I like this song. Here The Beatles prove that a taboo subject like murder can be sung about tastefully, and happily. On this third track of Abbey Road we hear the heartwarming tale of Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, presumably in college and looking for love. So he calls Joan who's majoring in drug use and says "hallo bird, want to go see a picture oy?"
To which she replies "yes, I would like to see a R rated picture please". Later that night she rides in the auto over to Max's apartment, rings the doorbell and stands there for a while, then rings again, and still no reply. Despondent, yet slightly relieved, she turns to leave when suddenly the door swings open and...THWACK!!! A silver hammer crashes down upon her head, and then proceeds to hit her three more times to "make sure that she was dead".
Next day: Maxwell is being an assclown during one of his classes, the teacher gets quite cross with him for interupting her lecture and makes him stay afterwords. While he's at the board doing his Bart Simpson opening credit thing, the teacher gets distracted for a moment, here's the perfect opportunity for murder #2. So he creeps up behind the professor, pulls the silver hammer out of his pocket, which he apparently carries at all times, and hits her not one, not two, not three, but four times, upon the head.
Well, that was a huge mistake Max, cuz you hit her exactly four times, in the same spot, with the same weapon as you did poor Joan, a pattern is emerging and now it's just a matter of time before scotland yard closes in...And plus there were like two or three surveillence cameras in the room, yeah, you're probably gonna get the chair.
Next day: easy case, the judge has skipped the trial portion and gone straight to sentencing, he raises the gavel and begins to proclaim the verdict but Oh god! in a last ditch act of sheer defiance against all decency here comes Max again who's somehow gotten his silver hammer out of the evidence locker and slipped it past security, and is now rushing toward the judge's stand! Murder #3, right in front of a crowded courtroom. A nation is shocked...and stunned.
It was a good run, Max, I have to admit. But, you know, you're a serial killer and all, so, it doesn't look like you'll be in any more Beatles songs. Sorry buddy.
2.06.2007
LA POLICIA!
Update: July 2007...
o ya...there was a tour and I went (St. Louis) ...
awwwesome show. The guys sounded fantastic and I can finally check this off my "things I must do or see or else I'll regret it forever" list. A couple of the highlights for me were "Driven to Tears", "So Lonely" and "Walking in Your Footsteps"... anyway it was all amazing! (even though I realized I left the tickets at home somewhere around Springfield). :/ I think I have a video clip of me freaking out somewhere. I might post it.
"ROXANNE IS A CROWD PLEASER" ~ CLIFF PLANTER
------------------------------------
Everybody be sure to check out the Grammys this coming sunday, THE POLICE are reuniting and a lot of other legendary artists who will assuredly stand the test of the time will also be rocking the stage! Such as; Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks, Gnarls Barkley, John Legend, Ludacris, John Mayer, Corinne Bailey Rae, Carrie Underwood and Justin Timberlake with the winner of the my grammy moment contest! Sweet.
And as an added treat, according to the grammy website...
"For the first time in GRAMMY history, international sensation and current nominee Shakira will perform"
YESsssss! So, Sting, Andy, Stuart, I know you guys read my blog, so please, do this...an Andy Summers medley! Someone to Talk to > Friends > Be My Girl - Sally > Darkness
Just wishful thinking but that would be gold. Then Sting can rip off his shirt and punch Justin Timberlake in the kidney.
and most importantly of all...there's rumors of a big tour possibly!
1.06.2007
My Grandpa.
Earlier this week my Grandpa, Gene Broom, passed away. I don't really know what to write for him here because I feel like I've gone through the grieving stage and am just numb right now. You know, there are periods in your life where you just start to cruise and become hypnotized by the lines in the road you're going down. Then death happens, like artillery fire in a war you can really feel the close ones, and this was close, the very first for me. And suddenly everything stops and you're left standing there staring at the damage, just staring and thinking because from now on there will always be this empty place in me and the rest of my family's lives. Life has forced change upon you, now I'm connected to this moment, ascending down from my own little self absorbed journey and trying to answer all the questions that time brings.
I loved my Grandpa very much, even though we rarely verbalized it I knew he appreciated having me around, I knew he loved me. Sometimes, a lot of times, he was just downright frustrating. Sometimes I would just sit there and wonder what in the world was going through his head or what his motivations were. Most of the time I simply took him for granted, acting as though he was..."just my grandpa". But he was always more than that and I see it more now than ever. I think because it happened so much that I just became blind to it, but he was a lot more. He always questioned me relentlessly about what was going in my life, what I was up to, what I planned on doing, if I enjoyed doing it or not. He would have done anything for anybody, I can see it now. At certain points I remember thinking he was just a cranky old man...he was, sometimes, definitely, but more important was that he knew how to make people feel good. He gave me my jokes, my sense of humor. He genuinely cared for people and I can see it all more clearly now that everyone God has put in my life cares deeply for others. The most caring people I know are my direct relatives; Grandma, dad and my mother, who was really awesome and did a lot for the family these past few weeks. But me, for some reason I feel that somehow I'll be better off in life if I just distance myself from everyone, that in the end I'll make it just fine living in a shell.
I know death isn't the end. And what's also important is that death teaches important lessons to those still around. I hope I'm a decent enough person, a strong enough person to learn and keep learning as so to not relive the same mistake my whole life.
And in the end, even though it's sometimes very easy to become cynical and distorted in how I view reality, at this time in my life I've never been more certain of the fact that my gramps is finally, truly happy. That the losses he's experienced, the ones that caused him so much hidden pain, are finally returned to him, he's become a whole man. Everything deep down that we got the occasional glimpse of is who he is, completely...and that makes me happy.
You know, I told him, but I don't think Will, my friend, knows how much it meant to me that he came to the funeral. He knew my grandfather pretty well, but I still would have understood if he decided not to come, I didn't expect him to. But Will always knows what to say, he didn't say anything then but the things he has said, about life, his deep philosophical musings, they all flood back to me at different times. And he was right about one thing, his passionate emphasis about bringing heaven to earth. Besides the fact that we should feed, cloth and care for the hurting, there should also be heaven in our lives, we should have no regrets and love each person in our lives passionately, because memories never die. We will get to see those who left us in the past once again. When we die we will see those behind us, but how will you live on? Who were you and how will you continue to influence those who knew you?
I'll see you again soon Gramps, I love you. And don't take any wooden nickels.
I loved my Grandpa very much, even though we rarely verbalized it I knew he appreciated having me around, I knew he loved me. Sometimes, a lot of times, he was just downright frustrating. Sometimes I would just sit there and wonder what in the world was going through his head or what his motivations were. Most of the time I simply took him for granted, acting as though he was..."just my grandpa". But he was always more than that and I see it more now than ever. I think because it happened so much that I just became blind to it, but he was a lot more. He always questioned me relentlessly about what was going in my life, what I was up to, what I planned on doing, if I enjoyed doing it or not. He would have done anything for anybody, I can see it now. At certain points I remember thinking he was just a cranky old man...he was, sometimes, definitely, but more important was that he knew how to make people feel good. He gave me my jokes, my sense of humor. He genuinely cared for people and I can see it all more clearly now that everyone God has put in my life cares deeply for others. The most caring people I know are my direct relatives; Grandma, dad and my mother, who was really awesome and did a lot for the family these past few weeks. But me, for some reason I feel that somehow I'll be better off in life if I just distance myself from everyone, that in the end I'll make it just fine living in a shell.
I know death isn't the end. And what's also important is that death teaches important lessons to those still around. I hope I'm a decent enough person, a strong enough person to learn and keep learning as so to not relive the same mistake my whole life.
And in the end, even though it's sometimes very easy to become cynical and distorted in how I view reality, at this time in my life I've never been more certain of the fact that my gramps is finally, truly happy. That the losses he's experienced, the ones that caused him so much hidden pain, are finally returned to him, he's become a whole man. Everything deep down that we got the occasional glimpse of is who he is, completely...and that makes me happy.
You know, I told him, but I don't think Will, my friend, knows how much it meant to me that he came to the funeral. He knew my grandfather pretty well, but I still would have understood if he decided not to come, I didn't expect him to. But Will always knows what to say, he didn't say anything then but the things he has said, about life, his deep philosophical musings, they all flood back to me at different times. And he was right about one thing, his passionate emphasis about bringing heaven to earth. Besides the fact that we should feed, cloth and care for the hurting, there should also be heaven in our lives, we should have no regrets and love each person in our lives passionately, because memories never die. We will get to see those who left us in the past once again. When we die we will see those behind us, but how will you live on? Who were you and how will you continue to influence those who knew you?
I'll see you again soon Gramps, I love you. And don't take any wooden nickels.
10.22.2006
GENESIS!
Update - Oh yeeeaaah, it's official now. 'Turn in on Again - The Tour'.
There's also word that there might be new material too, which has gotten me thinking, what do they need to do to make it work?
Good question Brett! A very tricky situation indeed, but a very straighforward answer from me...Here's what they need to not do...sound like Coldplay, or one of the hundred million variants of them in existence today, I don't want to hear piano OR acoustic guitar on this record, and the drum beats better be phat, heavily gated and complexly rhythmed, the minimalist angsty crap needs to go. Anyway, trying to sound like contemporary music was one of 'Calling All Stations' big mistakes. What Phil, Tony and Mike should do, if they decide to do this, is just go balls out and remind the world why Genesis is one of the greatest bands of all time. To accomplish that, and have a new record that will be taken seriously, they MUST find a timeless middle ground. If they try to just outright duplicate one of their previous albums all it will do is instantly raise comparison between the two and draw focus away from itself. I know it would be interesting and or hilarious, but I'm pretty sure we can forget about a straight up classically inspired prog-rock album. Because, unless they've had a recent, amazing stroke of artistic genius then it just wouldn't work anymore, it would only sound forced and cheesy (but who knows, maybe they could surprise us). I also think they've learned their lesson from Calling All Stations and realize that a generic Genesis template placed on a modern pop sound has less than stellar results. To find that solid middle ground I've gone through the different Collins era albums and picked out certain songs that seem to have stood the test of time better than others, not saying that makes them better, it just means that some of their song's productions are noticeably 80's or noticeably cheesily. So, what I think would work best for them now is this, an album that is stylistically in-between Abacab and Trick of the Tail, but that has the focus, structure and earnesty of Duke, a more inwardly reflected album, something that doesn't feel like it's pandering to the audience; old, new, of a certain era, whatever it may be. This way they can achieve a work that has a balance of the elements that made pop oriented Genesis great, and will create a rich (but not overly nostalgic) palet for the more matured band to explore.
