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4.20.2009

The Current State of Chairs

As we all know, chairs have been around since the dawn of time. Abraham used them to lead the children of Israel to the promised land of Canaan, Mark Twain made them famous by dying in one, and were most likely enjoyed by Caesar as he whipped the backs of slaves. They're just a natural by-product of human relaxation; man finds wood, man makes chair, chair bore Ug! Ug want arm rest and gentle forward to back movement!
And he saw that it was good...because it's truly elemental. It soothes the inner infant. It keeps the blood flowing and promotes a healthy bowel movement.
Which brings me to the point, which is, why has chair technology development been so stagnant the last 500 years? Was the "rocking" design truly so flawless in approach that man needn't consider further possibilities? Even so, where were the charlatans with their proposed upgrades over the years?

"I think it's Because people use recliners and magic-fingers now if they require prolonged comfort."

Shut up, is what I think...

Here's what I've got in mind, (aside from my conspiracy theories about the Amish) as I peer into the near future and my own imagination I see various feasible options for the next step in the chairs' evolutionary process.
Phase One: the Chair
Phase Two: the Rocking Chair
And, get this, Phase Three will be the "Magnet Chair". Magnets, that is the correct answer.
People will simply consume more zinc and iron in their NASA regulated diets, and a specially arranged array of super-magnets will repulse the person just enough that they relax comfortably suspended in mid air. Of course this will cause massive internal tissue damage and such, but whatever.

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