Here are some truly exciting photos from my recent vacation with the parents down in overcast Florida. It was a good time, lots of eating, lots of sleeping. Now sit back and share in my exitement as I share with you just a small taste of the expansive photo record of the many beach dwelling species of Florida bird...
here I is, enjoying "downtown" Disney with the great emancipator himself: Abraham Lincoln, who (apparently) is too cool for New Salem.
The amazing 'brown dancing bird', I wanted to capture one but I just didn't have the heart to cage him and and make him dance for my pleasure, hours on end until his tiny bird legs collapse.
I call this one "I'm about to kick the bird into the ocean"
Aaawww, more peaceful birds! Ca-caw! Ca-Caw! TOOKIE TOOKIE!!!!!!
Oh CRAP. RUN.
Here's my favorite, it's very impressionisticly depressing.
The fabulous OUTRIGGER beach resort! Home of suburban swingers for over fifty years!
Our hotel room, recently and surperbly cleaned by one of the many Dominicanos.
^Enlarged for your desktop wallpapering pleasure. 
This was about as sunny as it got...but then I remembered how FREAKING COLD it is here, and I was fine.
These birds were planning their break in for later that night. They were positive little timmy had more french fries.
It's so cute, they think I don't know what they're up to.
Very national-geographic-ish.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for your bonus pleasure...Another LIST!!!
According to Clint, there was no "pop" music in the 90's, so this is the Top 15 'Best Songs Constantly Played on the Radio During the 90's' list...
1. One - U2 (1991)
2. Get What You Give - New Radicals (1998)
3. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve (1997)
4. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
5. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins (1995)
6. Wonderwall - Oasis (1995)
7. Kiss From a Rose - Seal (1994)
8. I Don't Wanna Wait - Paula Cole (1996)9. Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn (1991)
10. Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers (1991)11. Desert Rose - Sting (1999)12. Ironic - Alanis Morissette (1995)
13. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band (1996)
14. Ray of Light - Madonna (1998)15. No Rain - Blind Melon (1992)
Aaaand that's it. If you want me to explain my choices, just send cash or check for $25.00 payable to whosinthenews and you will recieve a nifty two page booklet in 2-8 weeks. Goodnight kids.
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Just got back from Florida and have plenty of stuff to write about, BUT, when I got home today I noticed that my computer suddenly decided not to boot anymore, I guess the hardrive is dead, or something.
UPDATE
mmm aye, it'll probably be a while till I post anything, my computer needs a good kicking...something or other, but it's broke and I don't like using this computer, so, I might be back in a week or so.
I'll just give a VERY quick little review of King Kong and Chronicles of Narnia here...
Both of these holiday season blockbusters have quite a bit in common; they both have sub-par, cartoonish CGI and they both go nowhere fast. Yeah, this is my super trite, cranky review but I just didn't like these movies. I'm not sure what it is but I just wasn't in the mood for these films that came across as really rushed and substanceless. It was like watching someone play a videogame for 3 hours. The Chronicles of Narnia...uuuuh, first of all I was not expecting another Lord of the Rings, so that's not the problem...The problem is that this film is just a total snooze fest, and not an artsy, deep and relaxing Fellowship of the Ring snoozefest. I honestly couldn't have cared any less about the characters or what was even going on; the battle was lame, the characters were forgettable and the CGI was bad. Overall it's not a terrible film, but definitely not good, it's just...forgettable, a lot like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and in my opinion there's nothing worse than an average, vanilla movie. At least really crappy movies (Batman and Robin) still get talked about, evoking some emotion...even if it is mostly hatred.
And that's all it is, a very disappointing, meh. And the best part is that it will probably make enough money to warrant the making of the other three relavent books, "Last Battle" and the other one I can't remember, BUT fortunately no one forces me to go the theater!
King Kong on the other hand isn't nearly as mediocre. It at least had some action to keep things rolling and was able to keep my attention until just before they capture Kong and bring him back to New York. After that it seems to just flop to the end. In the last 45 or so minutes we get more "love" scenes between Naomi Watts and Kong that simply repeat the same thing that was shown in about five other scenes earlier in the film. And there's almost no resolution or learned lesson except for Jack Black's brilliantly delivered line "it was beauty that killed the beast" ...mmm great, sooooo, and? I'll admit that Peter Jackson really fleshed out an otherwise one dimensional story about a Monkey, yes, there are underlying themes and messages about greed and understanding "monsters", but the movie is just too 'busy' for any of those things to truly work or sink in. I felt like I was like watching the Temple of Doom but with a deep "profound" message trying desperately to work to the surface, but it never does and we end up with a slightly fancier version of Congo.
Yeah, sorry for the crankiness tonight. Are they worth seeing? Sure, wait for video though. They'll make nice teusday night popcorn rentals, but start it before 8 pm because they're both unecessarily long.
Chronicles of Narnia - 7.47/10 turkish delights
King Kong - 7.9311/10 Naomi Watts
Ah, Collective Soul, so wise, so true, it is December already and so I feel obliged to post something worthy of their genius, but my brain is completely numb after having just finished a six page paper about ‘how Tim Burton films teach us lessons about how to treat weird people’. I can honestly say I’ve never been so uninspired in my life, sure I love Burton and enjoyed doing the research but I just couldn’t muster up even the tiniest bit of motivation. I focused my thoughts as hard as I could but the wheel inside my brain was just barely screeching along, uuuaagh, c'mon, THINK!!! I laid on the floor and stared at the computer screen, as the hours ticked by, as no thoughts entered my vacant mind. Easily the worst case of writers block I've ever had. But, fortunately for me I went into a bizarre, caffeine induced creative streak...I just kept typing and typing as the sugar rushed through my veins, speaking to me wisdoms and notions of things unseen...until I had six pages worth of lofty sounding words and concepts. I'm not sure if it makes any sense or if it's just total gobbledygook BS...but I think I accomplished most the goals of the paper, for the most part…I hope.
