He helped usher the Beatles into their 'Magical Mystery' phase, now THE FAMOUS Maharishi is bringing his eastern mysticism to the heart of conservatism, McLean county! My prediction...BIG SUCCESS.
I found this newspaper clipping lying at the bottom of my bedroom stairs, placed there by my dad who knows that I enjoy this kind of crap. After staring at it for a while I began to feel confused and frightened, in a distant, ambiguous way. The ad (as seen above from the daily Pantagraph) has an artist's rendition of the "peace palace" which says "to be built in Bloomington", ok, so they just want to spread the word and start making appointments, maybe get employees lined up. I was curious as to how large this planned "peace palace" was going to be, so I browsed my way over to the PP web page. Was it going to be an actual palace? Was it going to look like a palace on the outside but only have like three rooms inside? Or perhaps it would be a tanning salon next to the Aeropostale at Eastland Mall. I needed to know, I needed answers, but the website told me nothing, but in telling me nothing it revealed the plans for a one world nation with the Maharishi as it's antichrist. There are no real pictures on the website, only a couple cheaply done 3-d images of non existent "peace palaces", some generic information about the programs offered and some other info for building developers. But then there's a link to an article called "Invincibility to Every Nation" which is nearly unreadable thanks to the lofty idealist jargon. The article keeps using the word "invincibility" in a way that makes me think that they were thinking that invincibility meant something else or that perhaps they meant to put in a different word, like, stability? Maybe? Anyway, the article goes on to talk about how world leaders and other government officials can come to Maharishi Vedic University in Holland to learn the art of Invincibility...I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, not until this moment, I will be attending MVU in the fall.
I know, this is going nowhere, but stay with me...The sponsoring organization of all this "peace palace" and maharishi university stuff is the 'Global Country of World Peace"...
Google > search said organization > And here's their creedo if you want to decipher it, just for kicks..."Welcome to the official Portal of the Global Country of World Peace, which enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nations. In this scientific age we can create a Prevention-Oriented, Problem-Free Administration in any country through the application of the knowledge of total Natural Law—the Constitution of the Universe, which guides the infinite diversity of the ever-expanding universe with perfect order—discovered by the physical sciences (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, etc.) and sung by all the religions of the world as the Will of God. With the full support of Total Natural Law the world can now enjoy a new world order of affluence and peace."
In the words of Val Kilmer's Bruce Wayne "it just raises too many questions", especially to discuss in non book form, but here's the mother of all riddles: Why does a sentence discussing religious unity mention the Will of God?
And finally, to end this long and pointless essay, here's a snippet from above quote which nicely illustrates why world unity scares the *#%! out of me..."The global country of world peace enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nation".
"World unity disquised as world unity is the most dangerous form of world unity" ~ Brett Warren
The Army: "Accelerate Your Death".
Just kidding Luke, Though I will be extremely jealous if you get a war wound. And I'll be right behind you once they bring back the draft, I've got my fingers crossed. Aah! I want to kill, but not voluntarily.
Yessssssss, so I finished my one summer class today, Humanities 101, which was a very brief summary of every art form, ever. Pretty useless, but the teacher did have an english accent, so that was something, mmm hmm.
I'll try to get a couple new a stories a week on this site if I can, but my internet connection is a piece of crap right now. It took me about 45 minutes just to post this.
AAAAaaaND. I'm also looking for someone else to write the occasional story for the site, so if you want to do it, just e-mail me. Pleaaase.
I was watching TV the other day. It was FOX afternoon programming which consists of infomercials, Dharma and Greg and a few judge shows. But crammed into all that fabulous television is the greatest show of them all, a show that somehow surpasses Mad TV, current SNL and Suddenly Susan in terms of craptasticness...
Vin Di Bona, the man who brought such shows as; "Show Me The Funny", "The World's Funniest Videos", "America's Funniest Pets", "America's Funniest People", "America's Funniest HOME Videos", "Animal Crackups" and "America's Funniest Boating Accidents" now brings us "That's Funny" starring our host Rondell Sheridan, of Zoog Disney fame, aka the fifth whitest black man on the planet, right behind Cuba Gooding Jr., the Gumbel brothers and Wayne Brady.
The best part of "That's Funny" is that it tells us that it's funny, we don't have to try and make the distinction for ourselves any longer. It's funny, laugh. But unfortunately, if you ignore or didn't catch the title and are viewing it after it's already started, then it's simply "Not Funny", still starring Rondell Sheridan, the fifth whitest black man.
The second best part of the show is how every clip is pre 1992, nothing after. Is there nothing funny after that year? Maybe not, but maybe people post 92 got wise and realized that standing in line to perform stupid human tricks and other 1920’s slapstick in a mall food court is a waste of time. Maybe.
And my third favorite part of the show is how much I love comedy made by left brained people! It’s like my high school principal hosting a talent show, “I enjoy the occasional humor in my diet, to add a little spice to my daily routine, a ha, mmm yes.”
In conclusion, Vin Di Bona needs to give up on trying to revive what I call “deflected humor” which includes prop humor, body tricks or any other form of comedy that does not involve satire or commentary of any kind.
In fact, he needs to start a new show, hosted by Christopher Walken that brings back the old Shakespearean form of burlesque, farcical mockeries and he can call it “You’re an Idiot!”
and ain't it grand...
That's right, let the good times roll, we're back kids. If you want to know about any potential future long periods of time where there won't be anything new on the site, send an e-mail to whosinthenews@hotmail.com and say "I like pie" or "sign me up, fo real" and I will sign you up for the newsletter which I probably won't be able to figure out how to make work anyway.
Or maybe you don’t want to, maybe you like the excitement of checking the site everyday for new material, in that case, keep on checkin’.
Aaaah, so, what have I been doing this summer? Quite a bit actually, quite a bit. And I don't remember most of it, in fact I don’t remember much of anything, BUT, there have been a couple summer blockbusters that I never really wrote reviews for...
