Dora the Explorer. Ignorance for Toddlers.
I have a “bone to pick” with this up and coming trendy Nick Jr. television show about a
Spanish speaking girl and her monkey friend “Boots”. For those of you who
haven’t seen the show, every episode Dora and Boots have to follow a path to accomplish some
stupid, pointless task. OK, now for my problems with the show...
1. There is a fox called Swiper, and as his name suggest, he swipes things.
When he shows up Dora asks the kids to say “Swiper no swiping, Swiper no
swiping!” and as a result he doesn’t swipe. What are we teaching or kids? The
next time they are in an alley and some homeless bug starts coming at them,
they are going to start yelling “minority no raping, minority no raping” and
expect it to work. Well, it won’t.
2. In the show, Dora has many friends that only respond to Spanish so the show
is educational. What is this? We are doing everything but open the American borders
so every Cuban can load the family up in a inflatable raft and come over for
some good ol' feed the poor food shelf in these here United States.
3. SHES FAT!!!! Why are we teaching out kids it's ok to be fat when it isn’t.
Fat people are useless and need to be made fun of, not told “it’s ok, its not
your fault."...No fatties swiper, no fatties indeed."
That’s all for tom, and man do I hate fat kids.
1.01.2003
Watson the Wombat
My dog Watson is starting to get very very old... The old shnauzer also known as "the wombat" has been in our family for ages and ages, he's like part Grandpa, part brother, part slave but he's always just sort of been there to talk to. That's what I like about him and most pets, they just sit there and stare, not really listening but that's why it's a good thing. They don't know what you're saying so they can't tell your secrets or judge you. We got Watson in California back in 1994 and even then he wasn't a puppy. He's starting to lose his vision and hearing and part of me thinks he's faking it, or just ignoring me. That's always been his attitude. He's a caring dog, yet I just know he purposefully does stuff just to get me PO'd. But now that he's getting old I take it easy on the yelling, giving him the occasional laugh when he runs into something on accident or sits there when I call him from 10 feet away. He used to always follow me around constantly but nowadays his bowels are fragile so he spends his days in retirement on the back porch. He's lived a full rich doggy life going on about 84 in dog years. I'm not sure what the point of this story is, I guess it's just an ode to an easy going dog who has always been a stable fixture of the Warren family.
Theories on the Location of the Holy Grail Revealed!
There are two theories about WHAT the Holy Grail is. The first and most common is that it was the cup of christ, used during the last supper and which caught Christ's blood at the crucifixion. This cup was stolen by Joseph of Aramathia, taken to Avalon, then stolen about a thousand more times and searched for by King Arthur and Indiana Jones in many legends.
The Second theory is that the cup of christ or the "holy grai" aka san greal aka sang real was a vessel or "cup" which carried the blood of Christ. Hmm, what carries blood besides cups and baggies at hospitals? People's bodies! So according ot blasphemers, Christ perhaps had a decendent. We're not going to look at that though.
So where is the holy grail you ask? Where can you find the key to long life and fortune?
Well, after it was used at the last supper it probably remained in the house which it took place, for about 20 years maybe. Then after one of the many times Jerusalem was ransaked, the house where the holy grail was most likely burned to ground, rebuilt and burned again, thus destroying the grail.
But wait you say! I thought it was taken to the crucifixion and used to catch the blood of christ?
No, there weren't fast food restraunts then, so people didn't walk around holding cups.
The Second theory is that the cup of christ or the "holy grai" aka san greal aka sang real was a vessel or "cup" which carried the blood of Christ. Hmm, what carries blood besides cups and baggies at hospitals? People's bodies! So according ot blasphemers, Christ perhaps had a decendent. We're not going to look at that though.
So where is the holy grail you ask? Where can you find the key to long life and fortune?
Well, after it was used at the last supper it probably remained in the house which it took place, for about 20 years maybe. Then after one of the many times Jerusalem was ransaked, the house where the holy grail was most likely burned to ground, rebuilt and burned again, thus destroying the grail.
