America's Slow Heritage

I become teary eyed and shaky kneed when I see the way people now-a-days hustle and bustle about. Lookin' all fancy with their crankless telephones and horseless carriages. If good country folk like Mark Twain, Honest Abe or Uncle Herschel were to see us today they would spin 2 1/2 times in their graves, take a sip a jack daniels and say "Slow down there chief!" When was the last we sipped some lemonade on the front porch with pappy and just watched him widdle? Or when was the last time you went down by the "crick" and watched the north fight the south? Probably never! Like a famous person(Me) once said, "It ain't how much ya can accomplish in a day, it's how much you can appreciate it."
I can remember when me and "Tom Sawyer" used to freely frolic in the flower filled fields. Usin' sticks to beat each other with, buildin' forts n' such and talkin with tin can telephones. Now kids are beatin' each other with computer games, buildin' portfolios and usin cell phones. We will probably never see the days of corn fritters n' home cookin' again. Not unless good honest country boys like Uncle Herschel, J. Edgar Hoover, Mussalini and Michael Jackson are cloned and they rise to power, restoring good ol' fashioned America!