Batman Begins: The Imax experience - I already wrote a very positive review for Batman Begins, but I feel like I need to add some more thoughts after seeing it at an Imax theater last night. Ok, I absolutely loved this movie the first few times I saw it, but last night there were some things that kind of annoyed me or fell really flat. I'm not sure what happened, but a few of the previously small flaws seemed glaring to me now...
1. Katie Holmes just can't act, at all. Her expression for angry, in love, shocked and serious all look the same. It's like Derek Zoolander's "blue steel" look.
2. The death of Bruce Wayne's parent's has almost no emotional impact on me whatsoever. Maybe I'm totally desensitized, but I felt like I was trying to force myself to feel sad or stunned during the Wayne parent's death scene. Before I saw the film I knew that (for me at least) much of the believability of Bruce's character would hinge on whether or not you could identify with his pain, which would be accomplished through his parent’s murder. I know (in this movie) that the Wayne's murder is supposed to place the focus on evil men who created Joe Chill, but I still don't think there's nearly enough shock value. In Batman 89 you feel genuinely frightened during Bruce's flashback to his parent's death. The faceless evil comes out of the darkness and kills his parents for no real reason, it‘s a tragedy. In 'Begins' the murder is portrayed as too much of a fluke, an accident, so it's really not that painful.
3. The fight scenes, aaah. Didn't bother me in the least the first few times and I was even wondering why some people were complaining about them, but NOW...I can't see a friggin thing! There are times, like when Batman beats up the men at the docks, when the close-up, jumbled fight scenes work great. But I REALLY think that AT LEAST the last fight between Batman and Ras on the train should have been more Matrix-esque.
Other than those things, the movie is wonderful and still leaps and bounds above the previous bat films.
Aaand the next movie...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm still not sure what to think of this movie. Overall I enjoyed it, it's fun, but the mood of the film is kind of confusing. It's like a sugar coated kiddy movie with dark elements seeping through in places. It has Tim Burton's trademarks working as a thin skeleton which prop up these freakishly bright images.
The original Wonka created a magical place based within in the real world of groovy 1960's Germany. The new film tries to create those same magical elements such as the golden ticket contest and all the crazy personalities of the kids, in a much more confined, imaginary world, which reminded me of Ron Howard's Whoville. I really think most of the point (and magic) of the Charlie and the Chocolate factory story is based on being able to identify with Charlie and the desperation he feels. In this new film, Charlie lives in a fanciful world where desperation and poverty seem unreal and much of the sadness we're supposed to feel for Charlie is deflected by our investigation in Wonka's bizarre past which comes across as a cutesy side story or something.
Anyway, I’m done bashing. This film succeeds for a few reasons.
1. Burton's little evil twists and biting humor usually works. There are some hilarious moments in the film and some really strange humor that sets this one apart from the old Wonka. My favorite scene being when the contest winners enter the gates of the factory and watch Wonka's it’s-a-small-world-like animatronics who sing a song and then catch fire, melting into scary, disfigured robots right in front of the children and their parent‘s.
1. CGI - I hate it, I love it, I hate it...The magical world of Wonka's factory is finally realized now thanks to technology. His workshop is a far more expansive and imaginative place than it was in the old film.
3. And thirdly, of course, Johnny Depp is a freakin genius. The man can act (though some people may disagree "acting like a pirate is easy"). He succeeds in setting apart his Wonka from Gene Wilders, creating an equally loveable and equally unique figure, which is what was needed.
Back to my summer happenings: Luke is now living in my room. He’s been leeching off my room for days now with no end in sight.
It aaaalllllll started last week when his parents inexplicably kicked him out of his house. Luke says he didn’t do anything to cause it, and I believe him, but only because his old man is pure evil.
Anyway, maybe he'll write a story about it, I dunno, he may still be too bitter to discuss it, but hopefully he will reveal his tricks of the homeless trade and also discuss his plans for the future…and when the crap he’s going to leave.
What did I do today? Thanks for asking. Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll, Luke and I were driving back from old Nashville today. We were nearing Champaign, Illinois, close to home, when I started to lose consciousness. I had succumbed to what is known as “road hypnosis” which is caused by staring at the lines in the road...and this happened...REFER TO MAP>>>
Yep. Biggest detour ever. Remember: Click it or ticket it, booze it or looze it, drive hammered, get nailed and most importantly of all: "Keep your eyes on the prize and off the yellow line".
Well, it's the first of July, and I woke up like I do on any other day. I had gone to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 7:00 in the morning. Like usual I thought I had to work but I got lucky and got called off for the day. Now this is where the real story starts. My mom came downstairs and told me that somebody was coming to look at our house and that I should leave as soon as possible. Well, I'm about to walk out the door until I realize that I have no vehicle to drive around in. With nothing else to do, I decided to set out on a journey. This was a journey that I will never forget. I packed up my backpack and headed from my home in Normal to my Brett's house in Towanda. It took roughly two hours and you can look it up on mapquest if you really have to know how far it was. I managed to find several oasis' on the way and one lagoon. Once I parted from Constitution trail, I knew I was a free man. The grain bins and water tower, in Towanda, were my north star as I set out onto the quiet backroads of Illinois. I am pretty proud of myself for making it without a compass and almost getting hit by a John Deere tractor. It followed me for a mile or so until I ran out of energy. I thought I was a goner. Fortunately, it drove on by and I kept on trecking. That's pretty much the end of this story. It's not quite as interesting as I thought it would be. I may take random biking trips in the future because I actually enjoyed it. Could I go cross country? Only time will tell. Could I ride to the tip of South America? Only time will tell.
