they want the security of knowing that you called a 1-800 number, gave your credit card information, and had an "as-of-yet-undiscovered" star in an "as-of-yet-unknown" quadrant of space assigned her name..."Stephanie"...the red dwarf. AKA Beta Centari 293847298367854305823-4958-2103492-34-0002. The registry operator mindlessly scribbles down the name on a piece of notebook paper and shuffles it into a makeshift folder comprised of a Mexican pizza container from Taco Bell, which is then slid under the couch to be later filed under "Jackasses".
What very few people know is that if you happen to have a rare or unusual name like Trig or Apple or Orangelo or God Shamgod, you have to pay extra because usually they just lump similar names together...such as Jeff and Geoff or George Bush and John McCain. In actuality Stephanie is sharing a planet with whatever other Stephanie's (and Stefani's and Stefunee etc) whos boyfriends have "purchased" them a star. Another reason to date girls with the same name, it saves money...
This also raises the question as to why there isn't the option of naming other cosmic phenomenon after loved ones. Black holes, dark matter, asteroids, nebula, alternate realities, the monolith from 2001. The hate industry is very underrated, under appreciated and untapped in many regards. They should really think about expanding their catalog.
In conclusion, I hope to God that if and when we discover an inhabitable, earthlike planet, that it's not named something stupid like Amanda.
A thousand years from now when a descendant of Will Smith remakes Independence Day I don't want him saying "Welcome to Amanda". That would suck.