Huzzah! I've emerged from my cave to bring this wonderful news to the world...
http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/1180945
Genesis to tour next year
There's also word that there might be new material too, which has gotten me thinking, what do they need to do to make it work?
Good question Brett! A very tricky situation indeed, but a very straighforward answer from me...Here's what they need to not do...sound like Coldplay, or one of the hundred million variants of them in existence today, I don't want to hear piano OR acoustic guitar on this record, and the drum beats better be phat, heavily gated and complexly rhythmed, the minimalist angsty crap needs to go. Anyway, trying to sound like contemporary music was one of 'Calling All Stations' big mistakes. What Phil, Tony and Mike should do, if they decide to do this, is just go balls out and remind the world why Genesis is one of the greatest bands of all time. To accomplish that, and have a new record that will be taken seriously, they MUST find a timeless middle ground. If they try to just outright duplicate one of their previous albums all it will do is instantly raise comparison between the two and draw focus away from itself. I know it would be interesting and or hilarious, but I'm pretty sure we can forget about a straight up classically inspired prog-rock album. Because, unless they've had a recent, amazing stroke of artistic genius then it just wouldn't work anymore, it would only sound forced and cheesy (but who knows, maybe they could surprise us). I also think they've learned their lesson from Calling All Stations and realize that a generic Genesis template placed on a modern pop sound has less than stellar results. To find that solid middle ground I've gone through the different Collins era albums and picked out certain songs that seem to have stood the test of time better than others, not saying that makes them better, it just means that some of their song's productions are noticeably 80's or noticeably cheesily. So, what I think would work best for them now is this, an album that is stylistically in-between Abacab and Trick of the Tail, but that has the focus, structure and earnesty of Duke, a more inwardly reflected album, something that doesn't feel like it's pandering to the audience; old, new, of a certain era, whatever it may be. This way they can achieve a work that has a balance of the elements that made pop oriented Genesis great, and will create a rich (but not overly nostalgic) palet for the more matured band to explore.
Huzzah! I've emerged from my cave to bring this wonderful news to the world...
http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/1180945
Genesis to tour next year
Artists: GenesisProg-rockers of your dad's youth Genesis are to reform next year, albeit without original singer Peter Gabriel. Which isn't all that surprising, really.
Rumours of the reformation have been circulating for many a year, but now reports suggest it is definitely on: The Sunday Mirror yesterday stated that drummer and vocalist Phil Collins is particularly keen to get things moving.
Collins will be joined by both Mike Rutherford and Tony Banks for a series of gigs across America and Europe; expect their pockets to be bulging with hard cash come its conclusion. Gabriel hasn't totally ruled out joining his former bandmates, either, although he won't be able to play with them again until 2008 at the earliest.
Collins recently split from his third wife, and the aforementioned tabloid implies that this comprised something of a catalyst in the decision to go ahead with the reunion tour.
Well it's not a Gabriel-style Genesis reunion, BUT, I love everything they did, so any form of a reunion is just great with me. So Mr. Collins, would you like my life savings in cash or check?
10.17.2006
I Didn't Mean to Turn You On, or Did I?
Dearest most fair journal, my only confidant, that which is precious unto me, on this date being the eighteenth of the Lord's month of October I beseech that ye give me ear. The forces of darkness in this realm have thus stripped of me my powers...
...Ah, stop it! I always have to catch myself before I begin writing self indulgent, ye olde English journal entries, giving ye olde updates on the events of my life. Sometimes I feel I'm being absorbed into the blogging masses who turn their banal musings into publicly available clutter...oh wait, I do.
Oh well. I remember back in the olden days of this website, back when it was on geocities I could write about the most uselessly intriguing things. I used to spew out so much crap with so much regularity, it was amazing really, and I wonder where that went, or if I really want that back. Probably for the best. Now the only things that really pass through my mind are meandering images of the movement of life; clouds, colors, shapes, ambiance, it's like I'm living in a Pink Floyd's Animals record. However I'm fine, so don't send pills to me out of concern just yet, but do mail them out of generosity. That's enough of that, I'll save the rest of this boring explanation of my deep seeded neurosis for the book I got comin' out, it's called "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Prime Time Television, Celebrity Gossip and Happy Hour"
In other news I have some ratings for you, some suggestions for you, etc etc etc etc etc....
I recently watched a brilliant documentary by Matt Stone and Trey Parker called "How's Your News", yes, the guys who do South Park and Team America: World Police. It's a documentary about five mentally handicapped men and women who embark on a road trip from New Hampshire to California simply to ask people the question: "how's your news". What I love about this film is how, as you watch it, your expectations begin to change immensely. As it starts out you get the impression that this is probably going to be nothing more than a mockery of the handicapped and you sort of just stare, wondering what exactly you're supposed to be thinking in regards to this. But as it goes on you start to completely lose all those things that get in the way and you begin to see them for who they are, extremely unique people. Another thing I really enjoyed about this was how it gave an amazingly honest look at the "average" people who make this country. In most other documentaries you know that the "professional" film crews inherently affect people's behavior in some way or another. But with this, the interviewees often had no idea how to respond or what to expect from the various hosts of this movie, some of whom couldn't actually put together a discernible sentence. So often we're left with everyday people just kind of standing there, speaking the first thing that comes to their mind. It's very touching, and does a good job of changing perceptions and giving honest glimpses into the lives of common people. Yes, all this from the creators of "Baseketball".
A couple new albums came out recently that I just wanted to give my quick opinion on, Sting's "Songs From the Labyrinth" and Robert Randolph and the Family Band's "Colorblind".
Sting's new album is a side project based on the music and writings of 17th century composer John Dowland. I had good idea of what to expect from this, but I was really surprised how moody and focused it is, considering it's English lute music. What I like most is how elemental and basic the music is, especially when performed by someone known for slick pop production like Sting. In a way it's like the stripped down origins of much of Sting's music, specifically The Soul Cages, which has much of the same Celtic structure. Also, dispersed throughout the album are letters written by Dowland that are read by Sting. I had heard about this beforehand and didn't really know how well that would work but in the end it helped Labyrinth play through almost as a concept album of sorts, and a haunting one at that. I think Sting accomplished what he set out to do with this album, it pays homage to Downland first and foremost, but creates a mask that Sting seems to don, channeling Downland and giving the listener the uneasy feeling that we're being transported to the past, where we can do nothing but appreciate, for the first time most likely.
8.452/10
Robert Randolph and the Family Band's new album is a massive letdown, but I should have seen it coming, basically anything Mark Batson touches (outside of the pop/hip-hop world) turns to poo. The production is exponentially thicker and more elaborate than Unclassified and the band's sound is now compressed and packaged into unmemorable arrangements that grasp desperately for radio airplay. Instead of the stripped down, gospel driven, repetitive power and joy that was so evident on their first record we have a mish-mash of songs that cover a narrow spectrum; 70's superfunk, generic inspirational R&B and b-sides from Dave Matthews Band's last record. Robert Randolph, who generally overflows with excitement and passion, comes across as extremely stifled and forced into a mold here. His signature sacred steel is virtually non-existent and his vocal delivery is stiff in comparison to his usual call and response, free form style. Overall, don't bother.
5/10
and finally, I leave you with some MS paint masterpieces I recently created: David Byrne's 'Feelings' album cover and Peter Gabriel's 'So' and 'Security' album covers.
Until next time, stay frosty!
...Ah, stop it! I always have to catch myself before I begin writing self indulgent, ye olde English journal entries, giving ye olde updates on the events of my life. Sometimes I feel I'm being absorbed into the blogging masses who turn their banal musings into publicly available clutter...oh wait, I do.
Oh well. I remember back in the olden days of this website, back when it was on geocities I could write about the most uselessly intriguing things. I used to spew out so much crap with so much regularity, it was amazing really, and I wonder where that went, or if I really want that back. Probably for the best. Now the only things that really pass through my mind are meandering images of the movement of life; clouds, colors, shapes, ambiance, it's like I'm living in a Pink Floyd's Animals record. However I'm fine, so don't send pills to me out of concern just yet, but do mail them out of generosity. That's enough of that, I'll save the rest of this boring explanation of my deep seeded neurosis for the book I got comin' out, it's called "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Prime Time Television, Celebrity Gossip and Happy Hour"
In other news I have some ratings for you, some suggestions for you, etc etc etc etc etc....
I recently watched a brilliant documentary by Matt Stone and Trey Parker called "How's Your News", yes, the guys who do South Park and Team America: World Police. It's a documentary about five mentally handicapped men and women who embark on a road trip from New Hampshire to California simply to ask people the question: "how's your news". What I love about this film is how, as you watch it, your expectations begin to change immensely. As it starts out you get the impression that this is probably going to be nothing more than a mockery of the handicapped and you sort of just stare, wondering what exactly you're supposed to be thinking in regards to this. But as it goes on you start to completely lose all those things that get in the way and you begin to see them for who they are, extremely unique people. Another thing I really enjoyed about this was how it gave an amazingly honest look at the "average" people who make this country. In most other documentaries you know that the "professional" film crews inherently affect people's behavior in some way or another. But with this, the interviewees often had no idea how to respond or what to expect from the various hosts of this movie, some of whom couldn't actually put together a discernible sentence. So often we're left with everyday people just kind of standing there, speaking the first thing that comes to their mind. It's very touching, and does a good job of changing perceptions and giving honest glimpses into the lives of common people. Yes, all this from the creators of "Baseketball".
A couple new albums came out recently that I just wanted to give my quick opinion on, Sting's "Songs From the Labyrinth" and Robert Randolph and the Family Band's "Colorblind".