I downloaded this today, Google Earth. This program is a-ma-zing, you can zoom in and out, tilt and pan, wherever, anywhere over the globe. However, some places have clearer satellite photos than others, like TOWANDAAA! If you can figure out these ridiculous coordinates then you might have the once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing my hidden rebel base..."pointer - 40,34,57.63 N 88,52,26.86 W elevation - 768 ft"...right there, 
the house shaped like an M...see, I'm in the driveway...giving you the christian finger. Anyway, this thing is awesome, it makes the world seem so small (I've finally discovered what the elusive country of Portugal looks like), but at the same time so much larger and kind of lonely; here we are, this tiny globe sitting somewhere in infinite space...here I am, out of all the places in the world I could be, in central Illinois...strange...it also makes me sad that the all I've seen of it (outside of the states) is Tijuana, which barely even counts. I want to see the great pyramids!
and I want to taste the delicious burritos in el Ciudad de Panama!
Anyway, Another thing I noticed is that when you look at a regular flat map like you see in books, the oceans look fairly "small", well, a lot less than the 70% of the earth's surface, or whatever it is. But on a realistic looking globe, zooming in and out with the power of Google, you see just how truly enormous they are. I used to wonder why more Cubans don't just swim to the Florida keys...now I know. And Australia...gah! Soooo unbelieveably faaar awaay, sdjfskdfmAB!! It reaffirms my belief that it's just a gigantic Arizona, out there all alone in the middle of the ocean, not a care in the world. And just think if you lived in Perth, you're on the far side of the island, thousands and thousands of miles from the side that has the only four good cities in the entire chunk of land>
>see this beautiful port city? Well it's facing directly west and absolutely NOTHING for a gagillion miles in that direction, but east...LOOK! a crater! and no one even noticed, except the dinosaurs.
Eh, nevermind, I've got a book comin' out sometime that will explain my theories. One day I'm going to visit the Aussies and ask them if what it feels like to live completely separated from the troubles of the world...hmm. It's like heaven, except boring and liberal.
yes, well, my leg hurts, I'm going to go have a tortilla. Goodnight all you lovers in the world.
I'm thankful for many things; comfy pillows, electric blankets, my health, family, friends (sometimes), the entertainment industry, tropical climates, mexican food, velcro shoes etc etc...But this year I'm most thankful for seeing a metal rod fly through a car window and then through Paris Hilton's head. Yes, I spent a nonrefundable part of my thankgiving day watching the fantastic remake of "House of Wax". One of the many horror classics of the past two years which features American Eagle models finding hidden dangers and fright in any and everything. "That guy was here yesterday! Aaagh!"..."They didn't give me the correct change!! Heeelllp!!!"..."It's a guy with a southern accent! RUN!!!"..."It's a JEW!!! RUUUUN!".
What else is goin on...I just realized that I need to start working on a paper for one of my classes, I have plenty of time but it's one those topics that requires you to put lots of ambiguous terms into action. It's about the social/cultural impact a certain genre of film has.
...well, I have to go finish "Syberia", an adventure game I got in the walmart bargain section. It's a few years old, not the best adventure game I've ever played but it's definitely worth the few bucks. Except, it's got this wierd 'sideplot' I guess you could call it, where the main character Kate Walker answers her cell phone at random times and engages in long winded conversations with; her boss, mother, friend and EXTREMELY annoying fiance'. At first I was like, this sucks, what the crap is this? But after a while a tapestry of comic gold unfolds, her boyfriend is easily the most absurd character I've ever encountered in a videogame. I can't describe it, he is so overthetoply clingy and dependent, you just gotta see it for yourself. After a while I was wishing the guy was real so I could punch him in the ovaries that he probably has. The other funny thing (but also kind of inspiring) is how almost every non robotic character in the game treats Kate like complete and utter crap, but she always keeps her rosie disposition. And as the story progresses she gets more and more aloof, until at the end she's just screws everything and goes to Syberia. Yes, she's awesome, she mastered the art of tuning out the world without raising your blood pressure to dangerous levels.
Yes, well, Every so often I like to pick up a good PC adventure game, it's just my kind of gaming, very low key and introverted. It's a nice quick way of seeing exotic places that I will never see and one's that don't exist.
Have a good day everybody!
I'm goin' to jail!
Harry Potter returns for yet another year at Hogwarts Academy of devil worship...blah blah blah...After the surprisingly well done and surprisingly dark Prisoner of Azkaban I was fairly excited for the new PG-13 Goblet of Fire, and I wasn't disappointed. In fact I was amazed at how much darker this was, it almost looked like Nightmare Before Christmas and Batman Returns at times. Director Mike Newall does a fabulous job turning Hogwarts into a tangible, believable, truly magical place. The world of Harry Potter in the previous film seemed too busy showing us random computer generated creatures and the clue club adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermione to truly get us involved in Harry's world. This one greatly expands the world of magic by showing us the ministry of magic and students from other schools. Also, the focus shifts almost exclusively to Harry, finally turning him into a hero instead of a confused little boy who has every piece of the puzzle fall into his lap.
Another big plus for GOF is much improved acting, especially from little Danny Radcliff who managed to widen his range beyond a stare of astonishment. I was also pleased by the near of absence of Malfoy and his snooty father played by snooty British actor Jason Isaacs. The absence of their hammed up performances really kept this movie at a nice, "believable" level.
Complaints: The dude whose cell phone rang during the movie, which is annoying enough, but then he answers it and proceeds to have an entire conversation in the packed theater. "Uh yeah dude, I'm at a movie right now, yeah dude, where you at? Sure mang, I'll pick you up afterwords..." to which I proceed to turn my head and yell "shut up", which is followed by several others, to which the guy proceeds to talk even louder to prove his point that no one puts baby in a corner. To this, master of the cell phone, I salute you. Never back down, brah.
