Archive

12.31.2004

New Year 2005

New Year! New Year! Come on everybody (a-w00t w00t) ride the train, let the good times roll, rock the casbah and party like it's 1999. We are now officially into the future, TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE! Now that's what I call a year! A rinka dinka doo!
It's 12:09 in the AM and I am typing on my computer. Yessss, that is right, I had to pretend like I was kissing the girl of my fancy when it finally reached midnight. BUT At least I have television, sweeet, sweet telly. And lemonade. And no, that's not Mike's Hard. Anyway, here are my new year's resolutions...

1. make more friends so next year I WON'T BE ON THE *@#)$*(U^#$ COMPUTER!!!
2. learn some spanish
3. start using my weight set
4. go on at least one date with a girl that's not related to me
5. sit through an entire Bond film
6. renew my unitarian priesthood license
7.
get the band Naked Eyes to reunite
8. demand a ransom of one MILLION dollars!
9. eat less taco bell
10. become the best guitarist in Towanda
11.
marry Brooke Burke

Anyway, it was "a pretty good year", as the chairman of the board once crooned it. A lot happened but I really don't remember any of it. That's one thing I'd like to change about next year, I mean, why shouldn't I be able to remember what happened two days ago, there has to be a pill for that right? I think every day should be memorable. Why shouldn't I make a wish, take chance, make a change and breeeaaaaakaaaaawaaaaay! er uh...I think it just takes a little effort. Just force yourself to do something you've never done, like eating at Hardee's or wearing velcrow shoes.
I'm very excited about 2005. It'll be interesting to
see how things develop around the world and in Iraq and such over the course of the year. I'm also pretty "stoked and amped" about all the great movies that are coming out - Batman Begins, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Revenge of the Sith. AND AND let's not forget that there's a new Dave Matthews studio album coming out. And the Cubs start a new season of disappointment! But I wouldn't have it any other way of course. It's just always exciting to see what the next year has in store. It seems like only yesterday when it was turning 2004, I was so much sweeter and innocent then, the year corrupted me! Like the ring of power! This Lord of the Rings quote doesn't really apply to anything but "if you don't kick your feet Frodo, you never know where the wind may carry you". So uh, kick your feet or else you'll get stabbed by a hobbit. Just some words of wisdom from Bilbo Baggins.
WELL GOLLY JEEPERS I LOVE NEW YEARS!!!!!

Minnesota Wedding! THE FARGIN' PICTURES!

Here are those photos I promised. This set is from my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago. I got back all my developed photos today so I now have memories to share, precious, precious memories.
Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Camelox, on the former site of Paul Bunyan land. Bunyan, formerly holding an axe, retired from the forresting industry to start his own bowling alley. It was wickedly cold that day, and because I'm too cool to wear protection from the elements, I got the worst cold of my life.
It's MY duckhat, dangit! This picture represents my life so far, whatever that means.
So alone, utterly alone. "Ending it All on the Playground". Photos by Tomas Reuthejew.
Just look at him! Precious as can be!
EVEN MORE PRECIOUSNESS! Hurry! Somebody brush his hair out of the way so he can eat his ice cream!

Samuel and Thomas, former posse members. Now too cool for school since they got to sit at the "special table". Pssssh. Yeah that's right, psssh! I stole your pickles.
The birthday boy! The big groom himself, Zacharybinx~ Mesa Maka him bombad general!
"Essence of Leechy" or "Last known photo of the bride"
Hey look! It's just like the scene from The Lost World, I'm in a movie! YAY! Look mom, I'm Jeff Goldblum!
The After party yo. I offered the cat as a sacrifice.
CATS LOVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!AAGGghghRaR!! THE END.

12.28.2004

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet!

Yeah I don’t know what's going on right now. I wake up, I eat, I go back to sleep. Until something different occurs, my writing is going to suck. But! I did drop off my film at Wal-Mart today, so I should be posting those soon. AND I've been breaking in my new EZ Striders. I think the quality of child labor in Malaysia has definitely improved. Usually it takes me only about a couple days to break em in. They're STILL not broken in. So I just want to say thanks to the low wage workers who made my shoe, they allow me to maintain my 'old man/cool nerd' look for only 9.99!
I also purchased 'The Office' collection box set thing, great show. Ricky Gervais is a comic genius. If you've never seen the show I highly recommend it, although some people don't 'get' British type humor, it's not slapstick, witty punch line type American sitcom humor, which usually sucks bad. You really have to wait for the payoff. You might end up saying "this isn't funny, put in Tommy Boy", like some people I know, who's taste in comedy is impeccable.
Yeah well I bought the DVD set at Best Buy and when I brought it home I opened it up and noticed there was this weird calcium deposit powder looking crap on the first disc. It really wasn't much but because my obsessive compulsiveness flares up every now and again it drove me insane. I tried cleaning it but I basically made it worse since it's impossible to clean a disc. So I tried taking it back but I guess I purchased the last one. Now I sit and twiddle my thumbs in angst because I'm crazy. I can't sleep until I get a flawless copy. OCD rules!