Sting's new album is a side project based on the music and writings of 17th century composer John Dowland. I had good idea of what to expect from this, but I was really surprised how moody and focused it is, considering it's English lute music. What I like most is how elemental and basic the music is, especially when performed by someone known for slick pop production like Sting. In a way it's like the stripped down origins of much of Sting's music, specifically The Soul Cages, which has much of the same Celtic structure. Also, dispersed throughout the album are letters written by Dowland that are read by Sting. I had heard about this beforehand and didn't really know how well that would work but in the end it helped Labyrinth play through almost as a concept album of sorts, and a haunting one at that. I think Sting accomplished what he set out to do with this album, it pays homage to Downland first and foremost, but creates a mask that Sting seems to don, channeling Downland and giving the listener the uneasy feeling that we're being transported to the past, where we can do nothing but appreciate, for the first time most likely.
8.452/10
Robert Randolph and the Family Band's new album is a massive letdown, but I should have seen it coming, basically anything Mark Batson touches (outside of the pop/hip-hop world) turns to poo. The production is exponentially thicker and more elaborate than Unclassified and the band's sound is now compressed and packaged into unmemorable arrangements that grasp desperately for radio airplay. Instead of the stripped down, gospel driven, repetitive power and joy that was so evident on their first record we have a mish-mash of songs that cover a narrow spectrum; 70's superfunk, generic inspirational R&B and b-sides from Dave Matthews Band's last record. Robert Randolph, who generally overflows with excitement and passion, comes across as extremely stifled and forced into a mold here. His signature sacred steel is virtually non-existent and his vocal delivery is stiff in comparison to his usual call and response, free form style. Overall, don't bother.
5/10
and finally, I leave you with some MS paint masterpieces I recently created: David Byrne's 'Feelings' album cover and Peter Gabriel's 'So' and 'Security' album covers.
Until next time, stay frosty!
6.14.2006
"And when the wombat comes, he will find me gone..."
I was thinking about Wombats today, about what they really are, what they do, what they mean in the overall scheme of things. 
I don't know. But I do know they're very underrated creatures, so underrated in fact that no one really cares about them, not even Google - who gives the first search result to the Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society...even better, if you type in just "Wombat" and hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button you get the Australian search engine Web Wombat which currently outranks South America's Slothsearcher.com. Type in a search there and the engine pokes at your inquiry for a while, then takes a cube shaped crap on it.
All this lack of appreciation started to concern me of a possible conspiracy to suppress the wombat. A question arose...why are all the other Australian marsupials so popular and loved, while the wombat, not? Kangaroos: they get their own brand of shoe, co-star in the Winnie the Pooh cartoons and books, get over fifty songs written about them (only 3 about wombats), thirty tv shows and movies...including Captain Kangaroo and their starring role in this gem "The Warriors of Virtue" aka 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: The New Age Kangaroos'.
Next are Koalas: they get their own delicious chocolate filled cookie, the classic nickelodeon cartoon 'The Noozles' and its ripoff 'The Little Koala'.
Wallabies? They're even smaller, cuter and more loveable than kangaroos, 'nuff said there. People love em! They want em!
Bandicoots - Crash Bandicoot. That ring a bell? No? Remember Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah? Well Crash was the 3D Sonic ripoff for the Playstation, quite popular too, lots of crappy spinoffs.
And finally...opossums, well, they get plenty of attention due to the fact that they're hideous, stupid, disgusting and always laying dead on the side of the road. One day I was driving along and one of these things was just standing there in the middle of the road, perched on its hind legs, just staring at my oncoming vehicle. I was just about to hit the gas because I hate them, but I also feel sorry for them, and there's no way I could bring myself to (knowingly) run over any creature, even a stupid possum.
Anyway...
WOMBATS...they get nothing! "Why"? you say. Why do they deserve any attention? Who cares anyway? It's just a fat, dumb animal...possums down under...
WHY!?!...BECAUSE! I had a dog once as you might remember, his name was Watson and he was part wombat. Well, Watson was the wisest animal I've ever met in my life. That's right, he was fat, he was slow, he had short legs, he liked to dig with his snout...
See the resemblence? Even our other dog looked oddly similar to another famous Australian monster.
My very loosely supported argument is THIS...if wombats are even half as wonderful as my old dog was, well, then they deserve twice as many shows, twice as many shoes, twice as many video games, twice as many cookie brands and twice as many songs as the other marsupials who get hit by cars FAR more than the wombat, fact. So who's fat and slow now? Jerks.
That is all. Good day sir.
Patrick Bateman's "Song of the Day":
Today's Song: Take Me With U by Prince.
"I think this is one of Prince's more brilliant pop songs that isn't included on any of his greatest hits, which I find highly regrettable. For me, too much of his later work was overy sexualized and catered to the heavy R&B scene, which I find difficult to relate to. Along the lines of his classic 1985 hit "Raspberry Beret" this elegantly arranged tune is one of his rare acoustic-rock driven numbers. It starts out with a rousing drum roll that gently carries the listener down into the vocal harmony accompanied by a bouncy string section and acoustic guitar. At first the lyrics and tune seem absurdly simple and sing-songy but it quickly manages to find sharp focus thanks to Prince's consistent vocal delivery and backup vocals by Apollonia Kotera, who contributes an innocent and sharp quality, as well as added dimension. Here, Prince and his lover, Appollonia, sing of the simplicity of romance, really getting to the heart of the matter in their plea to one another that time, location and subject matter are frivolous. All they truly need is one another. Profound, to say the least.
Photos From
"Holding the Wombat" http://astro.berkeley.edu/wombat/wombat2.jpg
"Tazmanian Devil with Babies" http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d84/JohnCampanelli/TasmanianDevil01.jpg
"Wombat Peeking Over Log" http://www.dbmi.columbia.edu/~elc7001/pics/australia/wombat.jpg
I don't know. But I do know they're very underrated creatures, so underrated in fact that no one really cares about them, not even Google - who gives the first search result to the Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society...even better, if you type in just "Wombat" and hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button you get the Australian search engine Web Wombat which currently outranks South America's Slothsearcher.com. Type in a search there and the engine pokes at your inquiry for a while, then takes a cube shaped crap on it.All this lack of appreciation started to concern me of a possible conspiracy to suppress the wombat. A question arose...why are all the other Australian marsupials so popular and loved, while the wombat, not? Kangaroos: they get their own brand of shoe, co-star in the Winnie the Pooh cartoons and books, get over fifty songs written about them (only 3 about wombats), thirty tv shows and movies...including Captain Kangaroo and their starring role in this gem "The Warriors of Virtue" aka 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: The New Age Kangaroos'.
Next are Koalas: they get their own delicious chocolate filled cookie, the classic nickelodeon cartoon 'The Noozles' and its ripoff 'The Little Koala'.Wallabies? They're even smaller, cuter and more loveable than kangaroos, 'nuff said there. People love em! They want em!
Bandicoots - Crash Bandicoot. That ring a bell? No? Remember Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah? Well Crash was the 3D Sonic ripoff for the Playstation, quite popular too, lots of crappy spinoffs.
And finally...opossums, well, they get plenty of attention due to the fact that they're hideous, stupid, disgusting and always laying dead on the side of the road. One day I was driving along and one of these things was just standing there in the middle of the road, perched on its hind legs, just staring at my oncoming vehicle. I was just about to hit the gas because I hate them, but I also feel sorry for them, and there's no way I could bring myself to (knowingly) run over any creature, even a stupid possum.
Anyway...
WOMBATS...they get nothing! "Why"? you say. Why do they deserve any attention? Who cares anyway? It's just a fat, dumb animal...possums down under...
WHY!?!...BECAUSE! I had a dog once as you might remember, his name was Watson and he was part wombat. Well, Watson was the wisest animal I've ever met in my life. That's right, he was fat, he was slow, he had short legs, he liked to dig with his snout...
See the resemblence? Even our other dog looked oddly similar to another famous Australian monster.My very loosely supported argument is THIS...if wombats are even half as wonderful as my old dog was, well, then they deserve twice as many shows, twice as many shoes, twice as many video games, twice as many cookie brands and twice as many songs as the other marsupials who get hit by cars FAR more than the wombat, fact. So who's fat and slow now? Jerks.
That is all. Good day sir.
Patrick Bateman's "Song of the Day":
Today's Song: Take Me With U by Prince.
"I think this is one of Prince's more brilliant pop songs that isn't included on any of his greatest hits, which I find highly regrettable. For me, too much of his later work was overy sexualized and catered to the heavy R&B scene, which I find difficult to relate to. Along the lines of his classic 1985 hit "Raspberry Beret" this elegantly arranged tune is one of his rare acoustic-rock driven numbers. It starts out with a rousing drum roll that gently carries the listener down into the vocal harmony accompanied by a bouncy string section and acoustic guitar. At first the lyrics and tune seem absurdly simple and sing-songy but it quickly manages to find sharp focus thanks to Prince's consistent vocal delivery and backup vocals by Apollonia Kotera, who contributes an innocent and sharp quality, as well as added dimension. Here, Prince and his lover, Appollonia, sing of the simplicity of romance, really getting to the heart of the matter in their plea to one another that time, location and subject matter are frivolous. All they truly need is one another. Profound, to say the least.
Photos From
"Holding the Wombat" http://astro.berkeley.edu/wombat/wombat2.jpg
"Tazmanian Devil with Babies" http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d84/JohnCampanelli/TasmanianDevil01.jpg
"Wombat Peeking Over Log" http://www.dbmi.columbia.edu/~elc7001/pics/australia/wombat.jpg
6.12.2006
Here I Am...Rock You Like a Hurricane
Hey y'all, I'm back, from outer space.
Anyway so yeah, I got a new deodorant recently, true story...
Let me just turn off the lights and project my thoughts for a moment...