As for the movie itself, I wish there could have been more Gary Oldman and Alan Rickman, I love those guys. SPOILER, sorta...I wish there hadn't been yet another professor who ends up being a pawn of "the one who cannot be mentioned" or whatever his name is. Dear JK, you're turning Harry Potter into Scooby Doo. END SPOILER!
...Yes, well, not much else to say other than that I highly recommend this one, an all around good time and an above average film. And for the nice quick Gary Goldman cameo I give this one a 8.743/10 Hermiones
UPDATE Here we go, I found another article from Rolling Stone which also quotes Peter as saying "the odds (of a Genesis reunion) are better now than before, we're going to have the conversation." Weellllll, sounds like the wheels are a turnin', maybe? Wow.
--------------------------------
"Phil Collins Says Genesis Reunion Possible"
Let me just start by saying that this is the most vague news article I've ever seen. Nevertheless, it gives me just enough glimmers of hope to make me want to jump out the window head first (out of sheer joy of course)...
Apparently Phil Collins, who is currently touring the mid east delighting arabs with such classic Disney favorites as "You'll be in my Heart" and "Sussudio", says "I'm open for it."
Holy crap! The interviewer asked him if a Genesis reunion is possible and HE DIDN'T SAY NO!!!! sdfksdhfksdmaaaB!!!!!!!
My current number one goal in life is to see Peter Gabriel in concert. Goal #132 on my list is to see Phil Collins, so what could possibly be better?! NOTHING!!! The only thing that could even come close would be seeing Sting deflate his ego for two seconds and reunite with the Police...
BUT, none of this is even going to happen. BUT, if it does, I will sell every possession I own and be right there in the front row to see Genesis the way they were always meant to be, with Peter. I would however enjoy seeing a few 80's Genesis favorites...and "in the air tonight"...and that Tarzan song.
Anyway, ergo, visa vi, I will be there (if it happens) bowing down at the majesty of art rock at it's artsy finest.
We'll see.
UPDATE 11.27 - ok. I've failed, I just had Hardee's and I'm already regretting it. I had made it 16 days, pretty good. My health didn't improve in any noticeable way, however as the days went by I found myself actually being disgusted by the thought of fast food. I don't know what happened today though, I blacked out for a bit and when I came to I had a sack of Hardee's food. Then I blacked out again and when I woke up I had eaten it. I have no self control. Welp, that's the end of that I guess.
----------------------------------------
I've been inspired!
Hey everybody, I JUST got done watching the documentary "Super Size Me" for the first time and I must say I really enjoyed it. There were a lot more facts, arguments and startling evidence than I expected. Of course I, like most people, already knew that fast food crap is bad you, but I was never too concerned about it, I mean, it's a cheap lunch, it does the trick! I MUST HAVE IT!!! BUT, actually watching what this food was doing to Morgan's body was a lot different. Basically every terrible symptom he goes through is a little too close to how I feel currently living on my diet which consists of at least 50% fast food...
And so, I've decided to go THIRTY DAYS without eating at ANY fast food restaraunt and am also going to stop drinking soda...let the withdrawals begin...
Every few days I'll post to report how it's going, I'm sure this won't be that interesting but I AM sure that I'll feel much better but I think the major point of this is to see whether I can overcome the addiction of soda and fast food.
We'll see.
Goodbye Taco Bell, I still love you.
Five Improvement Tips for Coldplay…
I’ll give Coldplay this much, they’ve successfully warded off the slew of U2 comparisons and become…successful. Are they still like U2? Yes, but at least they have a piano, and a different socio-political agenda. Will they ever be as good as U2? F no. I’m not here to argue that, because the idea is absurd, unless the god of rock and roll suddenly grants them a couple more perfect albums, at least fifteen more hit songs and the ability to finally carve out their own perfectly original musical niche. But the reality is that most bands will never be as successful as U2, so that’s not the point. The point is this; how can Coldplay improve themselves and one day potentially move into the realm of icon status?
Here are three very lame tips I have concocted...
Advice # 3...
Will Champion (lead guitar player) - No one knows who you are. No one knows who anyone else in the band is really, but EVERYONE should at least know you and Chris, the one-two punch. Here’s what you need to do: Lose 35 lbs, you’re much too healthy looking to be a legendary lead guitarist. If you don’t smoke, start. And finally, most importantly, change your name to something memorable, something "rockin". Like, Champ, or The Champ, or The Champion, or just Champion. Wilcham would be cool too. The C-Man would also rock. Make people notice you! You are the rock and roll power, you hold in your hands the tool that makes legends. Push that glory hound Chris out of the way, you deserve to rock.
Advice #2
There’s this idea about the Beatle’s music called “carnival”, which helps explain the success of their music by saying it was “all inclusive”, that it was so eclectic and fun that it reached everyone from kids to adults. Lord knows I’m not comparing, but Coldplay needs to take a cue, start being more, dare I say, less eurotrashy. Yes, I realize their ‘sound’ is supposed to be sparse and moody, but for the purpose of this (becoming an icon) which unfortunately requires American approval, they need lose the ‘attitude’. This can be accomplished fairly easily without changing much. First Chris Martin, you need some caffeine. Start singing like you’re not dead. Next, people love the electric guitar solo, we want solos, we wanna hear it rip, pleeeaaase, let the Champ-man shred on his axe! And lastly, you MUST learn the art of quirkiness, it won’t tarnish your “deep” image, just a song here or there, maybe even just a cover. Something lighthearted will accomplish two things: it will create better contrast on your album, making ‘deep and depressing’ songs sound deeper and more depressing, and will go a long way in making you seem approachable.
Advice #1
Chris, take a step back there, buddy. Learn some faux modesty, all the great front men know this. This is also easily accomplished: I don’t know if they do this or not, because I don’t listen to bootlegs or go to Coldplay shows, but start introducing the band, easy. And the other way to do this is to move your head out of the way and let the world see your band’s pretty faces. Just do some photo shoots where you conspicuously put yourself in the back, making it seem like your band has the forefront, but in reality you’re striking some pose that says, look at me, I am the front man. So it all works out in the end!
