The Ever Suspicous Gold Dollar

Upon close examination of these gold dollars my first question was, "why in the the name of judas did the government give us these?!"
It's been about eight months now and I still don't know. I swear I've never seen 1 person use a "sacagawea" dollar! Never!, Never ever. Not one single person, Except myself. I don't know about you but It makes me feel rich when I have a pocket full of huge gold coins. The worst part about these golden dollars is the strange looks I get from people when I try to use the coins to purchase something. It's like geez money is money! Just take it for cryin' out loud! I also dislike the coin because Sacagawea is far les attractive than Susan B. Anthony.
Now is where I warn you about the government conspiracy surrounding the dollar. First off, have you ever noticed how the coin fades a wierd dark brown color? If not go look at one it's probably not a shiny gold. This happens because the government is now trying to take the penny out of circulation. For years the penny has been used to take fingerprints of americans. All pennies made from 1990 on are this way.
The government is now using the gold dollar for fingerprints and The Mark Of The Beast! Go now and write your congressman. No forget him, write the president! Tell him you hate the gold dollar, do it for the good of America!