It was two or three months ago that I had settled on the "fresh" scent of invisible solid Right Guard as my antiperspirant of choice. In fact I liked it so much that I bought two of them, because once the first ran out I didn't want to wait (and Paula Cole agrees). Then, a few mornings ago I was winding down to the last little bit of the stick, desperately wiping my underarm to prolong its glorious life. But then before I could give it one last hurrah it fell off the stick, gliding gently to the floor, to its death. So, a few sad days later I made a special trip to Wal-Mart with only one thing in mind, to see if they started carrying Maxim again, BUT ALSO to stock up on my own, my deodorant, myyyy preciousssssss. I scoured the aisles for it, I wanted it, I NEEDED it. I began fervently looking everywhere for that black stick with the cool blue writing; "fresh"...ohhhhhh yeaaahhh! My eyes were directed to the small Right Guard section...but...but, where is it? Turns out the A holes at the Gillette company discontinued that certain scent...so I look for whatever appears to be the closest new-version substitute and all they have is "Sport". Generally I steer clear of any products that have the suffix 'sport', or 'xtreme', especially when it comes to deodorants since my last experience wasn't good, and since I don't usually "sport". I swear the stuff is like paint primer. When you're in the shower washing your pits there's no getting it off, it's there to stay, it's disgusting. I wasn't going to get it but I decided to sniff anyway... and, what I smelled nearly changed my life, it's like every beautiful smell of life combined into one scent. A perfect Irish spring morn, dancing with hundreds of leprechauns all singing the 'Safety Dance' while being showered in golden rain. It's like if Yankee Candle made a deodorant and called it "smell 'O' heaven". It's like a thousand fresh laundries with a thousand Snugglebears reenacting the battle of Endor. And so now, I have a new "my" deodorant, until they change it to Xtreme, which is always the next unavoidable stage of the Right Guard cycle. Right Guard>Right Guard 24 hr>Right Guard shield>Right Guard sport>Right Guard Extreme protection>Right Guard Xtreme Maximum Power>Right Guard Everlasting Sweatstopper>
Repeat cycle.
Uh huh, I told you it was a good story.
In other news, I finally listened to Genesis' 'Lamb Lies Down On Broadway' all the way through WHILE reading the lyrics carefully. In general I'm a pretty crappy listener when it comes to music. I rarely pay attention to lyrics, especially if they aren't blatantly obvious. I've heard the album numerous times and, of course, it's a story about a Puerto Rican kid in New York City named Rael who is "magically" transported to an alternate dimension within the city. This other "reality/existence" is filled with strange and unsual things ala Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland...the problem for me was that I never actually followed the happenings of the story lyrically or payed much attention to subtle themes and commentary, which it's loaded with. This time, however, I experienced the story as a whole and can now see the important dimension I missed before, the real brilliance of the work, which lies in clever and insightful way that of spirituality and self-image are dealt with. Before, I simply enjoyed this as loosely connected and good songs...like I do with too many other records, always missing the message...but now it's almost a cinematic experience for me. The climax and finale function just like a movie really, and there's a part toward the very end during 'In the Rapids' when Gabriel sings
And when the waters slow down
The dark and the deep
have no-one, no-one, no-one, no-one
no-one left to keep.
Hang on John! We're out of this at last.
Somethings changed, that's not your face.
It's mine - it's mine!
which immediately segues into the last song "It" to create a genuinely moving moment. So good.
Ergo, visa vi, concordantly...if you have not heard this masterpiece then you need to check it out. Even if you're not a fan of Genesis it's still a fun-filled and imaginative experience, not to mention it's just a classic album that any music fan should hear at some point.
Welp, that's all I got for now, so to quote some Christian band, "you've got the choice, you get to choose, so go ahead and have fun" Or somethin somethin. Oh yeah, if anyone's having trouble seeing all of the blog, please tell me, I widened the margins but I'm not sure if that fits into everyone's monitor, not sure how that works.
Buh-Bye
Anyway so yeah, I got a new deodorant recently, true story...
Let me just turn off the lights and project my thoughts for a moment...
It was two or three months ago that I had settled on the "fresh" scent of invisible solid Right Guard as my antiperspirant of choice. In fact I liked it so much that I bought two of them, because once the first ran out I didn't want to wait (and Paula Cole agrees). Then, a few mornings ago I was winding down to the last little bit of the stick, desperately wiping my underarm to prolong its glorious life. But then before I could give it one last hurrah it fell off the stick, gliding gently to the floor, to its death. So, a few sad days later I made a special trip to Wal-Mart with only one thing in mind, to see if they started carrying Maxim again, BUT ALSO to stock up on my own, my deodorant, myyyy preciousssssss. I scoured the aisles for it, I wanted it, I NEEDED it. I began fervently looking everywhere for that black stick with the cool blue writing; "fresh"...ohhhhhh yeaaahhh! My eyes were directed to the small Right Guard section...but...but, where is it? Turns out the A holes at the Gillette company discontinued that certain scent...so I look for whatever appears to be the closest new-version substitute and all they have is "Sport". Generally I steer clear of any products that have the suffix 'sport', or 'xtreme', especially when it comes to deodorants since my last experience wasn't good, and since I don't usually "sport". I swear the stuff is like paint primer. When you're in the shower washing your pits there's no getting it off, it's there to stay, it's disgusting. I wasn't going to get it but I decided to sniff anyway... and, what I smelled nearly changed my life, it's like every beautiful smell of life combined into one scent. A perfect Irish spring morn, dancing with hundreds of leprechauns all singing the 'Safety Dance' while being showered in golden rain. It's like if Yankee Candle made a deodorant and called it "smell 'O' heaven". It's like a thousand fresh laundries with a thousand Snugglebears reenacting the battle of Endor. And so now, I have a new "my" deodorant, until they change it to Xtreme, which is always the next unavoidable stage of the Right Guard cycle. Right Guard>Right Guard 24 hr>Right Guard shield>Right Guard sport>Right Guard Extreme protection>Right Guard Xtreme Maximum Power>Right Guard Everlasting Sweatstopper>
Repeat cycle.
Uh huh, I told you it was a good story.
In other news, I finally listened to Genesis' 'Lamb Lies Down On Broadway' all the way through WHILE reading the lyrics carefully. In general I'm a pretty crappy listener when it comes to music. I rarely pay attention to lyrics, especially if they aren't blatantly obvious. I've heard the album numerous times and, of course, it's a story about a Puerto Rican kid in New York City named Rael who is "magically" transported to an alternate dimension within the city. This other "reality/existence" is filled with strange and unsual things ala Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland...the problem for me was that I never actually followed the happenings of the story lyrically or payed much attention to subtle themes and commentary, which it's loaded with. This time, however, I experienced the story as a whole and can now see the important dimension I missed before, the real brilliance of the work, which lies in clever and insightful way that of spirituality and self-image are dealt with. Before, I simply enjoyed this as loosely connected and good songs...like I do with too many other records, always missing the message...but now it's almost a cinematic experience for me. The climax and finale function just like a movie really, and there's a part toward the very end during 'In the Rapids' when Gabriel singsAnd when the waters slow down
The dark and the deep
have no-one, no-one, no-one, no-one
no-one left to keep.
Hang on John! We're out of this at last.
Somethings changed, that's not your face.
It's mine - it's mine!
which immediately segues into the last song "It" to create a genuinely moving moment. So good.
Ergo, visa vi, concordantly...if you have not heard this masterpiece then you need to check it out. Even if you're not a fan of Genesis it's still a fun-filled and imaginative experience, not to mention it's just a classic album that any music fan should hear at some point.
Welp, that's all I got for now, so to quote some Christian band, "you've got the choice, you get to choose, so go ahead and have fun" Or somethin somethin. Oh yeah, if anyone's having trouble seeing all of the blog, please tell me, I widened the margins but I'm not sure if that fits into everyone's monitor, not sure how that works.
Buh-Bye
12.30.2005
Visit Sunny Florida: We'll Stare at Ya!
Here are some truly exciting photos from my recent vacation with the parents down in overcast Florida. It was a good time, lots of eating, lots of sleeping. Now sit back and share in my exitement as I share with you just a small taste of the expansive photo record of the many beach dwelling species of Florida bird...
here I is, enjoying "downtown" Disney with the great emancipator himself: Abraham Lincoln, who (apparently) is too cool for New Salem.
The amazing 'brown dancing bird', I wanted to capture one but I just didn't have the heart to cage him and and make him dance for my pleasure, hours on end until his tiny bird legs collapse.
I call this one "I'm about to kick the bird into the ocean"
Aaawww, more peaceful birds! Ca-caw! Ca-Caw! TOOKIE TOOKIE!!!!!!
Oh CRAP. RUN.
Here's my favorite, it's very impressionisticly depressing.
The fabulous OUTRIGGER beach resort! Home of suburban swingers for over fifty years!
Our hotel room, recently and surperbly cleaned by one of the many Dominicanos.
^Enlarged for your desktop wallpapering pleasure.
This was about as sunny as it got...but then I remembered how FREAKING COLD it is here, and I was fine.
These birds were planning their break in for later that night. They were positive little timmy had more french fries.
It's so cute, they think I don't know what they're up to.
Very national-geographic-ish.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for your bonus pleasure...Another LIST!!!
According to Clint, there was no "pop" music in the 90's, so this is the Top 15 'Best Songs Constantly Played on the Radio During the 90's' list...
1. One - U2 (1991)
2. Get What You Give - New Radicals (1998)
3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve (1997)
4. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
5. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins (1995)
6. Wonderwall - Oasis (1995)
7. Kiss From a Rose - Seal (1994)
8. I Don't Wanna Wait - Paula Cole (1996)
9. Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn (1991)
10. Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)
11. Desert Rose - Sting (1999)
12. Ironic - Alanis Morissette (1995)
13. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band (1996)
14. Ray of Light - Madonna (1998)
15. No Rain - Blind Melon (1992)
Aaaand that's it. If you want me to explain my choices, just send cash or check for $25.00 payable to whosinthenews and you will recieve a nifty two page booklet in 2-8 weeks. Goodnight kids.
here I is, enjoying "downtown" Disney with the great emancipator himself: Abraham Lincoln, who (apparently) is too cool for New Salem.
The amazing 'brown dancing bird', I wanted to capture one but I just didn't have the heart to cage him and and make him dance for my pleasure, hours on end until his tiny bird legs collapse.
I call this one "I'm about to kick the bird into the ocean"
Aaawww, more peaceful birds! Ca-caw! Ca-Caw! TOOKIE TOOKIE!!!!!!