Advice #0
Shenanigans! Whether it be trashing the hotel room or conversing comically with the press, act like rock stars. Start a catch phrase, film a concert on top of the White House. Dating Gwyneth Paltrow is not enough, especially since no one likes her.
In conclusion, Coldplay needs to add some cherries to their vanilla ice cream. The End.
as of now, I give Coldplay a very generous 7.978437/10 Clocks.
Well I finally saw one of the three movies out now that I wanted to, Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. The other two being Corpse Bride and Serenity. I've been a big fan of all the W&G movies, especially "The Wrong Trousers" which featured the hilarious evil penguin, so of course I was excited for this new one (even though I only recently knew it was coming out)...
This one has Wallace and his faithful (and probably more intelligent) dog Gromit in the pest control business, protecting their neighbor's prized crops from the rabbits who are growing out of control. So Wallace decides to try and brainwash the rabbits into not liking vegetables, but something goes terribly wrong, thus creating the were-rabbit, who starts terrorizing the neighborhood.
I don't really feel like analyzing this in depth, because I've been writing all night, but I will say that you guys need to go see it, it 's a lot of fun and filled with some great laughs, relying on story driven and subtle humor as opposed to a lot of other animated films whos humor has become very formulaic. It keeps up a good fun pace, has interesting characters and is beautifully done, the visuals are outstanding and deserve a big thumbs up.
So yeah, go see it sometime, or definitely check it out when it's on video.
8.65/10 Cracklin' Toasts.
If there was one thing people loved in the 80's, it was action, American's craved it, they needed it, but all they could do was sit and watch it on the television and in the theater, they couldn't act out their violent tendencies and still avoid jail time. So, when videogames finally reached the mainstream it was a no-brainer...Sure, jumping on the heads of turtles and shooting ducks was an acceptable short term deterent, but people deserved more and the lust for blood was not yet quenched. What they wanted was to kick @$$ on the mean streets of New York city from the safety of their own home and be able to select from 2-3 different characters which accurately represent their inner New Kid On The Block. They wanted to feel what it was like to be accepted into the street fighter sub culture, to see life through the eyes of someone who could beat the crap out of them. They wanted someone to ask them the question: "are you a bad enough dude?" 
And in the vein of all previous sidescrolling button smashers such as Double Dragon, Ninja Turtles, Bad Dudes, Final Fight, River City Ransom, Two Crude Dudes and Streets of Rage, we have one of the less interesting ones; COMBATRIBES. Combat-tribes. Ultimate warriors, vigilantes who solve the worlds problems one beating at a time.
I admit I enjoyed this game enough to not delete it off my computer, because it was either ripped off or developed by the same people who did River City Ransom, a classic NES game where you could punch, kick and throw most anything not tied to the ground. There was a simplicity about the action that made it very smooth and satisfying. But, I lost interest in this game after the introduction story. I mean in most other action games you KNOW what you're fighting for; a woman, the president, to save the city from certain destruction, but here, eh, it's too ambiguous and I'm too impatient to get through enough of it to figure out who the ground zero gang is. I don't even care.
As part of Osama Bin Laden's secret Al-Queida training his operatives would learn various occupations to fit in and terrorize America, some men learned to fly airplanes, some would become businessmen and some became videogame developers, who were responsible for this intro text.
The COMBATRIBES have also learned of another secret organization working for ground zero: "The Red Cross".
LONG PAUSE...
Their powers of deduction; solid...their widows peaks; legendary.
Here's the part of the game where I stopped playing. I hate clowns anyway, but these guys just aren't fighting fair, that purple one nailed me with a bowling pin in the back of the head. Idiot.
Look at me beg for mercy! Those silly clowns are ruthless. Look at em! Choking me and biting my fro.
All this retro action gaming got me to thinking...these types of games have all but disappeared! Yeah, we have Grand Theft Auto, Dead to Rights, that one Jet Li game and Max Payne but it's not the same, there isn't the same glamourizing of the street, surviving on nothing but your fists and your super cool jumpsuit and super cool hairdo, so I plead desperately with Nintendo and Sony and Microsoft, PALLLEEEAAAAASE MAKE THIS INTO A GAME AND OR MOVIE>
THE PTA HAS DISBANDED!!!!The television was on tonight and I happened to overhear some glorious news that, I'm afraid I'm jinxing by writing this but, apparently the Heartland CC teacher's union has voted unanimously to maybe strike in 8-10 days, I guess. And they mean business, they all wore red to signify they're out for blood! I should probably be alarmed at this news, it could potentially prolong my stay at HCC or prevent me from recieving my coveted Associate of Arts, but what can I say? I love a good strike...and I hate all my classes this semester.
Everything is proceeding according to my design, mwahahaha!!!
I got this album a while ago but really didn’t give it the listen it deserved, in my mind I guess I was sort of pouting that they didn’t decide to repeat what they did on their last album "Truth Be Told", so I almost cast aside this gem without giving it a proper chance, which is foolish considering I didn’t like their last album at first listen either or most any of my favorite albums for that matter...Over the past couple weeks the tracks have been playing randomly on my media player and I’ve discovered how layered these songs are, with each listen a new element of music becomes apparent leaving me pleasantly surprised at how fresh this is, and I keep wondering how a band just keeps getting better with age (in my opinion).
Blues Traveler has always been a very polished rhymic/ pseudo-blues band who never really broke away from their established sound at all until the “new era“ of the band, after bassist Bobby Sheehan passed away. Their last album wasn’t a huge change from the norm either but what I enjoy about it is the ‘purpose’ they suddenly seemed to discover, every song seemed carefully crafted, far more than their previous work which seemed to just build upon solos and rhythms and then became repetitious. 'Bastardos' is just as carefully crafted as Truth Be Told, but the band has also moved to the next step; adding innovation and layering. There had always been hints of experimentation in previous BT albums but it was far too safe and after a while it began to simply seem like stuff they were pulling out of their small bag of tricks; adding strange background vocals and other unnatural sounds here and there but never went far enough with them to be captivating.