Yes kids, I'm still here, still alive and will eventually return the site to it's former glory. Here's a little piece of art I made just now for you to enjoy, so enjoy it, or else, don't. It's called "The Rise and Fall of the Mechanization of the Title-less Generation Number 5"
Since I didn't write a review for it I just need to say GO SEE BATMAN BEGINS if you have not, it's excellent, absotifusdfsfjwekfjly excellent. Thank you film piracy, now I only have to wait less than four months before movies come out on DVD. See! Good does come from evil. It's so freaking late right now...yeah I'm going to bed.
Have a nice rest of the summer, and I will see you again soon!
El Bretto.
Well hello there. I was painting the hallway today when I realized why I was destined for greatness. I had the tv on in the other room and after "Ambush Makeover" there was a paid advertisement for 'Eye Q'. The proven Japanese method to improve reading comprehension. I love infomercials, they're not that different from regular commercials. They're really just like one 30 second commercial repeated fifty slightly different ways. It repeats itself, yet as it goes on it adds upon it's initial claim. Starting with "Improve your reading comprehension in just seven minutes! Go from 50 words per minute to 1500! Notice improvement after just one session!!!" At first it seemed to good to be true. But then they showed some former cop turned Oprah associate/ inner city reading program teacher thing. She told a very convincing story about how when she was a cop she would break into crack houses and notice that there were no books. So she made it her mission in life to bring books to the ghetto. Then she realized that little hoodlums do not like to read. So how was she supposed to teach them to enjoy it? By using a seizure inducing Japanese computer program, that's how. She started getting teary eyed during her story, I was convinced. Now that I was convinced, the infomercial added upon the initial claim of improved reading. "Scientists say that people only use 20 percent of their brain power! What if you could use the other 80 percent!!!??" Well, you probably have the power of telekinesis or be able to foresee that Eye Q will go bankrupt.The program says that it improves ALL brain and eye related functions. This is then verified by a REAL optometrist. "Believe you me, this will make you like a god. Not THE God, but a god! Like me, a REAL optometrist."
!!!!
Staaaaaaar waaars. The final chapter has come. It's almost surreal because it's something I've been waiting for and hypothesizing in my mind for so long. In a way, I've created the hype for myself. That, combined with the media hype has created almost insurmountable expectations for this movie. So, let's begin shall we?...
DISCLAIMER: Everything that follows is fanboy jibberish and will probably be disregarded by me at a later date...
Me, Clint, BS, Luke and my brother Alex all headed to the palace theater for the midnight showing. I was actually expecting it to be not that crowded but when we got there we discovered a line that went from the front doors to almost completely around the building. It was nuts. There was the occasional lightning in the distance, the sprinkling of rain, it was a sign from above, Alec Guiness himself speaking from beyond telling us that all is well. There were costumed girls prancing around asking questions about Jar Jar Binks, there was Russel Rush waddling around with his microphone doing a remote for WBNQ todays hot hot hits station. The excitment was in the air...
Then finally we sat in the theater, in an almost perfect spot, we were ready...
"Lucasfilm Ltd."...
and the crowd began to cheer. It begins...
BAM, right out of the box the movie is "action packed and in your face" ~ Brett Warren of whosinthenews.
I was pleasantly surprised at the fast pace and how different the dialogue was from the previous films. The humor and exchange of lines is so much better in this film.
What makes this movie so much better than the first two films is how stuff is actually interesting, even those Anakin/Padme love scenes that we had to suffer through in the previous movies were now semi-enjoyable. Every scene is just an assault on the senses and beautifully done.
One of the things I was worried about before seeing this was whether it would make me believe that Anakin was actually powerful. It does, besides being physically bigger the film establishes right off the bat that he's powerful as seen in his deul with Dooku.
Probably my biggest surprise and the thing I enjoy the most was how awesome Ian McDirmad's performance is. All of his lines and deliveries are just amazing. There's a LOT of discussion about the sith which I'm really glad they decided to give some explanation.
I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts together when it comes to this movie. There's just so much to take in, so I'll just say that Revenge of the Sith really accomplishes everything it needed to. It's fun, action packed, has improved acting, interesting story line, amazing visuals, ties up loose strings and makes every character believable. All of these elements form an excellent springboard into the next trilogy.
After watching the movie for the second time I immediately came home and watched A New Hope. It was so surreal. The two trilogies flow together almost seamless now. Everything has so much more meaning and urgency.
My only real complaints besides the few things that were on my wish list, were; the bad CGI in places (which can be fixed later) and Darth Vader's "NOOooooooooooooooo!!" after he is created seemed kind of weak. The order or pacing of the last few scenes is kind of awkward. There's nothing really wrong with it, it just seems almost like the movie ends with a montage. I can't quite put my finger on it. But it's not a real problem. Anyway, sorry for the incoherent quickie review. This is one of the best Star Wars movies and even if you’re not a fan of the series it’s still a fun movie you’ll enjoy, so GO NOW AND VIEW IT YOU WILL!
I give it 7.745/10 nerfherders
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OK, I saw it again last night, my head is clear, I swear I'll have a full review by TONIGHT! or else. something bad will happen to me. Good day.
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YES! Finally saw it. GO. SEE. IT. NOW! Easily one of the top three Star Wars films, absolutely action packed and the acting has improved by leaps and bounds. And the best part, you actually believe Anakin is powerful. Ian McDirmid aka Palpatine is fantastic in this film! Wow. Only a few small complaints for this movie which I'll try to review later tonight. I really need to see it again, there's just so much to soak in, but I'll try. GO SEE IT NOW GO! DO IT! AAAaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!
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The day of the premier is approaching! Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is almost here, just a couple days and I'll have a nice long review/nostalgia post for you all to read. I'm getting teary eyed thinking about the saga coming to an end, hmmm. Yep, well, everyone go see it!!!! George Lucas needs cash!!!
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SIXTY FIVE excruciatingly long days left until the FINAL installment of the Star Wars trilogy arrives in theaters! ADjweoicjwpioecjpwioejfpIOJPEFJOPWIERJfo!!!! Yesssssss!