Oh CRAP. RUN.
Here's my favorite, it's very impressionisticly depressing.
The fabulous OUTRIGGER beach resort! Home of suburban swingers for over fifty years!
Our hotel room, recently and surperbly cleaned by one of the many Dominicanos.
^Enlarged for your desktop wallpapering pleasure. 
This was about as sunny as it got...but then I remembered how FREAKING COLD it is here, and I was fine.
These birds were planning their break in for later that night. They were positive little timmy had more french fries.
It's so cute, they think I don't know what they're up to.
Very national-geographic-ish.---------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for your bonus pleasure...Another LIST!!!
According to Clint, there was no "pop" music in the 90's, so this is the Top 15 'Best Songs Constantly Played on the Radio During the 90's' list...
1. One - U2 (1991)
2. Get What You Give - New Radicals (1998)
3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve (1997)
4. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
5. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins (1995)
6. Wonderwall - Oasis (1995)
7. Kiss From a Rose - Seal (1994)
8. I Don't Wanna Wait - Paula Cole (1996)
9. Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn (1991)
10. Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)
11. Desert Rose - Sting (1999)
12. Ironic - Alanis Morissette (1995)
13. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band (1996)
14. Ray of Light - Madonna (1998)
15. No Rain - Blind Melon (1992)
Aaaand that's it. If you want me to explain my choices, just send cash or check for $25.00 payable to whosinthenews and you will recieve a nifty two page booklet in 2-8 weeks. Goodnight kids.
12.22.2005
What's the Word? A Word Up.
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Just got back from Florida and have plenty of stuff to write about, BUT, when I got home today I noticed that my computer suddenly decided not to boot anymore, I guess the hardrive is dead, or something.
UPDATE
mmm aye, it'll probably be a while till I post anything, my computer needs a good kicking...something or other, but it's broke and I don't like using this computer, so, I might be back in a week or so.
I'll just give a VERY quick little review of King Kong and Chronicles of Narnia here...
Both of these holiday season blockbusters have quite a bit in common; they both have sub-par, cartoonish CGI and they both go nowhere fast. Yeah, this is my super trite, cranky review but I just didn't like these movies. I'm not sure what it is but I just wasn't in the mood for these films that came across as really rushed and substanceless. It was like watching someone play a videogame for 3 hours. The Chronicles of Narnia...uuuuh, first of all I was not expecting another Lord of the Rings, so that's not the problem...The problem is that this film is just a total snooze fest, and not an artsy, deep and relaxing Fellowship of the Ring snoozefest. I honestly couldn't have cared any less about the characters or what was even going on; the battle was lame, the characters were forgettable and the CGI was bad. Overall it's not a terrible film, but definitely not good, it's just...forgettable, a lot like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and in my opinion there's nothing worse than an average, vanilla movie. At least really crappy movies (Batman and Robin) still get talked about, evoking some emotion...even if it is mostly hatred.
And that's all it is, a very disappointing, meh. And the best part is that it will probably make enough money to warrant the making of the other three relavent books, "Last Battle" and the other one I can't remember, BUT fortunately no one forces me to go the theater!
King Kong on the other hand isn't nearly as mediocre. It at least had some action to keep things rolling and was able to keep my attention until just before they capture Kong and bring him back to New York. After that it seems to just flop to the end. In the last 45 or so minutes we get more "love" scenes between Naomi Watts and Kong that simply repeat the same thing that was shown in about five other scenes earlier in the film. And there's almost no resolution or learned lesson except for Jack Black's brilliantly delivered line "it was beauty that killed the beast" ...mmm great, sooooo, and? I'll admit that Peter Jackson really fleshed out an otherwise one dimensional story about a Monkey, yes, there are underlying themes and messages about greed and understanding "monsters", but the movie is just too 'busy' for any of those things to truly work or sink in. I felt like I was like watching the Temple of Doom but with a deep "profound" message trying desperately to work to the surface, but it never does and we end up with a slightly fancier version of Congo.
Yeah, sorry for the crankiness tonight. Are they worth seeing? Sure, wait for video though. They'll make nice teusday night popcorn rentals, but start it before 8 pm because they're both unecessarily long.
Chronicles of Narnia - 7.47/10 turkish delights
King Kong - 7.9311/10 Naomi Watts
UPDATE
mmm aye, it'll probably be a while till I post anything, my computer needs a good kicking...something or other, but it's broke and I don't like using this computer, so, I might be back in a week or so.
I'll just give a VERY quick little review of King Kong and Chronicles of Narnia here...
Both of these holiday season blockbusters have quite a bit in common; they both have sub-par, cartoonish CGI and they both go nowhere fast. Yeah, this is my super trite, cranky review but I just didn't like these movies. I'm not sure what it is but I just wasn't in the mood for these films that came across as really rushed and substanceless. It was like watching someone play a videogame for 3 hours. The Chronicles of Narnia...uuuuh, first of all I was not expecting another Lord of the Rings, so that's not the problem...The problem is that this film is just a total snooze fest, and not an artsy, deep and relaxing Fellowship of the Ring snoozefest. I honestly couldn't have cared any less about the characters or what was even going on; the battle was lame, the characters were forgettable and the CGI was bad. Overall it's not a terrible film, but definitely not good, it's just...forgettable, a lot like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and in my opinion there's nothing worse than an average, vanilla movie. At least really crappy movies (Batman and Robin) still get talked about, evoking some emotion...even if it is mostly hatred.
And that's all it is, a very disappointing, meh. And the best part is that it will probably make enough money to warrant the making of the other three relavent books, "Last Battle" and the other one I can't remember, BUT fortunately no one forces me to go the theater!
King Kong on the other hand isn't nearly as mediocre. It at least had some action to keep things rolling and was able to keep my attention until just before they capture Kong and bring him back to New York. After that it seems to just flop to the end. In the last 45 or so minutes we get more "love" scenes between Naomi Watts and Kong that simply repeat the same thing that was shown in about five other scenes earlier in the film. And there's almost no resolution or learned lesson except for Jack Black's brilliantly delivered line "it was beauty that killed the beast" ...mmm great, sooooo, and? I'll admit that Peter Jackson really fleshed out an otherwise one dimensional story about a Monkey, yes, there are underlying themes and messages about greed and understanding "monsters", but the movie is just too 'busy' for any of those things to truly work or sink in. I felt like I was like watching the Temple of Doom but with a deep "profound" message trying desperately to work to the surface, but it never does and we end up with a slightly fancier version of Congo.
Yeah, sorry for the crankiness tonight. Are they worth seeing? Sure, wait for video though. They'll make nice teusday night popcorn rentals, but start it before 8 pm because they're both unecessarily long.
Chronicles of Narnia - 7.47/10 turkish delights
King Kong - 7.9311/10 Naomi Watts
12.07.2005
December Whispers of Treachery...
Ah, Collective Soul, so wise, so true, it is December already and so I feel obliged to post something worthy of their genius, but my brain is completely numb after having just finished a six page paper about ‘how Tim Burton films teach us lessons about how to treat weird people’. I can honestly say I’ve never been so uninspired in my life, sure I love Burton and enjoyed doing the research but I just couldn’t muster up even the tiniest bit of motivation. I focused my thoughts as hard as I could but the wheel inside my brain was just barely screeching along, uuuaagh, c'mon, THINK!!! I laid on the floor and stared at the computer screen, as the hours ticked by, as no thoughts entered my vacant mind. Easily the worst case of writers block I've ever had. But, fortunately for me I went into a bizarre, caffeine induced creative streak...I just kept typing and typing as the sugar rushed through my veins, speaking to me wisdoms and notions of things unseen...until I had six pages worth of lofty sounding words and concepts. I'm not sure if it makes any sense or if it's just total gobbledygook BS...but I think I accomplished most the goals of the paper, for the most part…I hope.
I downloaded this today, Google Earth. This program is a-ma-zing, you can zoom in and out, tilt and pan, wherever, anywhere over the globe. However, some places have clearer satellite photos than others, like TOWANDAAA! If you can figure out these ridiculous coordinates then you might have the once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing my hidden rebel base..."pointer - 40,34,57.63 N 88,52,26.86 W elevation - 768 ft"...right there,
the house shaped like an M...see, I'm in the driveway...giving you the christian finger. Anyway, this thing is awesome, it makes the world seem so small (I've finally discovered what the elusive country of Portugal looks like), but at the same time so much larger and kind of lonely; here we are, this tiny globe sitting somewhere in infinite space...here I am, out of all the places in the world I could be, in central Illinois...strange...it also makes me sad that the all I've seen of it (outside of the states) is Tijuana, which barely even counts. I want to see the great pyramids!
and I want to taste the delicious burritos in el Ciudad de Panama!
Anyway, Another thing I noticed is that when you look at a regular flat map like you see in books, the oceans look fairly "small", well, a lot less than the 70% of the earth's surface, or whatever it is. But on a realistic looking globe, zooming in and out with the power of Google, you see just how truly enormous they are. I used to wonder why more Cubans don't just swim to the Florida keys...now I know. And Australia...gah! Soooo unbelieveably faaar awaay, sdjfskdfmAB!! It reaffirms my belief that it's just a gigantic Arizona, out there all alone in the middle of the ocean, not a care in the world. And just think if you lived in Perth, you're on the far side of the island, thousands and thousands of miles from the side that has the only four good cities in the entire chunk of land>
>see this beautiful port city? Well it's facing directly west and absolutely NOTHING for a gagillion miles in that direction, but east...LOOK! a crater! and no one even noticed, except the dinosaurs.
Eh, nevermind, I've got a book comin' out sometime that will explain my theories. One day I'm going to visit the Aussies and ask them if what it feels like to live completely separated from the troubles of the world...hmm. It's like heaven, except boring and liberal.
yes, well, my leg hurts, I'm going to go have a tortilla. Goodnight all you lovers in the world.