But wait you say! I thought it was taken to the crucifixion and used to catch the blood of christ?
No, there weren't fast food restraunts then, so people didn't walk around holding cups.
Michael Moore Hates Santa Claus
Around election time it is often said by people of the right winged persuasion that writer and director Michael Moore is anti-American and anti-support our troops, that he indeed "Hates America". But every single year when the holiday season rolls around, there's someone that Michael hates "Moore" (Clever!) than America....
In Michael Moore's universe the term "stupid white men" equates to those who are a) CAUCASION b) MALE c) OLD d) REPUBLICAN e) POLITICIANS and or CEO's. So when it comes to Chris Cringle it's only natural to put two and two together...in the history of the world very few people have controlled such a large global merchandising empire that Santa Clause has. He is responsible for over 40% of Christmas gifts for the average household and his market spans over all English speaking countrys, catholic and protestant countrys, military occupied countrys and Japan. Now you might be thinking, "well then that means that Moore hates other holiday icons too, like the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, St. Patrick, the Great Pumpkin and the Kawanza Monkey". No, no it doesn't, all these holiday icons are minorities, case closed.
Besides being a corporate fat cat who promotes a religious oriented holiday, there is another reason why Michael Moore hates Santa Clause. Santa's work force is deplorable and goes totally against all equal opportunity employment laws. "NAY!" ye may be thinking, "Santa employs midgets! That's a disability, isn't it?!" Absolutely not children...Santa employs elves which are are not technically midgets and if we've learned anything from Lord of the Rings it's that Elves are the whitest and most elite spieces. They have super vision, super speed, nice hair and are all beautiful. Besides not being old, Elves embody everything that Michael Moore is against; healthy, hardworking people who have an awesome army.
Before we get out our torches and pitchforkes we have to stop and decide if Michael Moore's justification for hating clause is understandable.
No. It isn't. But there are two reasons why we can and should hate Santa...
1. Santa takes all the attention away from Jesus on Christmas, maybe it's not really his fault, like all the problems in society IT'S THE FAULT OF THE CHILDREN! They are distracted by Santa's promise of material goods every year, shame on you kids.
and 2. If you move the n past the a in santa you get satan!
In Michael Moore's universe the term "stupid white men" equates to those who are a) CAUCASION b) MALE c) OLD d) REPUBLICAN e) POLITICIANS and or CEO's. So when it comes to Chris Cringle it's only natural to put two and two together...in the history of the world very few people have controlled such a large global merchandising empire that Santa Clause has. He is responsible for over 40% of Christmas gifts for the average household and his market spans over all English speaking countrys, catholic and protestant countrys, military occupied countrys and Japan. Now you might be thinking, "well then that means that Moore hates other holiday icons too, like the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, St. Patrick, the Great Pumpkin and the Kawanza Monkey". No, no it doesn't, all these holiday icons are minorities, case closed.
Besides being a corporate fat cat who promotes a religious oriented holiday, there is another reason why Michael Moore hates Santa Clause. Santa's work force is deplorable and goes totally against all equal opportunity employment laws. "NAY!" ye may be thinking, "Santa employs midgets! That's a disability, isn't it?!" Absolutely not children...Santa employs elves which are are not technically midgets and if we've learned anything from Lord of the Rings it's that Elves are the whitest and most elite spieces. They have super vision, super speed, nice hair and are all beautiful. Besides not being old, Elves embody everything that Michael Moore is against; healthy, hardworking people who have an awesome army.
Before we get out our torches and pitchforkes we have to stop and decide if Michael Moore's justification for hating clause is understandable.
No. It isn't. But there are two reasons why we can and should hate Santa...
1. Santa takes all the attention away from Jesus on Christmas, maybe it's not really his fault, like all the problems in society IT'S THE FAULT OF THE CHILDREN! They are distracted by Santa's promise of material goods every year, shame on you kids.
and 2. If you move the n past the a in santa you get satan!
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