The newest and longest trailer recently debuted (during the O.C. on FOX, but I downloaded it online because I wouldn't watch the OC even if they were showing the whole movie during the commercial break) and I must say it met all my nerdy expectations, "best trailer ever". It start out all evil and slow, with the emperor seducing Anakin and then BAM, the action kicks in and thousand spectacular images race by. MMmmmm someone please build me a time machine because I can't wait 65 days.
So now I'm going to go and plan what costume I'll be wearing for the premiere. Maybe I'll go as George Lucas, grow out my beard - check, look depressed - check, flannel shirt and jeans- check, I'm good to go.
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Get your costumes on and go stand in line! La estrella guerrea el episodio III Venganza del Sith is almost here!!! Only 219 days aways!! WOOOOOOO!!!! That's only like 19 more days until only 200 left and then only 100 more until 100 and then like only 7 weeks after that. This movie will be so freakin' sweet that you will bow down at the throne of George Lucas and repent for doubting his prequal trilogy! HUZZAAAAH!!!
Last night Luke and I and a few other friends decided to have a happy-fun-time get together at one at of our friend's house. We weren't really sure where we were going or how long it would take to get there, but we just kept following and following...and following. We left from Bloomington and then just kept driving and driving and driving, and driving, on the longest straightest most unchanging road in existence. It was like the first 15 minutes of 'Manos the Hands of Fate'. After we had already circumnavigated the globe for the third time I decided to put on the cruise control and hop into the backseat, take a nap and do some homework. When I woke up we were in outer space. It was like being on the moon. There was no sound whatsoever, nothing but flat open land for miles and you could see every star in the sky. I went out and sat on the enormous lawn just listening to nothing except the occasional wolf or coyote cry in the distance and the sound of blood rushing past my eardrums. I started to get dizzy, vertigo I think, it happens whenever I'm in a geographical location that lacks visible landmarks. Without a point of reference I feel like I'm about to go flying off the earth, whisked into the vacuum of space.
To add to the creepiness, the house looked like the one from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, minus the clotheslines with sheets drying in the front yard. Well, Luke and I were bored out of our minds so we decided to try and drive home which we already knew was going to be disastrous and I was low on gas and didn't have time to search for the right way to go. When you're going back whence ye came, your minds starts playing tricks on you. Or maybe we were in hell and the landscape actually warped causing previous landmarks to disappear. Either way, we were freaking out, "It's over dude!" Luke would say to me every five minutes. And he was right, but I kept driving anyway, my blood pressure was rising, I was speaking in toungues and the road just kept looking more and more unfamiliar. After we tried going left, then right, then straight, then backwards, we just went back to the haunted house and stayed the night. The trip back this morning wasn't trouble free either, but we got back, eventually. The moral of this story is this, don't live IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN NOWHERE!!!!!!The other moral is this, don't INVITE PEOPLE TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE IF YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN NOWHERE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaGHGGHGH!!!mmmm aaah. I'm fine now. Ah, eh he he. Luke said "dude, we're gonna be laughing about this tomorrow"...mmmm...No. We're not. Do you think that people during wartime say that to each other? No. And this experience was far more traumatizing than any war.
Tagline: Two of them are Jews, all of them confused, and this summer; they don't know from dinosaurs.
Jeff Goldblum..................................Ian Malcolm*
Owen Wilson....................................Richard Levine*
Woody Allen.....................................Donald Genarro*
Samuel L. Jackson............................John Arnold*
Jack Black.........................................John Hammond*
Jonah Hill.........................................R.B. "Arby" Benton
Parker Posey.....................................Kelly Curtis
Will Ferrell........................................Lewis Dodgson*
Keanu Reeves...................................Henry Wu*
*rumors of deaths in film and or book were greatly exaggerated.
Music by Tangerine Dream and David Bowie
Synopsis: After having his life endangered twice by John Hammond in JP and TLW, Ian Malcolm tricks him into going on a vacation to Costa Rica. Little does John know that Malcolm is actually taking him back to Isla Nublar where he plans on feeding the old man to the dinosaurs. However, upon their arrival they discover that two random children, a snobby rich paleontologist, and his girlfriend have stowed away in their carry-on luggage. For good measure they bring along Genarro (the greasy lawyer) to pay settlements to the half eaten ghosts of the island's diceased former employees. Meanwhile, Ingen-rival Lewis Dodgson follows the group to the island incognito, unaware that they have led him to the source of the coveted dino dna. Bringing along his group of stow-awayed scientists Dodgson brews up a new batch of prehistoric beasts that he can't control.
Levine (Owen Wilson): "John, I mean c'mon, what's up with this place? There were like these dinosaurs...came outta nowhere, they were trying to eat us or somethin', I'm just sitting there trying to enjoy my whopper jr and...there they are! Not a great experience amigo"
Genarr0 (Woody Allen): "um, *cough* the last time I saw a creature that vicious was when my mother-in-law *clears throat* excuse me, was still living"
Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum): Uh! John...no, and, uh, no. Uh...this, this is how it begins. Ooh, aah, just like before, but... now there's running and...screaming and... touching, always touching. There are, ah, too many dinosaurs on this dinosaur tour."
Wu (Keanu Reeves): "My dearest Mina, the count has requested that I remain a guest at his dinosaur park for yet another three months, do pray I send my love, and my most excellent English accent..."
Dodgson (Will Ferrell): "I'm going to steal all of your dinosaur eggs, John Hammond, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I'm going to put them into this bag and keep them all for myself and raise them as my own children."
Halleejaliaulala. Another semester of Heartland finished. One semester closer to escaping it's evil clutches. Why am I not done with Heartland yet? Because I wasn't wise enough to take the "College Success" class which would have prepared me for the trials of community college and which would have fulfilled one of the three electives I still need to take. Actually it's only a one credit hour class that foreign students and people trying to get their GED take.
This time of year is always interesting because most of my classes are wrapping up and the teachers stop teaching us anything new. It’s the “waiting for finals” days, which are aweful because you're not doing anything in class but you still have to wait until the next week to take your final.
