I’ll give Coldplay this much, they’ve successfully warded off the slew of U2 comparisons and become…successful. Are they still like U2? Yes, but at least they have a piano, and a different socio-political agenda. Will they ever be as good as U2? F no. I’m not here to argue that, because the idea is absurd, unless the god of rock and roll suddenly grants them a couple more perfect albums, at least fifteen more hit songs and the ability to finally carve out their own perfectly original musical niche. But the reality is that most bands will never be as successful as U2, so that’s not the point. The point is this; how can Coldplay improve themselves and one day potentially move into the realm of icon status?
Here are three very lame tips I have concocted...
Advice # 3...
Will Champion (lead guitar player) - No one knows who you are. No one knows who anyone else in the band is really, but EVERYONE should at least know you and Chris, the one-two punch. Here’s what you need to do: Lose 35 lbs, you’re much too healthy looking to be a legendary lead guitarist. If you don’t smoke, start. And finally, most importantly, change your name to something memorable, something "rockin". Like, Champ, or The Champ, or The Champion, or just Champion. Wilcham would be cool too. The C-Man would also rock. Make people notice you! You are the rock and roll power, you hold in your hands the tool that makes legends. Push that glory hound Chris out of the way, you deserve to rock.
Advice #2
There’s this idea about the Beatle’s music called “carnival”, which helps explain the success of their music by saying it was “all inclusive”, that it was so eclectic and fun that it reached everyone from kids to adults. Lord knows I’m not comparing, but Coldplay needs to take a cue, start being more, dare I say, less eurotrashy. Yes, I realize their ‘sound’ is supposed to be sparse and moody, but for the purpose of this (becoming an icon) which unfortunately requires American approval, they need lose the ‘attitude’. This can be accomplished fairly easily without changing much. First Chris Martin, you need some caffeine. Start singing like you’re not dead. Next, people love the electric guitar solo, we want solos, we wanna hear it rip, pleeeaaase, let the Champ-man shred on his axe! And lastly, you MUST learn the art of quirkiness, it won’t tarnish your “deep” image, just a song here or there, maybe even just a cover. Something lighthearted will accomplish two things: it will create better contrast on your album, making ‘deep and depressing’ songs sound deeper and more depressing, and will go a long way in making you seem approachable.
Advice #1
Chris, take a step back there, buddy. Learn some faux modesty, all the great front men know this. This is also easily accomplished: I don’t know if they do this or not, because I don’t listen to bootlegs or go to Coldplay shows, but start introducing the band, easy. And the other way to do this is to move your head out of the way and let the world see your band’s pretty faces. Just do some photo shoots where you conspicuously put yourself in the back, making it seem like your band has the forefront, but in reality you’re striking some pose that says, look at me, I am the front man. So it all works out in the end!
Advice #0
Shenanigans! Whether it be trashing the hotel room or conversing comically with the press, act like rock stars. Start a catch phrase, film a concert on top of the White House. Dating Gwyneth Paltrow is not enough, especially since no one likes her.
In conclusion, Coldplay needs to add some cherries to their vanilla ice cream. The End.
as of now, I give Coldplay a very generous 7.978437/10 Clocks.
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