I downloaded this today, Google Earth. This program is a-ma-zing, you can zoom in and out, tilt and pan, wherever, anywhere over the globe. However, some places have clearer satellite photos than others, like TOWANDAAA! If you can figure out these ridiculous coordinates then you might have the once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing my hidden rebel base..."pointer - 40,34,57.63 N 88,52,26.86 W elevation - 768 ft"...right there,
the house shaped like an M...see, I'm in the driveway...giving you the christian finger. Anyway, this thing is awesome, it makes the world seem so small (I've finally discovered what the elusive country of Portugal looks like), but at the same time so much larger and kind of lonely; here we are, this tiny globe sitting somewhere in infinite space...here I am, out of all the places in the world I could be, in central Illinois...strange...it also makes me sad that the all I've seen of it (outside of the states) is Tijuana, which barely even counts. I want to see the great pyramids!
and I want to taste the delicious burritos in el Ciudad de Panama!Anyway, Another thing I noticed is that when you look at a regular flat map like you see in books, the oceans look fairly "small", well, a lot less than the 70% of the earth's surface, or whatever it is. But on a realistic looking globe, zooming in and out with the power of Google, you see just how truly enormous they are. I used to wonder why more Cubans don't just swim to the Florida keys...now I know. And Australia...gah! Soooo unbelieveably faaar awaay, sdjfskdfmAB!! It reaffirms my belief that it's just a gigantic Arizona, out there all alone in the middle of the ocean, not a care in the world. And just think if you lived in Perth, you're on the far side of the island, thousands and thousands of miles from the side that has the only four good cities in the entire chunk of land>
>see this beautiful port city? Well it's facing directly west and absolutely NOTHING for a gagillion miles in that direction, but east...LOOK! a crater! and no one even noticed, except the dinosaurs.
Eh, nevermind, I've got a book comin' out sometime that will explain my theories. One day I'm going to visit the Aussies and ask them if what it feels like to live completely separated from the troubles of the world...hmm. It's like heaven, except boring and liberal.yes, well, my leg hurts, I'm going to go have a tortilla. Goodnight all you lovers in the world.
11.26.2005
Thanksgiving Weekend
I'm thankful for many things; comfy pillows, electric blankets, my health, family, friends (sometimes), the entertainment industry, tropical climates, mexican food, velcro shoes etc etc...But this year I'm most thankful for seeing a metal rod fly through a car window and then through Paris Hilton's head. Yes, I spent a nonrefundable part of my thankgiving day watching the fantastic remake of "House of Wax". One of the many horror classics of the past two years which features American Eagle models finding hidden dangers and fright in any and everything. "That guy was here yesterday! Aaagh!"..."They didn't give me the correct change!! Heeelllp!!!"..."It's a guy with a southern accent! RUN!!!"..."It's a JEW!!! RUUUUN!".
What else is goin on...I just realized that I need to start working on a paper for one of my classes, I have plenty of time but it's one those topics that requires you to put lots of ambiguous terms into action. It's about the social/cultural impact a certain genre of film has.
...well, I have to go finish "Syberia", an adventure game I got in the walmart bargain section. It's a few years old, not the best adventure game I've ever played but it's definitely worth the few bucks. Except, it's got this wierd 'sideplot' I guess you could call it, where the main character Kate Walker answers her cell phone at random times and engages in long winded conversations with; her boss, mother, friend and EXTREMELY annoying fiance'. At first I was like, this sucks, what the crap is this? But after a while a tapestry of comic gold unfolds, her boyfriend is easily the most absurd character I've ever encountered in a videogame. I can't describe it, he is so overthetoply clingy and dependent, you just gotta see it for yourself. After a while I was wishing the guy was real so I could punch him in the ovaries that he probably has. The other funny thing (but also kind of inspiring) is how almost every non robotic character in the game treats Kate like complete and utter crap, but she always keeps her rosie disposition. And as the story progresses she gets more and more aloof, until at the end she's just screws everything and goes to Syberia. Yes, she's awesome, she mastered the art of tuning out the world without raising your blood pressure to dangerous levels.
Yes, well, Every so often I like to pick up a good PC adventure game, it's just my kind of gaming, very low key and introverted. It's a nice quick way of seeing exotic places that I will never see and one's that don't exist.
Have a good day everybody!
What else is goin on...I just realized that I need to start working on a paper for one of my classes, I have plenty of time but it's one those topics that requires you to put lots of ambiguous terms into action. It's about the social/cultural impact a certain genre of film has.
...well, I have to go finish "Syberia", an adventure game I got in the walmart bargain section. It's a few years old, not the best adventure game I've ever played but it's definitely worth the few bucks. Except, it's got this wierd 'sideplot' I guess you could call it, where the main character Kate Walker answers her cell phone at random times and engages in long winded conversations with; her boss, mother, friend and EXTREMELY annoying fiance'. At first I was like, this sucks, what the crap is this? But after a while a tapestry of comic gold unfolds, her boyfriend is easily the most absurd character I've ever encountered in a videogame. I can't describe it, he is so overthetoply clingy and dependent, you just gotta see it for yourself. After a while I was wishing the guy was real so I could punch him in the ovaries that he probably has. The other funny thing (but also kind of inspiring) is how almost every non robotic character in the game treats Kate like complete and utter crap, but she always keeps her rosie disposition. And as the story progresses she gets more and more aloof, until at the end she's just screws everything and goes to Syberia. Yes, she's awesome, she mastered the art of tuning out the world without raising your blood pressure to dangerous levels.
Yes, well, Every so often I like to pick up a good PC adventure game, it's just my kind of gaming, very low key and introverted. It's a nice quick way of seeing exotic places that I will never see and one's that don't exist.
Have a good day everybody!
11.19.2005
Harry Potter and the Imposter Male Professors!
I'm goin' to jail!Harry Potter returns for yet another year at Hogwarts Academy of devil worship...blah blah blah...After the surprisingly well done and surprisingly dark Prisoner of Azkaban I was fairly excited for the new PG-13 Goblet of Fire, and I wasn't disappointed. In fact I was amazed at how much darker this was, it almost looked like Nightmare Before Christmas and Batman Returns at times. Director Mike Newall does a fabulous job turning Hogwarts into a tangible, believable, truly magical place. The world of Harry Potter in the previous film seemed too busy showing us random computer generated creatures and the clue club adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermione to truly get us involved in Harry's world. This one greatly expands the world of magic by showing us the ministry of magic and students from other schools. Also, the focus shifts almost exclusively to Harry, finally turning him into a hero instead of a confused little boy who has every piece of the puzzle fall into his lap.
Another big plus for GOF is much improved acting, especially from little Danny Radcliff who managed to widen his range beyond a stare of astonishment. I was also pleased by the near of absence of Malfoy and his snooty father played by snooty British actor Jason Isaacs. The absence of their hammed up performances really kept this movie at a nice, "believable" level.
Complaints: The dude whose cell phone rang during the movie, which is annoying enough, but then he answers it and proceeds to have an entire conversation in the packed theater. "Uh yeah dude, I'm at a movie right now, yeah dude, where you at? Sure mang, I'll pick you up afterwords..." to which I proceed to turn my head and yell "shut up", which is followed by several others, to which the guy proceeds to talk even louder to prove his point that no one puts baby in a corner. To this, master of the cell phone, I salute you. Never back down, brah.
As for the movie itself, I wish there could have been more Gary Oldman and Alan Rickman, I love those guys. SPOILER, sorta...I wish there hadn't been yet another professor who ends up being a pawn of "the one who cannot be mentioned" or whatever his name is. Dear JK, you're turning Harry Potter into Scooby Doo. END SPOILER!
...Yes, well, not much else to say other than that I highly recommend this one, an all around good time and an above average film. And for the nice quick Gary Goldman cameo I give this one a 8.743/10 Hermiones
11.15.2005
"Phil Collins Says Genesis Reunion Possible"
UPDATE Here we go, I found another article from Rolling Stone which also quotes Peter as saying "the odds (of a Genesis reunion) are better now than before, we're going to have the conversation." Weellllll, sounds like the wheels are a turnin', maybe? Wow.
--------------------------------
"Phil Collins Says Genesis Reunion Possible"
Let me just start by saying that this is the most vague news article I've ever seen. Nevertheless, it gives me just enough glimmers of hope to make me want to jump out the window head first (out of sheer joy of course)...
Apparently Phil Collins, who is currently touring the mid east delighting arabs with such classic Disney favorites as "You'll be in my Heart" and "Sussudio", says "I'm open for it."
Holy crap! The interviewer asked him if a Genesis reunion is possible and HE DIDN'T SAY NO!!!! sdfksdhfksdmaaaB!!!!!!!
My current number one goal in life is to see Peter Gabriel in concert. Goal #132 on my list is to see Phil Collins, so what could possibly be better?! NOTHING!!! The only thing that could even come close would be seeing Sting deflate his ego for two seconds and reunite with the Police...
BUT, none of this is even going to happen. BUT, if it does, I will sell every possession I own and be right there in the front row to see Genesis the way they were always meant to be, with Peter. I would however enjoy seeing a few 80's Genesis favorites...and "in the air tonight"...and that Tarzan song.
Anyway, ergo, visa vi, I will be there (if it happens) bowing down at the majesty of art rock at it's artsy finest.
We'll see.
--------------------------------
"Phil Collins Says Genesis Reunion Possible"
Let me just start by saying that this is the most vague news article I've ever seen. Nevertheless, it gives me just enough glimmers of hope to make me want to jump out the window head first (out of sheer joy of course)...
Apparently Phil Collins, who is currently touring the mid east delighting arabs with such classic Disney favorites as "You'll be in my Heart" and "Sussudio", says "I'm open for it."
Holy crap! The interviewer asked him if a Genesis reunion is possible and HE DIDN'T SAY NO!!!! sdfksdhfksdmaaaB!!!!!!!
My current number one goal in life is to see Peter Gabriel in concert. Goal #132 on my list is to see Phil Collins, so what could possibly be better?! NOTHING!!! The only thing that could even come close would be seeing Sting deflate his ego for two seconds and reunite with the Police...
BUT, none of this is even going to happen. BUT, if it does, I will sell every possession I own and be right there in the front row to see Genesis the way they were always meant to be, with Peter. I would however enjoy seeing a few 80's Genesis favorites...and "in the air tonight"...and that Tarzan song.