I also gave my last speech today, and I'm REALLY glad that‘s finally over. I'm completely done with the world famous HCC english program. Yeah, that's right, Hooray.
The speech I gave was about how to write a song. I was worried about it all week because a) I haven't written a good song ever and b) because most people really DON'T want to write songs and yet in one part of the speech I say "I hear people say all the time 'we should write a song' but never do because they just don't know how!"
That's a total lie. No one wants to write song's, no one has time for it. And most people who try probably shouldn't, because they're talentless, there, I said it, ouch, burn.
I got a 44/50 on it which is fine with me, but the girl who went before me got the same score and all she did was talk extemporaneously about her mailroom job at country companies, so for 5 minutes we listened to her *&#$@ about how miserable it is. It makes me feel a little bit bad, I mean, either the teacher thought her rant about mailroom duties was exciting or she no frickin idea what I was talking about...which is understandable, because I had no idea what I was talking about. Eh.
Last night I was sitting on the couch watching a movie and was waiting for something to download on the computer. I noticed it was finished and then got unusually excited and hopped over the couch, which is odd because I never do that. I had my left arm on the back part and started to hop over. On my way over the couch I guess I didn’t jump high enough because I smashed my left foot straight into the hard back portion of the couch. I then went limp on the floor trying not to cry and thought for sure my toes were broken because I couldn't feel anything. Then the intense pain started to kick in which was a relief because I figured then they weren't broken. Anyway there’s no real point to this story, just don't hop over anything.
Sorry for the lack of excitement on this site lately, there just isn’t anything going on right now and my brain is drained. In the ye olden days of my geocities and freeservers sites this is about the time I would just quit doing the site. But I’m never going to quit here, the easy to use format of blogger keeps me from getting too burnt out. Hopefully the creative juices will start flowing again and this site will have some value and not just be my lame "what I did today" journal.
Til next time, ariva dache!
The Dave Matthews Band has finally released their first album of new material since Everyday. To many DMB fans the release of Everyday was the apocalypse, "Why do they hate us!? Why is Glenn Ballard the devil!? Crucify him!” etc. After three perfect albums they weren’t allowed to make any mistakes. The shock was understandable but a few years later the general consensus of that album has gone from “the ultimate blasphemy” to “pretty good”. There are still a few obvious low points on Everyday (Mother Father, I Did It) but not nearly as many as there used to be, for most people at least.
Everyday was a weak departure and Busted Stuff's production was stale and lifeless, so most fans as of last fall were expecting the band to try and re-create Before These Crowded Streets or something of a similar nature. Even I was expecting the band to try and win back former and waning fans by playing it safe, going with the proven formula. They seem to feel as if taking risks in their respective creative field is the only way to keep things fresh and progressive. I can understand that and can at least respect them in that regard...whether it actually works or not, or whether people like it or not. It’s what the band has done and finds necessary to carry on.
This new album delivers, by far, the slickest package to date and attempts to capture a certain playfulness the band has only previously hinted at. Encapsulated by the heavy-handed production of Mark Batson this desired to break free into a new realm is very apparent throughout this entire album...apparently crappy. What Batson manages to do is add generic pop/hip hop flare to nearly everything even if it doesn't deserve or need it, like they're trying to trick us into having fun...it's got a beat, dance! We don't actually have any songs written but why not lay some assorted, improvised parts over this phat beat.
Overall it comes across like a 90 year old man trying to get jiggy with it on the dance floor at his grand daughter's wedding reception. And that be the problem, ya can't expect the old man ta dance...and you can't expect even a great producer to be able to do anything with mediocre songwriting. Sorry Dave.
Dream girl - This is a cute-little-light-and-fluffy tune with a precious guitar riff. Enjoy those first ten seconds because they're the best part of the album. What I want is a whole album of just Dave doing his best "Peter Gabriel sings the Lion King Soundtrack". I’m sure the teenybopper fans who flock to Tinley Park will eat this up. 5.5/10
Stand Up - 70’s Funk-o-crap-o-riffic, nice groove on this one...Carter is good at drums but not even he can carry this song which gets old after about a minute. Dear Dave, Styx wants the verse to “Come Sail Away” back. 6.5/10
American Baby Intro - Nice, but too short. A sort of "collage" starting off with a slow piano piece that goes into the sounds of gunfire followed by a piano based, upbeat portion. The transition from jam to quiet again is a little strange though and doesn't quite work. The song starts to get interesting but then goes right back into the quiet piano piece without any real transition. It’s supposed to give the image of depressing wartime Bush attrocities but the editing of the two pieces together is too awkward. 7/10
American Baby - Ok, not DMB’s worst single ever...and sadly one of the better songs on the album. The section at the end is fun. 7.5/10
Smooth Rider - A very simple, beat driven, bluesey song, not much to it. It Doesn't really go anywhere and doesn't have time to. You pretty much forget that it exists right after it's over. 3/10
Old Dirt Hill - Phat beat, yo. I like when he sings about riding his bike. "Can't catch me, can't catch me". I picture a kid running out of a short bus wearing a helmet. Like a lot of the songs on this album it has potential for about a minute and then gets really repetitive. 5.9/10
Everybody Wake Up - One of the more "classic dmb" sounding songs on Stand Up it starts out with a Before These Crowded Streets-ish stings intro that unfortunately leads into one of the many generic drum beats that Carter decided to use for this album. 6.7/10
Out of My Hands - It's dark and it's got piano, it's like a Tori Amos d-side. 6/10
Hello Again - This is the most structurally sound and well written song on the album, and is the only one that fans can peg as the "classic dmb" we all know and love...except for the pointless abrupt ending (When the World Ends just wasn't enough! They came back for more!) Good song though. Almost too good to be on this album. 8.5/10
