This is a question on all our minds, it is the 21st century after all...hey, where the aliens at? Are we not good enough for invasion and subsequent harvest? Are we not fat enough to be used as living batteries? What's the deal? My self-esteem is starting to wane. Sure, we may not have anything cool to trade with you but we would make pretty good slaves, and we'll throw in Bjork as added bonus Eh? How 'bout it?
What's that? You have robots for that? It's unethical? You don't want Bjork back? Fine.
You don't have to be so timid, I saw you creeping around that Mexican kid's birthday party in Signs, you looked lonely. I mean there are plenty of weird people who would gladly volunteer to be subjected (or be sacrificed) to your probes.
Oh, I get it. Your civilization just-so-happened to develop interplanetary travel as its first major achievement in the same way that we discovered fire. Right. You don't have any communications devices or gear to survive in our atmosphere. You're just little-naked-green-men who gallivant around the Milky Way in your tin saucers like sightseeing jackasses. Well this tourist attraction ain't free, get it? We want more fossil fuels and we know you have it.
Hmm, perhaps we have it all wrong. Perhaps it's our mission as planet earth to find the nearest inhabitable planet that's still in the Bronze age and crush them, mercilessly, thus fulfilling the galaxy's need for someone, somewhere, to be invaded. The Martian cousin of Francisco Pizarro will be on his way to conquer their equivalent of the Incas when we show up, and his mind will be thoroughly blown.
The great futurist George Lucas might have foreseen correctly in his depiction of very-white imperialists enslaving alien cultures, we have had a lot of practice at it. It seems it is you then that should be cowering in fear.
I give up. Stop calling my house and I won't have to go through with that restraining order.
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