I was watching the internet today and I saw a poster for some
artsy Chinese karate film coming out called "House of Flying Daggers". It had a quote from a review on it that said "Absolutely spellbinding" and it made me realize tha I don't know what the crap spellbinding even means. But then a little while later I found an old VHS tape of Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin. It had a review from Michael Medved on the cover, "consistently dazzling, ingenious, breathtaking". That was even more confusing, especially coming from the semi-respectable Michael Medved. Yes, the movie is dazzling, it has lots of sparkly candy visuals. Ingenious? Sure, I never would have thought it possible to so brutally ravage the Batman mythos. Breathtaking, yes. The movie does make me hyperventilate. But consistantly?! Heck no.

12.20.2004

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I was kind of excited for this movie. I saw that they were making it and thought, hey I always wanted to read those books, but now I don't have to. Excellent.
My review of this movie might be tainted. I went to the ten o'clock showing last night and there were only six people in the theater. I was also loopy on cold medication.
Alls I can really say is that this was one of those woulda, coulda, shoulda, films...like Willow...or not. The style and art direction in the film were superb, the visuals alone are worth seeing it, but they seemed to have stopped there. It's like they just built this elaborate set intending to make a "Series of Unfortunate Events" themepark but then decided that this would be great for a movie! Alright, let's bring in Jim Carrey, Catherine O'Hara and some squinty eyed Euro trash kids, OH YEAH, and Dustin Hoffman for a cameo. Better yet, so we're not labeled as racist, let's put Cedric (the "entertainer") in the movie too! WE CAN'T LOSE!!
And you know what? They did. The major mistake this movie made was how they handled the plot. It doesn't really have one. But that's ok, neither did Beetlejuice, but the reason Beetlejuice works, which is comparable stylistically, is because it doesn't take itself seriously. The movie recognizes it's own craziness and the comedy plays off of that. In SOUEvents, there are three characters who got that right, Jim Carrey, Catherine O'hara and Merril Streep. They all played fabulously eccentric characters much like many Tim Burton film characters.
Beetlejuice is so character driven, that's where it suceeds. Unfortunate Events fails because it's driven far too much by the children. It seemed like 80% of the time the camera was doing a closeup on the children and the 9% for Jim Carrey. There are a ton of interesting looking characters in the film, but hardly any of them speak.
But really, overall Jim Carrey is entertaining enough to partially make up for characters that lack. The biggest problem is with the lack of what George Lucas would call a "McGuffin", a plot device or object that is the center of conflict, the thing being searched after. In A New Hope it was the death star plans, in Empire it was Luke himself and in Jedi it was death star two and the redemption of vader that drove the plots. SOUEvents had really nothing. There was this ambiguous thing about a telescope that vaguely drove the story. The whole movie is this...and also what the script probably looks like.

GREAT VISUALS ---Jim Carrey funniness (Count Olaf tries to kill kids)---kids go to another foster home---more Jim Carrey zaniness (kill kids!)---another foster home----Kids foil Count Olaf's final attempt at killing them---Another Foster home----THE END.

But, go see it, the visuals are nice, Jim Carrey is muy bueno. I give it 7.78/10 McGuffins.

12.17.2004

Minnesoota Wedding Part II

I'm heading north. In 4 hours I leave for Backus Minnesota, you may know Backus for it's famous welcome sign "population 50 -- a trail runs through it". At least they tried. Yep, the Paul Bunyan state trail does run through it. But that's not all, you may want to head down to the meat locker, for meat...and an odious stench. You can pick up yer lotto tickets, cigs and Bud while yer there too eh. But, just ignore me, I'm tired, cranky and extra sarcastic right now. I love it there, it's beautiful country up there, especially during the winter when there isn't a hoard of mosquitos out for blood.
I'll be taking the great journey once again for the second wedding in the Broom cousins trilogy. And if I make it back safely I'll have a nice big story and oodles of photos.

12.13.2004

BATMAN BEGINS! The Trailer is Teasing Me!

Dear Masses, please forget about the crapiness (Batman and Robin) and semi-crapiness (Batman Forever) that was the Schumacher Batman films...BATMAN BEGINS is only 7 months away and the anticipation is killing me, especially after the seeing the new teaser trailer which is on the official site and is also showing in front of Ocean's 12 (Good movie, see it now).
The style of this film looks like they've taken all the good quailites of the previous films and used them for this. It has the dark colors of Batman Returns, the ominous, realistic tone of the first and the Bruce Wayne flashbacks from Batman Forever. Judging by the two trailers I've seen it's very obvious that this new film quickly departs from the others. Bruce Wayne will finally become an important character and there will actually be a good plot, finally.
The trailer is just awesome and it's only a teaser trailer, we haven't even really seen anything yet but I am so excited. It looks like Batman is finally going to be done right. Don't get me wrong, the first Batman is my favorite movie ever, but c'mon, the Joker pulling a huge gun out of his pants doesn't compare with what's to come. This movie is going to make the other Batmans seem like Manos the Hands of Fate.
"WHERE ARE YOU!?"
"Here" ---- the new whispery batman voice is uber bueno!