Louisiana Bayou - "Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet emoooooooooo-shuuuuuuun" Raffi goes country and then rips off Aerosmith while impersonating Arrested Development. It's good live if that makes any difference. 8/10
Stolen Away on 55th and 3rd - The only comfortable song on the album, Stolen Away manages not to scream "trying to hard" and rests on it's simple smooth jazz arrangement to get the point across. The “less is more” philosophy is prominent throughout this album, mostly to unnavail, but here the band actually succeeds in simplicity...which they're too impatient to carry out in full. 8/10
You Might Die Trying - I’m still not quite sure what this is. It’s a heavy combo of rock and hip hop sort of in the vein of “The Stone“ and "Too High". Not bad, bug not great. It's a song that would be awesome in bizarro world. 6.9/10
Steady as We Go - I guess Smooth Rider needed some competition for the worst song ever. Dave channels 1973 drugged up Elton John and asks him to write a song for the band. Bad lyrics, no emotion, but at least it ends. Good work, Dave. You wrote a song for the piano. 1/10
Hunger for the Great Light - Pretty rockin‘, but generic as sin. I hated it the first time I heard it and I still hate it. The mix leaves everything to be desired. It needs to be dialed up to 11. It needs three bases and a truckload of "oomph". If it were loud it would at least drown out the bad songwriting. 3.9/10
Problems with the album - Much of this album suffers from sub-par lyrics. There’s basically nothing that’s lyrically catchy anywhere on the album. Besides the obvious lyrics there won’t be a lot of crowd sing-alongs with this one, which might be a good thing. Another problem, but one that’s unavoidable is the decline of Dave’s voice, which has been getting worse over the past couple years. Though he can’t control how good his voice feels he could still put some more emotion into his performances which are pretty mediocre on this album. And the final problem that pretty much kills this album is the repetitious nature of most of the songs and lack of musical flow. A lot of these songs desperately need an interlude, breakdown, bridge...something.
The song order and structure is also a problem. To me this record almost comes across as a failed or abandoned attempt at a concept album. There are little bits of string arrangements which create a common thread of sorts and there are sound effects and lyrical themes but when trying to create a concept album of any kind you have to go all or nothing, otherwise it creates a jumbled mess leaving the overall "message" incomplete. It's possible a "concept" never crossed their minds, sure, there's still a failure to weave a coherent and appealing musical pattern into the list of songs.
Stand Up - 6 out of 10 bomb's of love.
Busted Stuff - 7.5
Everyday - 7.7
Before These Crowded Streets - 10
Crash - 8.5
Under The Table and Dreaming - 9
YyyyyEEEEAASsss!!! I woke up at the crack of 10 today and headed over to the Palace theater to buy me some advanced tickets for Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith! It seriously seems like yesterday when I was buying the tickets for episode I. I sat out in the long line next to the theater in the baking sun for over two hours, watching nerds play Star Wars CCG and have lightsaber battles. I also remember sitting there thinking about what episode III would be like and how old I'd be when it came out...19!? Wow! That's old! I'll be like married by then or something!
Yeah, well, it's here now and I can't believe it. I really believe this final installment of the trilogy is going to deliver big time. I've also decided on my costume for opening night, I'm going as George Lucas. I need to gain a few lbs and grow my beard out but other than that I just need blue jeans and a flannel shirt and a pouty face, "aarrererrrrgh, star wars is my burdennnnn, god kill me pleeeease".
I also saw 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' today. I'm going to start off my review with my rating...I give it a 7.432222/10 Annoying Androids. Yeah, not bad, not great, EH!
There were some great moments in the movie, the visuals were pretty unique and so were most of the characters, but there are just too many basic problems.
1. There's no "mcGuffin". There really isn't any strong motivation or ultimate goal that is trying to be reached in the film, there's no sense of urgency to achieve anything which is a real problem because it leaves the movie feeling empty, robbing it of excitement.
2. The humor falls pretty flat most of the time. I really like the BBC show "The Office", so the British humor was not the problem at all. There wasn't any stupid humor that makes you cringe either. It just seems like the writers didn't try very hard to write good jokes.
3. Marvin the Paranoid Android gets old really fast. I think there's only so many times he can say "no one listens to me anyway" or "what's the point" before the audience says "HEARD IT". I pretty sure Alan Rickman was in the studio for a total of five minutes and recorded maybe three lines, which were reused throughout the film.
4. Mos Def is the poor man's Orlando Jones. Mos Def is pretty good in other roles, but for this movie, practically the entire time I kept picturing how much better Orlando Jones could have delivered the lines. I make the comparison because Def acts so similar to Jones in this movie, I'm not sure what the deal is.
5. The sound fx were almost non existent in this movie. I guess it's something you take for granted but you really miss them when they're gone. I'd just like to stop now and thank Ben Burt for his outstanding work on the Star Wars movie's sound. SPACE MOVIES NEED ENVIRONMENTAL AMBIANCE SOUND, 'hitchhikers' was like watching a cartoon almost.
anyway, I know I bashed this quite a bit, but really if you like something different, I recommend seeing it. But for most of you, just wait til it's out on video.
And now for my worst post ever...
"a man that dresses like a bat clearly has issues" - Bruce Wayne
"can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat, get's all of my press? This town needs an enema!" - The Joker
YEeeessssssss, the newest and final Batman Begins trailer is now online and I couldn't be more excited. I LOVE BATMAN. It's dark, it's action packed, it has great actors...AJDF)J)ROE)$(T!@(#$3-92!!!!Lf.
My forcast for this movie?
8 billion opening weekend. Seriously.
It's so beautiful.
Christian Bale is just too cool for school. AAaaaaaaaaaaaagh!! I'm going to scream like a Beatles' groupie when it appears on screen opening night. I'll go dressed in Ward Burton Robin gear, I've been waiting so long for another Batman and it seems like an eternity since that summer so long ago when Batman and Robin profaned the name of Batman on the big screen, even though I'll admit I saw it five times.