Anyway, ergo, visa vi, I will be there (if it happens) bowing down at the majesty of art rock at it's artsy finest.
We'll see.
11.12.2005
30 Days of Hell...
UPDATE 11.27 - ok. I've failed, I just had Hardee's and I'm already regretting it. I had made it 16 days, pretty good. My health didn't improve in any noticeable way, however as the days went by I found myself actually being disgusted by the thought of fast food. I don't know what happened today though, I blacked out for a bit and when I came to I had a sack of Hardee's food. Then I blacked out again and when I woke up I had eaten it. I have no self control. Welp, that's the end of that I guess.
----------------------------------------
I've been inspired!
Hey everybody, I JUST got done watching the documentary "Super Size Me" for the first time and I must say I really enjoyed it. There were a lot more facts, arguments and startling evidence than I expected. Of course I, like most people, already knew that fast food crap is bad you, but I was never too concerned about it, I mean, it's a cheap lunch, it does the trick! I MUST HAVE IT!!! BUT, actually watching what this food was doing to Morgan's body was a lot different. Basically every terrible symptom he goes through is a little too close to how I feel currently living on my diet which consists of at least 50% fast food...
And so, I've decided to go THIRTY DAYS without eating at ANY fast food restaraunt and am also going to stop drinking soda...let the withdrawals begin...
Every few days I'll post to report how it's going, I'm sure this won't be that interesting but I AM sure that I'll feel much better but I think the major point of this is to see whether I can overcome the addiction of soda and fast food.
We'll see.
Goodbye Taco Bell, I still love you.
----------------------------------------
I've been inspired!
Hey everybody, I JUST got done watching the documentary "Super Size Me" for the first time and I must say I really enjoyed it. There were a lot more facts, arguments and startling evidence than I expected. Of course I, like most people, already knew that fast food crap is bad you, but I was never too concerned about it, I mean, it's a cheap lunch, it does the trick! I MUST HAVE IT!!! BUT, actually watching what this food was doing to Morgan's body was a lot different. Basically every terrible symptom he goes through is a little too close to how I feel currently living on my diet which consists of at least 50% fast food...
And so, I've decided to go THIRTY DAYS without eating at ANY fast food restaraunt and am also going to stop drinking soda...let the withdrawals begin...
Every few days I'll post to report how it's going, I'm sure this won't be that interesting but I AM sure that I'll feel much better but I think the major point of this is to see whether I can overcome the addiction of soda and fast food.
We'll see.
Goodbye Taco Bell, I still love you.
10.25.2005
Some Help For Coldplay...
Five Improvement Tips for Coldplay…
I’ll give Coldplay this much, they’ve successfully warded off the slew of U2 comparisons and become…successful. Are they still like U2? Yes, but at least they have a piano, and a different socio-political agenda. Will they ever be as good as U2? F no. I’m not here to argue that, because the idea is absurd, unless the god of rock and roll suddenly grants them a couple more perfect albums, at least fifteen more hit songs and the ability to finally carve out their own perfectly original musical niche. But the reality is that most bands will never be as successful as U2, so that’s not the point. The point is this; how can Coldplay improve themselves and one day potentially move into the realm of icon status?
Here are three very lame tips I have concocted...
Advice # 3...
Will Champion (lead guitar player) - No one knows who you are. No one knows who anyone else in the band is really, but EVERYONE should at least know you and Chris, the one-two punch. Here’s what you need to do: Lose 35 lbs, you’re much too healthy looking to be a legendary lead guitarist. If you don’t smoke, start. And finally, most importantly, change your name to something memorable, something "rockin". Like, Champ, or The Champ, or The Champion, or just Champion. Wilcham would be cool too. The C-Man would also rock. Make people notice you! You are the rock and roll power, you hold in your hands the tool that makes legends. Push that glory hound Chris out of the way, you deserve to rock.
Advice #2
There’s this idea about the Beatle’s music called “carnival”, which helps explain the success of their music by saying it was “all inclusive”, that it was so eclectic and fun that it reached everyone from kids to adults. Lord knows I’m not comparing, but Coldplay needs to take a cue, start being more, dare I say, less eurotrashy. Yes, I realize their ‘sound’ is supposed to be sparse and moody, but for the purpose of this (becoming an icon) which unfortunately requires American approval, they need lose the ‘attitude’. This can be accomplished fairly easily without changing much. First Chris Martin, you need some caffeine. Start singing like you’re not dead. Next, people love the electric guitar solo, we want solos, we wanna hear it rip, pleeeaaase, let the Champ-man shred on his axe! And lastly, you MUST learn the art of quirkiness, it won’t tarnish your “deep” image, just a song here or there, maybe even just a cover. Something lighthearted will accomplish two things: it will create better contrast on your album, making ‘deep and depressing’ songs sound deeper and more depressing, and will go a long way in making you seem approachable.
Advice #1
Chris, take a step back there, buddy. Learn some faux modesty, all the great front men know this. This is also easily accomplished: I don’t know if they do this or not, because I don’t listen to bootlegs or go to Coldplay shows, but start introducing the band, easy. And the other way to do this is to move your head out of the way and let the world see your band’s pretty faces. Just do some photo shoots where you conspicuously put yourself in the back, making it seem like your band has the forefront, but in reality you’re striking some pose that says, look at me, I am the front man. So it all works out in the end!
Advice #0
Shenanigans! Whether it be trashing the hotel room or conversing comically with the press, act like rock stars. Start a catch phrase, film a concert on top of the White House. Dating Gwyneth Paltrow is not enough, especially since no one likes her.
In conclusion, Coldplay needs to add some cherries to their vanilla ice cream. The End.
as of now, I give Coldplay a very generous 7.978437/10 Clocks.
I’ll give Coldplay this much, they’ve successfully warded off the slew of U2 comparisons and become…successful. Are they still like U2? Yes, but at least they have a piano, and a different socio-political agenda. Will they ever be as good as U2? F no. I’m not here to argue that, because the idea is absurd, unless the god of rock and roll suddenly grants them a couple more perfect albums, at least fifteen more hit songs and the ability to finally carve out their own perfectly original musical niche. But the reality is that most bands will never be as successful as U2, so that’s not the point. The point is this; how can Coldplay improve themselves and one day potentially move into the realm of icon status?
Here are three very lame tips I have concocted...
Advice # 3...
Will Champion (lead guitar player) - No one knows who you are. No one knows who anyone else in the band is really, but EVERYONE should at least know you and Chris, the one-two punch. Here’s what you need to do: Lose 35 lbs, you’re much too healthy looking to be a legendary lead guitarist. If you don’t smoke, start. And finally, most importantly, change your name to something memorable, something "rockin". Like, Champ, or The Champ, or The Champion, or just Champion. Wilcham would be cool too. The C-Man would also rock. Make people notice you! You are the rock and roll power, you hold in your hands the tool that makes legends. Push that glory hound Chris out of the way, you deserve to rock.
Advice #2
There’s this idea about the Beatle’s music called “carnival”, which helps explain the success of their music by saying it was “all inclusive”, that it was so eclectic and fun that it reached everyone from kids to adults. Lord knows I’m not comparing, but Coldplay needs to take a cue, start being more, dare I say, less eurotrashy. Yes, I realize their ‘sound’ is supposed to be sparse and moody, but for the purpose of this (becoming an icon) which unfortunately requires American approval, they need lose the ‘attitude’. This can be accomplished fairly easily without changing much. First Chris Martin, you need some caffeine. Start singing like you’re not dead. Next, people love the electric guitar solo, we want solos, we wanna hear it rip, pleeeaaase, let the Champ-man shred on his axe! And lastly, you MUST learn the art of quirkiness, it won’t tarnish your “deep” image, just a song here or there, maybe even just a cover. Something lighthearted will accomplish two things: it will create better contrast on your album, making ‘deep and depressing’ songs sound deeper and more depressing, and will go a long way in making you seem approachable.
Advice #1
Chris, take a step back there, buddy. Learn some faux modesty, all the great front men know this. This is also easily accomplished: I don’t know if they do this or not, because I don’t listen to bootlegs or go to Coldplay shows, but start introducing the band, easy. And the other way to do this is to move your head out of the way and let the world see your band’s pretty faces. Just do some photo shoots where you conspicuously put yourself in the back, making it seem like your band has the forefront, but in reality you’re striking some pose that says, look at me, I am the front man. So it all works out in the end!
Advice #0
Shenanigans! Whether it be trashing the hotel room or conversing comically with the press, act like rock stars. Start a catch phrase, film a concert on top of the White House. Dating Gwyneth Paltrow is not enough, especially since no one likes her.
In conclusion, Coldplay needs to add some cherries to their vanilla ice cream. The End.
as of now, I give Coldplay a very generous 7.978437/10 Clocks.
10.11.2005
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Well I finally saw one of the three movies out now that I wanted to, Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. The other two being Corpse Bride and Serenity. I've been a big fan of all the W&G movies, especially "The Wrong Trousers" which featured the hilarious evil penguin, so of course I was excited for this new one (even though I only recently knew it was coming out)...
This one has Wallace and his faithful (and probably more intelligent) dog Gromit in the pest control business, protecting their neighbor's prized crops from the rabbits who are growing out of control. So Wallace decides to try and brainwash the rabbits into not liking vegetables, but something goes terribly wrong, thus creating the were-rabbit, who starts terrorizing the neighborhood.I don't really feel like analyzing this in depth, because I've been writing all night, but I will say that you guys need to go see it, it 's a lot of fun and filled with some great laughs, relying on story driven and subtle humor as opposed to a lot of other animated films whos humor has become very formulaic. It keeps up a good fun pace, has interesting characters and is beautifully done, the visuals are outstanding and deserve a big thumbs up.
So yeah, go see it sometime, or definitely check it out when it's on video.
8.65/10 Cracklin' Toasts.