12.10.2004

Watson the Schnauzer 1993-2004

Well, Ol' Watson's lumps finally became too much. Today the dog I've known for ten years took the long train to doggy heaven via the vet. He was always a good natured creature who carried with him a certain quiet dignity, an unspoken opinion, of which he seemed to have for everything. He always cared for me and my family, especially when he was a bit more "spry" he made it his job to be my "guardian" of sorts. When my cousins would try to hit me, even just playing, he would jump up and get em to back off. As the years passed his loyalty decreased very little. Besides his lumps and the time he jumped out the car window, he was always a fairly energetic guy. Only toward the latter part of this year did his vision and hearing start to go and only in the last couple weeks did his energy begin to decline rapidly. I loved him a lot, every memory of being at home has Watson somehow attached to it. It's just going to be strange going on without seeing him lying around somewhere or not having to take him for a walk.
I'll always appreciate him. Whenever I head for that next adventure, whatever it may be, I'll still always hear him reluctantly but agreeably growl. As if to say "ughmmm. Alright, let's go".

So this is dedicated to the great Schnauzer, Watson. AKA "The Wombat" AKA "Mascot"

12.04.2004

Alexander

I felt like watching a three hour movie today, so I checked the movie listings, hmm what's out now that's three hours long and starring hunky leading man Collin Ferral...of course, Alexander! I'm not going to review it in detail, but it's worthy of a 5.50 matinee price, maybe not 6 but it was better than I heard it would be, although the ambiguous gay tention throughout was a little hard to handle. Val Kilmer was excellent as the one-eyed, drunkard king Phillip of Macedonia! "You're dangerous Alexander, I like that, you can be my heir anytime" and Angelina Jolie's lip's performance was excellent as the conniving mother of Alexander.
Overall it was fairly well done, though the last hour kind of leaves you thinking "land the plane", I mean, there's only so many lands you can watch Alexander conquer before it starts to get stale. The movie is just packed full of violence, motivational speeches and intrigue with that special touch of Oliver Stone's fauxtriversy, so I'd recommend this movie if you have three extra hours this week.
To my suprise 'Vangelis' the guy who did the music for Blade Runner also did the score for this movie too. Not a good choice for an 'epic' type film. I'm pretty sure it had to be one of the worst film scores of recent memory, it was so overbearing at times and sounded like it was all done on a keyboard. There would be a simple dialogue scene which requires no music, yet there would be this grand electro-trumpet-ambiance overture blaring. I kept expecting Harrison Ford at any second, walking into Alexander's tent "sorry Al, you're a replicant"... (Cue rediculous future gun sound effect).
Oh well, it's Vangelis, the one name says it all.

12.03.2004

First Week of Second Retirement

Gather round children, this week has been a doosie! I'm finally finishing up the horrendous experience known as Heartlandcommunitycollegeenglishprogram. Finally! So many pointless papers and work citeds!! OY! So, to celebrate I traveled to Blockbuster Video to rent Goldeneye "no relation" Rogue Agent. I walk in and see that they actually have an available copy, yay, I take it to the checkout and sweet cheeks working the register says "you owe 17 dollars, I'm not allowed to let you rent anymore until you pay it". Mmm, yeah, well see, this is what happens when you share an account with your family. So I ran away in tears and drove myself over to family video where I promptly created a new account and got a free rental and half off for a month! WOO! So I rented Metroid Prime 2 instead. I really liked the first one so I was fairly excited about number 2. In this new installment of Metroid for the gamecube Samus responds to a distress signal (like the first) which leads her to a boring planet sparsely populated by an uber religious alien race (like the first) called Illuminoths. Once again it's Samus' job to save these aliens from something. There' lots of walking and looking and wondering what you're supposed to do next. It's one giant empty planet filled with ambiguous dangers. But unlike the last game, there's actually a motivation for wanting to destroy the evil, which is kind of nice. Though it lacks action, problem solving, mystery, plot and character interaction or development, metroid prime is mostly a game about seeing how well a person can follow a map. And I've gotten quite good at that.
The other wonderful thing that happened this week- I was at the Woodfield Mall in Peoria and found Beetlejuice for 10 bucks, if you haven't seen this movie then you're missing out on one of the most bizarre movies ever made. Catherine O'hara and Michael Keaton are just awesome in it and Winona Ryder's character is great too "my life is one giant, dark, room."
And Jeffery Jones' character peering out the window with his binoculars, "hey, nice building...bad roof...gooood parking".