"TONIGHT, Hellll freezes ova, KILL DA BAT AND DA BIIIIRD!!!"
I was a wee child when the last great movie (Batman 89 of course) came out. But now he's back and in perfect form. MWAAHAHAhahahah yeeeeeeeyeyeyessss!!
and also, Star Wars Episode III is looking very very good. Yeah yeah, I know, the first two sucked, so will this one...NO!!!!!!, it's going to be awesome. GET YOUR HOPES UP NOW!!! My brain is going TO EXPLOOODE!!!!
I was mowing my grandparent's lawn today and I saw a squirrel crossing the road out of the corner of my eye. I noticed it was carrying something large. My car was parked by the sidewalk and the squirrel had run underneath, so I stood for a bit waiting for it to come out, eventually it did and started lightly prancing toward the tree. I still couldn’t figure out what in the world it was carrying in it’s mouth, I thought maybe it was a huge acorn, then I thought maybe it was some new carnivorous species of squirrel. Holy crap, it’s dragging the dead carcass up the tree!!! So I start chasing after it, it stares back at me, I look a little closer and notice a baby squirrel is holding onto it’s mother’s neck riding on her underside! I didn’t even know squirrels did that. I thought only monkeys babies road on their parents. Apparently I'mm wrong. It's just I’ve certainly never seen that before, ever. Anyway, it was cute, a little too cute.
On a more depressing note. Last night I downloaded the “Zapruder” Kennedy Assassination footage. I had seen it once before on a documentary, but it's just as bad every time you see it, it's so eerie. It’s easily one of the most horrific things ever caught on film. The footage I found starts just after the first shot which goes through his neck I think and then hits Govenor Connally. Kennedy holds his neck and motions and if he’s coughing, then a few frames of footage pass and bam, the second deadly shot, the images are really terrifying. I always find it ironic how after he was shot the first time, he should have slumped forward, but was wearing a brace because of back problems, which kept him upright for the second shot. Unbelieveable.
And also, congratulations to me, hooray, a thousand posts! Or something close to that.
Well I learned one thing so far this semester at CHC. I just found out that sleeping is overrated. My resident assistant and I decided that last night would be the perfect night not to sleep or even close our eyes for a second. How this came about, I have no idea but let me just say one thing. It was amazing. Today I came to realize that humans do not need sleep if sufficiently drowned in caffeine. It was a fun filled night of nothing. I'd say about four hours of the night were devoted to listening to music nonstop while my ra wrote a frickin paper. Other than that I would roam the halls of north dorm as quiet as a mouse. As the early morning hours came about, I sat waiting at the end of the hall for the first groggy student to come out of his room. Well, no one ever came out. Yes, disappointing a little bit but I eased my pain with some late night MTV. And yep Mr. Dave was playing "American Baby." After that, I noticed it was 7:00 AM, had a class at 8, decided to take a shower. Where the rest of this story goes, I dont know. Only the day ahead of me will be able to tell. For now , I am looking on the bright side and will probably go to bed early tonight.
Random Star Wars thoughts from Clint...
I didn't really look to see who directed the Clone Wars cartoon but it would seem like it would have been cool to have someone outside the realm of Star Wars movies to direct them. For instance, David Fincher who was a cameraman on Return of the Jedi but now is a big time director. Or perhaps someone experienced with Japanese Anime. One thing I enjoy so much about Japanese Anime is the seizures. I can tell you honestly that Clone Wars didn't give me one seizure.
And another question that I have for George Lucas is that I want to know if there are any dance clubs in his universe. I've seen the crazy Ewoks dance and I've seen all of the fun that can be had at Jabba's place but come on there's got to be some place in the universe where a guy can get away from his droids, listen to some music, become entranced by the strobe light, and just let the force take over his body.
For several years now Towanda (in the hizzouse) has been under the subjection of the town of Hudson and their one police officer. He's been parked at the four way stop next to the gas station for years now. Thank you, thank you so much, without your presence the intersection would erupt into mass chaos and no one would ever come to a complete stop! It would become the epicenter of drug dealing and prostitution in Mclean county!
Yeah, no. GO BACK TO HUDSON!!! We can govern ourselves. FREEEEEEDOOOOMMMM!!!
To Mr. Bronze 5-0, In case you happen to read my site...you know who you are, leave us alone. Tommorow we're going down to the corner and making a citizens arrest (aka riot). See you then.
And then after that, I'm declaring myself the new Towanda cop and will then subject Hudson to TOWANDA RULE!! Sweet, sweet irony.
But seriously, there's gotta be some law or etiquette or something that determines how long an officer can remain in one place, it's like profiling or something, or being in Jerusalem and having armed guards at the freakin Fast Stop gas station.
Paul McCartney: "I saw them perform at my cousin's wedding in south Liverpool, they called themselves 'The Plum Eaters'. They had potential and they did Beatles' covers fairly well, they all had nice hair too, which was a bonus I'd say. So after the reception festivities I introduced myself to them, gave a few autographs, took a few photos, then I asked if they'd like to be rich and famous and of course they agreed, but I told them the name had to go, and they agreed."
And it was then in 1968, after a few hours of brainstorming, 'The Beatmongers' were born, then 'Beatstreet' was born, then 'Der Baitals', then 'The Baddles', then 'Baden Schlanger', THEN finally, they went next door to the movies and watched Goldfinger, so then 'Goldfinger' was born, then 'Beetfinger', but then FINALLY: 'Badfinger' was born.
McCartney: "Badfinger and I were in the studio for seven months and recorded maybe a handful of songs. Three members of the band quit during the course of recording and Peter Ham had the attention span of a two year old, so we could never actually get through a song. I was going to kill someone, it was just a matter of time."
McCartney eventually decided to bring in the production talent of George Harrison and Ringo Starr. Together with McCartney, they produced Badfinger's first hit "Come and Get it".