Another thing that I felt their music lacked was a sense of epicness, I always felt that, especially with their first three albums, the melody and rhythm was always far too tightly compacted and quirky, the songs always often seemed hyper and the performances rushed.
The sound remains the same, this album is very Blues Traveler-ish of course, classic John Popper lyrics and vocals (which are the best they‘ve ever been), jams, harmonica solos…they’ve taken what we know and run it through a filter of excellent production, beautiful layering and surprise.
Bastardos is extremely engaging; there are parts where you expect a verse to simply enter the usual hook, and you wouldn’t have blamed them for it either, some of these songs could have played it safe and maybe been hits, but they insert a slightly off key melody or strange instrument choice that forces you to rewind and play again until you finally “get it”.
Finally, one thing different about Bastardos, that I’m not sure whether I like yet or not; the silliness is missing. I’m not sure how to describe it but in BT albums you usually expect a few songs that have extremely lighthearted, almost novelty, lyrical content that read like lists IE - “All in the Groove”, “Canadian Rose”, “Thinnest of Air”, “Felicia”, “Girl Inside My Head”, “Psycho Joe” etc. There isn’t one of those here, besides MAYBE “Rubberneck”, which is odd considering the album cover. I do enjoy the humor but there’s an air of quality that Bastardos has because of it's absense.
Anyhew, wonderful album, but unfortunately ol’ BT won’t be getting airplay again until they start riding on the wave of Coldplay‘s success or else put out a hip hop album, like one of my other favorite bands has recently done (wink wink). I’d love to see John Popper trying to sing depressing, sparse, lyrics while staring sickly into the camera. Only in bizzaro world. Screw radio play.
I give it 8.43/10 Bastardoses
and my rank of the BT albums...
1. Truth Be Told 2. Four 3. Bastardos 4. Bridge 5. Travelers and Theives 6. Straight on till Morning 7. Blues Traveler 8. Save His Soul
And in other news, there’s another mediocre radio station in town, JACKfm’s spin-off cousin, Bob radio, 97.3. At first I was excited because the station claims to play “everything”, but in playing “everything” it plays nothing. I listen and feel like, what the crap, I should be loving this, they play light semi-pop, relaxed/ acoustiquirky favorites from the early 70‘s through today, but there’s one problem, it’s ridiculously homogenous, there’s no reference points for the songs, so songs you usually love like Queen’s “Somebody to Love” has no “Princes of the Universe” to contrast it. One boring song fades into another without anything to bring up the excitement level by contrast. It’s like listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Animals’ but without the Pink Floyd and the artsyness. And there’s not even a hint of ethnicity on the station, which means that most of my favorite artists will never be played.
And so I add this station to the list of “radio stations that got my hopes up”; the steaming pile 105.7, an adult contemporary station that is nothing more than the WBNQ (local pop hits station) archives and the other, 94.3 the smooth jazz station that has an extremely tiny play list.
In today’s "disturbing" category, I experienced the most awkward situation of my life. I was sitting in math class, listening to the teacher rattle off what seem like stereo instructions, completely lost and worrying whether or not I’ll be able to survive this class (finite math aka the most useless form of math I‘ve ever been forced to take in my life).
The teacher occasionally gets perturbed that we don’t participate more, but we honestly have two valid excuses, it’s early and we don’t have a clue what‘s going on.
So today we’re going over some word problem that happens to have the word ‘vessel’ in it, she pauses for a moment and I could see the think bubble above her head, her hyperanalytical math brain was formulating humor, hold on, wait for it...V = vessel, vessel = nautical word, nautical = pirates, pirates = funny, so apparently she though that V = funny.
I could see it coming from a mile away, so I immediately stared at the floor and clenched up like you do right before a roller coaster takes off…she says “when was the last time you used the word vessel?! (Am I right!? Am I right?!?!) -- she was implying by her facial expression, waiting for the laugh, the thunderous applause, the academy award for best supporting actress in a community college math class…
DEAD PAUSE IN THE ROOM. Not even a cough.
She continues to say something, I think, but I blacked out for a few seconds so I‘m not sure…
*Cricket…
Her golden opportunity quickly turns into our sin...
"there, I see a couple smiles" she winces *sigh "I try..it’s hard sometimes…"
There’s nowhere I can look that isn’t awkward, so I close my eyes.
In the future I will learn to recognize when math humor is on it’s way and muster up whatever fake smile I can manage.
What a day.
Oh and sorry about that word verification thing in the comments, I had to do it, every time I post now I get spam.
I swear on Bob Marley's grave that I'm going to write a book and I'm going to call it - "I Know What That Means: Seeing Through and Exposing the Bull$&*!" The revised edition of which will feature my patented "What it Really Means" translation dictionary!
There's an epidemic in this nation: people not saying what they really mean. Of course I don't want a bunch of little Chris Rocks running around, but PLEASE, everyone, stop trying to use inch thin lies to preserve a false sense of the status quo. In this case, what you don't want us to know that we already know, hurts us worse than if we did know what you really think.
Friends, employers, teachers, coaches, all think they're making things better by giving the other person, who in reality they are rejecting, a false sense of hope, instead of letting them down then and there and letting them move on with their life.
Well maybe this is really a good thing, you say.
Well I say you say nothing.
And it doesn't just annoy the person being lied to, definitely not, no one likes to put on a facade. Both parties know about the facade, it's blatantly there, so they both embrace it and put on a little play of politeness.