10.10.2005
The Ambiguously Gay Trio
If there was one thing people loved in the 80's, it was action, American's craved it, they needed it, but all they could do was sit and watch it on the television and in the theater, they couldn't act out their violent tendencies and still avoid jail time. So, when videogames finally reached the mainstream it was a no-brainer...Sure, jumping on the heads of turtles and shooting ducks was an acceptable short term deterent, but people deserved more and the lust for blood was not yet quenched. What they wanted was to kick @$$ on the mean streets of New York city from the safety of their own home and be able to select from 2-3 different characters which accurately represent their inner New Kid On The Block. They wanted to feel what it was like to be accepted into the street fighter sub culture, to see life through the eyes of someone who could beat the crap out of them. They wanted someone to ask them the question: "are you a bad enough dude?" 
And in the vein of all previous sidescrolling button smashers such as Double Dragon, Ninja Turtles, Bad Dudes, Final Fight, River City Ransom, Two Crude Dudes and Streets of Rage, we have one of the less interesting ones; COMBATRIBES. Combat-tribes. Ultimate warriors, vigilantes who solve the worlds problems one beating at a time.I admit I enjoyed this game enough to not delete it off my computer, because it was either ripped off or developed by the same people who did River City Ransom, a classic NES game where you could punch, kick and throw most anything not tied to the ground. There was a simplicity about the action that made it very smooth and satisfying. But, I lost interest in this game after the introduction story. I mean in most other action games you KNOW what you're fighting for; a woman, the president, to save the city from certain destruction, but here, eh, it's too ambiguous and I'm too impatient to get through enough of it to figure out who the ground zero gang is. I don't even care.
As part of Osama Bin Laden's secret Al-Queida training his operatives would learn various occupations to fit in and terrorize America, some men learned to fly airplanes, some would become businessmen and some became videogame developers, who were responsible for this intro text.The COMBATRIBES have also learned of another secret organization working for ground zero: "The Red Cross".
LONG PAUSE...
Their powers of deduction; solid...their widows peaks; legendary.
Here's the part of the game where I stopped playing. I hate clowns anyway, but these guys just aren't fighting fair, that purple one nailed me with a bowling pin in the back of the head. Idiot.
Look at me beg for mercy! Those silly clowns are ruthless. Look at em! Choking me and biting my fro.All this retro action gaming got me to thinking...these types of games have all but disappeared! Yeah, we have Grand Theft Auto, Dead to Rights, that one Jet Li game and Max Payne but it's not the same, there isn't the same glamourizing of the street, surviving on nothing but your fists and your super cool jumpsuit and super cool hairdo, so I plead desperately with Nintendo and Sony and Microsoft, PALLLEEEAAAAASE MAKE THIS INTO A GAME AND OR MOVIE>
10.06.2005
Negotiations Have Failed!
THE PTA HAS DISBANDED!!!!The television was on tonight and I happened to overhear some glorious news that, I'm afraid I'm jinxing by writing this but, apparently the Heartland CC teacher's union has voted unanimously to maybe strike in 8-10 days, I guess. And they mean business, they all wore red to signify they're out for blood! I should probably be alarmed at this news, it could potentially prolong my stay at HCC or prevent me from recieving my coveted Associate of Arts, but what can I say? I love a good strike...and I hate all my classes this semester.
Everything is proceeding according to my design, mwahahaha!!!
10.05.2005
Album Review/ Crappy Radio/ Awkward Moments
I got this album a while ago but really didn’t give it the listen it deserved, in my mind I guess I was sort of pouting that they didn’t decide to repeat what they did on their last album "Truth Be Told", so I almost cast aside this gem without giving it a proper chance, which is foolish considering I didn’t like their last album at first listen either or most any of my favorite albums for that matter...Over the past couple weeks the tracks have been playing randomly on my media player and I’ve discovered how layered these songs are, with each listen a new element of music becomes apparent leaving me pleasantly surprised at how fresh this is, and I keep wondering how a band just keeps getting better with age (in my opinion).Blues Traveler has always been a very polished rhymic/ pseudo-blues band who never really broke away from their established sound at all until the “new era“ of the band, after bassist Bobby Sheehan passed away. Their last album wasn’t a huge change from the norm either but what I enjoy about it is the ‘purpose’ they suddenly seemed to discover, every song seemed carefully crafted, far more than their previous work which seemed to just build upon solos and rhythms and then became repetitious. 'Bastardos' is just as carefully crafted as Truth Be Told, but the band has also moved to the next step; adding innovation and layering. There had always been hints of experimentation in previous BT albums but it was far too safe and after a while it began to simply seem like stuff they were pulling out of their small bag of tricks; adding strange background vocals and other unnatural sounds here and there but never went far enough with them to be captivating.
Another thing that I felt their music lacked was a sense of epicness, I always felt that, especially with their first three albums, the melody and rhythm was always far too tightly compacted and quirky, the songs always often seemed hyper and the performances rushed.
The sound remains the same, this album is very Blues Traveler-ish of course, classic John Popper lyrics and vocals (which are the best they‘ve ever been), jams, harmonica solos…they’ve taken what we know and run it through a filter of excellent production, beautiful layering and surprise.
Bastardos is extremely engaging; there are parts where you expect a verse to simply enter the usual hook, and you wouldn’t have blamed them for it either, some of these songs could have played it safe and maybe been hits, but they insert a slightly off key melody or strange instrument choice that forces you to rewind and play again until you finally “get it”.
Finally, one thing different about Bastardos, that I’m not sure whether I like yet or not; the silliness is missing. I’m not sure how to describe it but in BT albums you usually expect a few songs that have extremely lighthearted, almost novelty, lyrical content that read like lists IE - “All in the Groove”, “Canadian Rose”, “Thinnest of Air”, “Felicia”, “Girl Inside My Head”, “Psycho Joe” etc. There isn’t one of those here, besides MAYBE “Rubberneck”, which is odd considering the album cover. I do enjoy the humor but there’s an air of quality that Bastardos has because of it's absense.
Anyhew, wonderful album, but unfortunately ol’ BT won’t be getting airplay again until they start riding on the wave of Coldplay‘s success or else put out a hip hop album, like one of my other favorite bands has recently done (wink wink). I’d love to see John Popper trying to sing depressing, sparse, lyrics while staring sickly into the camera. Only in bizzaro world. Screw radio play.
I give it 8.43/10 Bastardoses
and my rank of the BT albums...
1. Truth Be Told 2. Four 3. Bastardos 4. Bridge 5. Travelers and Theives 6. Straight on till Morning 7. Blues Traveler 8. Save His Soul
And in other news, there’s another mediocre radio station in town, JACKfm’s spin-off cousin, Bob radio, 97.3. At first I was excited because the station claims to play “everything”, but in playing “everything” it plays nothing. I listen and feel like, what the crap, I should be loving this, they play light semi-pop, relaxed/ acoustiquirky favorites from the early 70‘s through today, but there’s one problem, it’s ridiculously homogenous, there’s no reference points for the songs, so songs you usually love like Queen’s “Somebody to Love” has no “Princes of the Universe” to contrast it. One boring song fades into another without anything to bring up the excitement level by contrast. It’s like listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Animals’ but without the Pink Floyd and the artsyness. And there’s not even a hint of ethnicity on the station, which means that most of my favorite artists will never be played.
And so I add this station to the list of “radio stations that got my hopes up”; the steaming pile 105.7, an adult contemporary station that is nothing more than the WBNQ (local pop hits station) archives and the other, 94.3 the smooth jazz station that has an extremely tiny play list.
In today’s "disturbing" category, I experienced the most awkward situation of my life. I was sitting in math class, listening to the teacher rattle off what seem like stereo instructions, completely lost and worrying whether or not I’ll be able to survive this class (finite math aka the most useless form of math I‘ve ever been forced to take in my life).
The teacher occasionally gets perturbed that we don’t participate more, but we honestly have two valid excuses, it’s early and we don’t have a clue what‘s going on.
So today we’re going over some word problem that happens to have the word ‘vessel’ in it, she pauses for a moment and I could see the think bubble above her head, her hyperanalytical math brain was formulating humor, hold on, wait for it...V = vessel, vessel = nautical word, nautical = pirates, pirates = funny, so apparently she though that V = funny.
I could see it coming from a mile away, so I immediately stared at the floor and clenched up like you do right before a roller coaster takes off…she says “when was the last time you used the word vessel?! (Am I right!? Am I right?!?!) -- she was implying by her facial expression, waiting for the laugh, the thunderous applause, the academy award for best supporting actress in a community college math class…
DEAD PAUSE IN THE ROOM. Not even a cough.
She continues to say something, I think, but I blacked out for a few seconds so I‘m not sure…
*Cricket…
Her golden opportunity quickly turns into our sin...
"there, I see a couple smiles" she winces *sigh "I try..it’s hard sometimes…"
There’s nowhere I can look that isn’t awkward, so I close my eyes.
In the future I will learn to recognize when math humor is on it’s way and muster up whatever fake smile I can manage.
What a day.
Oh and sorry about that word verification thing in the comments, I had to do it, every time I post now I get spam.
9.12.2005
My New Book: Coming Never!
I swear on Bob Marley's grave that I'm going to write a book and I'm going to call it - "I Know What That Means: Seeing Through and Exposing the Bull$&*!" The revised edition of which will feature my patented "What it Really Means" translation dictionary!There's an epidemic in this nation: people not saying what they really mean. Of course I don't want a bunch of little Chris Rocks running around, but PLEASE, everyone, stop trying to use inch thin lies to preserve a false sense of the status quo. In this case, what you don't want us to know that we already know, hurts us worse than if we did know what you really think.
Friends, employers, teachers, coaches, all think they're making things better by giving the other person, who in reality they are rejecting, a false sense of hope, instead of letting them down then and there and letting them move on with their life.
Well maybe this is really a good thing, you say.
Well I say you say nothing.
And it doesn't just annoy the person being lied to, definitely not, no one likes to put on a facade. Both parties know about the facade, it's blatantly there, so they both embrace it and put on a little play of politeness.
"this is just too painful, this playing-it-out"
PARTY A (initial BS'er) - stop BS'ing
PARTY B (person being BS'ed) - learn to see the facade, stop it before it starts, you could save a life, potentially your own.
and remember, "you mustn't walk so that a child may live."
and
"The best TV you've ever seen, where people say the things that they really mean" - The Barry Williams Show
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)