George Harrison: "We went out for a bite at a nearby pub, got a little sloshed and then wrote a few new songs. Paul went off to the gentlemen's room to relax, wrote a few more songs, came back and played them, and one of them happened to be 'Come and Get it'."
Ringo Starr: "When we got back to the studio George played the new song for us, we liked it, but then Paul and I realized that we had already heard it before and had recorded it ages ago for a 1963 album we never used called 'Beatles on Parade'."
Paul: "We had Ringo rummage through the storage closet until he found the old recording, we dusted it off and gave it a listen, there was nothing wrong with it so we just used it as a model for Badfinger to follow. They played along with our recording and then we mixed the two performances together."
George: "Then we took their recording and turned the volume to something slightly above zero."
The song would be a huge success for Badfinger who would go on to record, tour, breakup and repeat the cycle for another twenty years.
John Lennon: "I think Paul was living the life a failed musician through the failure of Badfinger, I think he just wanted to see what it was like to have people hate him, and people did hate him, for unleashing Badfinger on the world."
oy vey, I was searching Google and came across this article, it's old but worth the read... I've inserted comments, which are in orange lettering...apparently, Patch the Pirate's new material is too hardcore for his mainstream audience.
from http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/becarefulabout.htm
"BE CAREFUL ABOUT NEWER PATCH THE PIRATE TAPES" June 14, 2000 -- While most of the music produced by Majesty Music of Greenville, South Carolina (headed up by Ron and Shelly Hamilton), is excellent, we must warn that some of the newer recordings are moving in a contemporary direction. This is particularly true of the newer Patch the Pirate children’s tapes.
"The Mount Zion Marathon" tape for example, has a song titled "Lazy Bones," which is certainly akin to rock music. It uses a syncopated rhythm with a heavy, synthesized bass Synth bass?! ROCKIN!. The music would be right at home in a nightclub or a sleazy Broadway play and could easily conjure up such unwholesome images as that of a saucy woman sauntering across a stage. Well, now that you mention it, the lyrics "get up and serve the Lord" are rather 'saucy'! Yowzaaa! But I'm still skeptical, I need more examples, conjure me up some more images please! "Weaaeell, the song could make one think of scantily clad co-eds on the beaches of Cancun during spring break and...yeah that's enough. Though it is tame compared to much of the standard CCM fare today, Patch the Pirate’s "Lazy Bones" will help develop an appetite in children for worldly music and sleaze Other examples of this can be found on their new tapes.
Some will doubtless protest that I have no right to judge Majesty Music by my own opinion of what is or is not worldly, that they themselves see absolutely nothing wrong with the new Patch tapes. I readily admit that there is much that is subjective about music, BINGO! and that it is sometimes difficult to nail down precisely what is and is not wholesome. This being the case, isn’t the wisest approach to avoid all appearance of evil, to be certain that we offend in nothing? Instead of taking this wise path of avoiding every semblance of worldliness and maintaining only the most unquestionable standard for music, though, Majesty Music is pushing the musical boundaries for the fundamentalist and Bible-believing Baptist churches that use the Patch tapes, subtly and gradually moving them into the CCM sphere.
Books published by Ron Hamilton’s father-in-law, Frank Garlock, plainly condemn the use of worldly music to serve a holy God. Dr. Garlock observes: "It is absurd to think that one can unite Christian lyrics with the medium of the world (rock music) and expect the meaning and communication to remain the same" (Music in the Balance, 1992, p. 31). Yet this is exactly what Patch the Pirate is doing with songs such as "Lazy Bones." Dr. Garlock says it is absolutely untrue to claim that music is simply a matter of personal taste (p. 7). He carefully describes the characteristics of worldly music. He defines rock music by its rhythm and quotes British sociologist Simon Frith, "The sexuality of music is usually referred to in terms of its rhythm--it is the beat that commands a directly physical response." That is why rock music is so incredibly popular. It literally feels good; it affects people on a sensual level. And let us be reminded that rock music is not defined by how fast the rhythm moves. Rock music comes in a wide variety of speeds, but the slow or soft rock of "Lazy Bones" is just as much rock music as the soft rock of many of the Beatles tunes. Cue record burning
Consider the following warning by Dr. H.T. Spence, president of Foundations Bible College & Seminary. Dr. Spence is a fundamentalist historian and teacher who has taught music, history, and theology for 25 years. He received part of his music training at Bob Jones University: "The simple, soft music of Patch the Pirate Goes in Space has mutated into an eclectic fashion of contemporary sounds in The Misterslippi River Race (the first of the recordings which caused much alarm from many Fundamentalists) ... the next recording in the series, The Calliope Capers, literally increased the eclectic approach to the music, with just about every song written in a different style of contemporary music" at least there's no rap (Dr. H.T. Spence, Confronting Contemporary).
Don Jasmin, editor of the Fundamentalist Digest, adds this warning: "The Fundamentalist Digest editor firmly believes that children who become ‘addicted’ to ‘Patch’s’ music could develop a light frivolous approach to Holy Scripture and sacred Biblical truth. This does not mean that he believes Bible truth must be presented in a boring and dull manner! He believes that the strategy of Bill Mason and the Children’s Bible Clubs in Greenville, SC, is vastly superior in both its Scriptural teaching approach and musical methodology to that of Ron Hamilton and the ‘Patch the Pirate’ clubs" (Don Jasmin, Fundamentalist Digest).
Interesting. The song "Lazy Bones" is actually inspired by Native American music.
Anyheeewwww. These kind of arguments always make me wonder...1) do they condemn African and other various converted tribes who worship God by rhythm and beat driven music?
and 2) THE ONLY way rhythmic music "conjures" up "saucy" or "racy" or "scandalous" images is if someone WANTS us to see it (I.E. rap videos) or HAS TO REMIND OF THE FACT (I.E. THIS ARTICLE)
But really, stuff like this inspires me by how trivial it is and how there's a world full of people who need our help.