"this is just too painful, this playing-it-out"
PARTY A (initial BS'er) - stop BS'ing
PARTY B (person being BS'ed) - learn to see the facade, stop it before it starts, you could save a life, potentially your own.
and remember, "you mustn't walk so that a child may live."
and
"The best TV you've ever seen, where people say the things that they really mean" - The Barry Williams Show
'La-ckri-tiv-ity' ; LA-KRI-TI-VI-TEE: "a word Brett just made up to describe the barren wasteland that currently characterizes his idea bank. The sweet, elusive idea."
Uuugh, there is nothing going on in my life right now, and I use nothing in it's most literal form. "NO""-""THING". I've tried desperately to come up with some witty story to post, I can't even think of any top 10 list I could make, rock bottom. I sit in my room and I watch TV, I don't know why either; I hate it, I hate sitcoms, I hate commercials, I hate everything on it except King of Hill and the Simpsons but they're only on for three hours a day, so the rest of the time I "have to" sit through an endless parade of Jared's Subway commercials and what currently seems to be a million Chrysler ads.
(Seinfeld voice): What is the deal with the old man in the chrysler ads?! Was he a famous 1950's Chrysler salesman? Is he or was he the CEO? They suddenly bring this guy back and expect us to know who the crap he is. I've never seen him before in my life and suddenly we're supposed to know all his catch phrases? Sure, maybe there's some 50+ folk out there who recite "if there's a better car, buy it!" in unison, but what are the rest of us supposed to do!? We're left out. And then a tear fell from my rosey cheek.
Anyway, maybe he's the Dave Thomas of the car world! Or maybe he IS famous and I'm just an idiot, fair enough. I'd do some research on the guy, but luckily for you I'm too tired and don't care.
And Jared, oy vey. Sweet dude! You lost weight because you excercised! Dear Subway, no one cares anymore, in fact it's been two and half years since people cared, I think Jared has already paid off his plastic surgery bill, now, it's time to get a talking dog or something, something not hideous.
In the 'boring spokespersons hall of fame', Jared Fogle will be in the number 2 spot, right behind Winford Brimley's "Diabeedis" commercial. There, I said it.
I know, I'm cranky today, sorry, this post sucked...I'm getting rid of my TV, it'll all be better tomorrow.
Have a nice week and remember: "let the wind of harmony blow through your grassy hair"
FOX Sunday afternoon movies, one of the great treasures of life. It's the nosh that adds flavor to my rigorous daily routine. Every week the producers over at FOX 43 seem to reach deeper and deeper into the "please destroy" film archives and emerge with a dryer, more hyper violent, 90's B movie than was shown the week before, unless NASCAR is on. Usually, if we get lucky, they show us one well known movie, like Die Hard 2, The Crow or The Beaches. If we get really lucky, they show us two movies of lesser box office success, like Three Ninjas III: Battle of Magic Mountain or Police Academy XVIII: Mission to Hell. BUT, like this week, if we hit the jackpot, they show us three movies that never saw the light of day;
The first of the three movies I only caught the last half of, so I didn't catch the title. And I've tried desperately to figure out what the movie is called, I tried IMDB.com but I don't know any of the actor's names, all I know is that there's that one semi famous blonde actor who always played loveable father figures in the 90's, but I have no idea what his name is. I also tried searching for last weeks TV schedule, but to no avail. So I'll just painfully describe it to you...
What I caught of the movie was great, great film making...the story was about this guy with 90's "TV hair" I.E. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, the Kid from "Sidekicks" and every little boy to appear on Full House, you know, THAT hair. So, the guy with the TV hair is protecting this woman who has a tape which exposes the first ladies' sexual exploits, and could destroy the president. In the movie's big climax, the TV hair guy ends up having to make a choice, let his girlfriend get shot by the drug lord or give up the precious, incriminating video tape. Of course he gives up the tape, but the drug lord leaves them to die anyway. In a totally outrageous scene, Mr. TV hair overtakes five armed guards and then escapes. Yeah, so then TV hair guy and his girlfriend are running away when the drug lord appears and tries to shoot the girl, but TV hair guy has perfect timing and jumps in the way of the bullet, thus dying. Oy vey. The last scene of the film shows the woman at home when a package arrives, oh boy, it's a copy of the tape with a letter attached, "in case I didn't make it".
Uuuuuh. There were so many ways that TV hair could have avoided death, or anything dangerous for that matter. I guess giving in to the bad guy's demands is a big no no in an action film, even if he could have still been defeated, WITH A FREAKIN COPY OF THE TAPE, or better yet, TWENTY COPIES!!!!@#()$@#%
"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
The next fabulous movie was "Styx" starring Peter Wellers of Robocop fame. Well, I checked out the info for this movie at IMDB and apparently (to my surprise) this was made in 2001. I just assumed it was a 90's film because, well, it looks like it, and all the police cars were 1992 ford Taurus’s. My mistake. I'm almost positive that this film was the first failed attempt at a remake of Ocean's 11, or maybe Ronin. Wait, Ronin was made before 2001 right? So, ah never mind.
And finally, the worst film I have ever seen in my life, hands down, was the third delightful picture of the afternoon; "Diamond Men". It has no plot, no action, no point, no nothing...
Here’s the plot summary from IMDB:
"After 30 years on the road a veteran jewelry salesman is forced to show his young replacement the tricks of the trade. But when the kid introduces him to the ladies of the "Altoona Riding Club," the old dog is introduced to a whole new set of tricks."
Sounds fun. And apparently some people think it is. It has a 7.1 rating. I can't breathe.
And now, I just noticed that this was also made in 2000. Unbelievable. Maybe it's just the thick layer of grease coating the film that confuses me. I just don't know anymore.
SO, The only thing this movie does have, but probably shouldn't have, is Donnie Wahlberg. That's right, he was The Funky Bunch. I like Donnie, he’s got more attitude than Marky Mark and that’s important. In fact, he has more attitude than Vin Desil, he's more versitile than Desil AND his last name is Wahlberg, brother of Mark, B-list celebrity.
Dear Hollywood,
Donnie Wahlberg: xXx 3: Hail to the Chief. Get it done. Also starring Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Walken and Randy Quaid. Do it.
I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but Donnie’s starring role in this movie is about as notable as Vanilla Ice in Ninja Turtles II. There, I said it. But I guess this movie had no affect on Donnie’s success, because he will be appearing in the sequel to another one of my “favorite” movies; “Saw 2”. Hip Hip Hooray.
Now I'm just rambling, too busy thinking about how freakin Diamond Men has a 7.1 rating.
Have a nice day.
He helped usher the Beatles into their 'Magical Mystery' phase, now THE FAMOUS Maharishi is bringing his eastern mysticism to the heart of conservatism, McLean county! My prediction...BIG SUCCESS.
I found this newspaper clipping lying at the bottom of my bedroom stairs, placed there by my dad who knows that I enjoy this kind of crap. After staring at it for a while I began to feel confused and frightened, in a distant, ambiguous way. The ad (as seen above from the daily Pantagraph) has an artist's rendition of the "peace palace" which says "to be built in Bloomington", ok, so they just want to spread the word and start making appointments, maybe get employees lined up. I was curious as to how large this planned "peace palace" was going to be, so I browsed my way over to the PP web page. Was it going to be an actual palace? Was it going to look like a palace on the outside but only have like three rooms inside? Or perhaps it would be a tanning salon next to the Aeropostale at Eastland Mall. I needed to know, I needed answers, but the website told me nothing, but in telling me nothing it revealed the plans for a one world nation with the Maharishi as it's antichrist. There are no real pictures on the website, only a couple cheaply done 3-d images of non existent "peace palaces", some generic information about the programs offered and some other info for building developers. But then there's a link to an article called "Invincibility to Every Nation" which is nearly unreadable thanks to the lofty idealist jargon. The article keeps using the word "invincibility" in a way that makes me think that they were thinking that invincibility meant something else or that perhaps they meant to put in a different word, like, stability? Maybe? Anyway, the article goes on to talk about how world leaders and other government officials can come to Maharishi Vedic University in Holland to learn the art of Invincibility...I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, not until this moment, I will be attending MVU in the fall.
I know, this is going nowhere, but stay with me...The sponsoring organization of all this "peace palace" and maharishi university stuff is the 'Global Country of World Peace"...
Google > search said organization > And here's their creedo if you want to decipher it, just for kicks..."Welcome to the official Portal of the Global Country of World Peace, which enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nations. In this scientific age we can create a Prevention-Oriented, Problem-Free Administration in any country through the application of the knowledge of total Natural Law—the Constitution of the Universe, which guides the infinite diversity of the ever-expanding universe with perfect order—discovered by the physical sciences (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, etc.) and sung by all the religions of the world as the Will of God. With the full support of Total Natural Law the world can now enjoy a new world order of affluence and peace."
In the words of Val Kilmer's Bruce Wayne "it just raises too many questions", especially to discuss in non book form, but here's the mother of all riddles: Why does a sentence discussing religious unity mention the Will of God?
And finally, to end this long and pointless essay, here's a snippet from above quote which nicely illustrates why world unity scares the *#%! out of me..."The global country of world peace enjoys a parental and nourishing role in the family of nation".
"World unity disquised as world unity is the most dangerous form of world unity" ~ Brett Warren
The Army: "Accelerate Your Death".
Just kidding Luke, Though I will be extremely jealous if you get a war wound. And I'll be right behind you once they bring back the draft, I've got my fingers crossed. Aah! I want to kill, but not voluntarily.
Yessssssss, so I finished my one summer class today, Humanities 101, which was a very brief summary of every art form, ever. Pretty useless, but the teacher did have an english accent, so that was something, mmm hmm.
I'll try to get a couple new a stories a week on this site if I can, but my internet connection is a piece of crap right now. It took me about 45 minutes just to post this.
AAAAaaaND. I'm also looking for someone else to write the occasional story for the site, so if you want to do it, just e-mail me. Pleaaase.
I was watching TV the other day. It was FOX afternoon programming which consists of infomercials, Dharma and Greg and a few judge shows. But crammed into all that fabulous television is the greatest show of them all, a show that somehow surpasses Mad TV, current SNL and Suddenly Susan in terms of craptasticness...
Vin Di Bona, the man who brought such shows as; "Show Me The Funny", "The World's Funniest Videos", "America's Funniest Pets", "America's Funniest People", "America's Funniest HOME Videos", "Animal Crackups" and "America's Funniest Boating Accidents" now brings us "That's Funny" starring our host Rondell Sheridan, of Zoog Disney fame, aka the fifth whitest black man on the planet, right behind Cuba Gooding Jr., the Gumbel brothers and Wayne Brady.
The best part of "That's Funny" is that it tells us that it's funny, we don't have to try and make the distinction for ourselves any longer. It's funny, laugh. But unfortunately, if you ignore or didn't catch the title and are viewing it after it's already started, then it's simply "Not Funny", still starring Rondell Sheridan, the fifth whitest black man.
The second best part of the show is how every clip is pre 1992, nothing after. Is there nothing funny after that year? Maybe not, but maybe people post 92 got wise and realized that standing in line to perform stupid human tricks and other 1920’s slapstick in a mall food court is a waste of time. Maybe.
And my third favorite part of the show is how much I love comedy made by left brained people! It’s like my high school principal hosting a talent show, “I enjoy the occasional humor in my diet, to add a little spice to my daily routine, a ha, mmm yes.”
In conclusion, Vin Di Bona needs to give up on trying to revive what I call “deflected humor” which includes prop humor, body tricks or any other form of comedy that does not involve satire or commentary of any kind.
In fact, he needs to start a new show, hosted by Christopher Walken that brings back the old Shakespearean form of burlesque, farcical mockeries and he can call it “You’re an Idiot!”
and ain't it grand...
That's right, let the good times roll, we're back kids. If you want to know about any potential future long periods of time where there won't be anything new on the site, send an e-mail to whosinthenews@hotmail.com and say "I like pie" or "sign me up, fo real" and I will sign you up for the newsletter which I probably won't be able to figure out how to make work anyway.
Or maybe you don’t want to, maybe you like the excitement of checking the site everyday for new material, in that case, keep on checkin’.
Aaaah, so, what have I been doing this summer? Quite a bit actually, quite a bit. And I don't remember most of it, in fact I don’t remember much of anything, BUT, there have been a couple summer blockbusters that I never really wrote reviews for...
Batman Begins: The Imax experience - I already wrote a very positive review for Batman Begins, but I feel like I need to add some more thoughts after seeing it at an Imax theater last night. Ok, I absolutely loved this movie the first few times I saw it, but last night there were some things that kind of annoyed me or fell really flat. I'm not sure what happened, but a few of the previously small flaws seemed glaring to me now...
1. Katie Holmes just can't act, at all. Her expression for angry, in love, shocked and serious all look the same. It's like Derek Zoolander's "blue steel" look.
2. The death of Bruce Wayne's parent's has almost no emotional impact on me whatsoever. Maybe I'm totally desensitized, but I felt like I was trying to force myself to feel sad or stunned during the Wayne parent's death scene. Before I saw the film I knew that (for me at least) much of the believability of Bruce's character would hinge on whether or not you could identify with his pain, which would be accomplished through his parent’s murder. I know (in this movie) that the Wayne's murder is supposed to place the focus on evil men who created Joe Chill, but I still don't think there's nearly enough shock value. In Batman 89 you feel genuinely frightened during Bruce's flashback to his parent's death. The faceless evil comes out of the darkness and kills his parents for no real reason, it‘s a tragedy. In 'Begins' the murder is portrayed as too much of a fluke, an accident, so it's really not that painful.
3. The fight scenes, aaah. Didn't bother me in the least the first few times and I was even wondering why some people were complaining about them, but NOW...I can't see a friggin thing! There are times, like when Batman beats up the men at the docks, when the close-up, jumbled fight scenes work great. But I REALLY think that AT LEAST the last fight between Batman and Ras on the train should have been more Matrix-esque.
Other than those things, the movie is wonderful and still leaps and bounds above the previous bat films.
Aaand the next movie...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm still not sure what to think of this movie. Overall I enjoyed it, it's fun, but the mood of the film is kind of confusing. It's like a sugar coated kiddy movie with dark elements seeping through in places. It has Tim Burton's trademarks working as a thin skeleton which prop up these freakishly bright images.
The original Wonka created a magical place based within in the real world of groovy 1960's Germany. The new film tries to create those same magical elements such as the golden ticket contest and all the crazy personalities of the kids, in a much more confined, imaginary world, which reminded me of Ron Howard's Whoville. I really think most of the point (and magic) of the Charlie and the Chocolate factory story is based on being able to identify with Charlie and the desperation he feels. In this new film, Charlie lives in a fanciful world where desperation and poverty seem unreal and much of the sadness we're supposed to feel for Charlie is deflected by our investigation in Wonka's bizarre past which comes across as a cutesy side story or something.
Anyway, I’m done bashing. This film succeeds for a few reasons.
1. Burton's little evil twists and biting humor usually works. There are some hilarious moments in the film and some really strange humor that sets this one apart from the old Wonka. My favorite scene being when the contest winners enter the gates of the factory and watch Wonka's it’s-a-small-world-like animatronics who sing a song and then catch fire, melting into scary, disfigured robots right in front of the children and their parent‘s.
1. CGI - I hate it, I love it, I hate it...The magical world of Wonka's factory is finally realized now thanks to technology. His workshop is a far more expansive and imaginative place than it was in the old film.
3. And thirdly, of course, Johnny Depp is a freakin genius. The man can act (though some people may disagree "acting like a pirate is easy"). He succeeds in setting apart his Wonka from Gene Wilders, creating an equally loveable and equally unique figure, which is what was needed.
Back to my summer happenings: Luke is now living in my room. He’s been leeching off my room for days now with no end in sight.
It aaaalllllll started last week when his parents inexplicably kicked him out of his house. Luke says he didn’t do anything to cause it, and I believe him, but only because his old man is pure evil.
Anyway, maybe he'll write a story about it, I dunno, he may still be too bitter to discuss it, but hopefully he will reveal his tricks of the homeless trade and also discuss his plans for the future…and when the crap he’s going to leave.
What did I do today? Thanks for asking. Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll, Luke and I were driving back from old Nashville today. We were nearing Champaign, Illinois, close to home, when I started to lose consciousness. I had succumbed to what is known as “road hypnosis” which is caused by staring at the lines in the road...and this happened...REFER TO MAP>>>
Yep. Biggest detour ever. Remember: Click it or ticket it, booze it or looze it, drive hammered, get nailed and most importantly of all: "Keep your eyes on the prize and off the yellow line".
Well, it's the first of July, and I woke up like I do on any other day. I had gone to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 7:00 in the morning. Like usual I thought I had to work but I got lucky and got called off for the day. Now this is where the real story starts. My mom came downstairs and told me that somebody was coming to look at our house and that I should leave as soon as possible. Well, I'm about to walk out the door until I realize that I have no vehicle to drive around in. With nothing else to do, I decided to set out on a journey. This was a journey that I will never forget. I packed up my backpack and headed from my home in Normal to my Brett's house in Towanda. It took roughly two hours and you can look it up on mapquest if you really have to know how far it was. I managed to find several oasis' on the way and one lagoon. Once I parted from Constitution trail, I knew I was a free man. The grain bins and water tower, in Towanda, were my north star as I set out onto the quiet backroads of Illinois. I am pretty proud of myself for making it without a compass and almost getting hit by a John Deere tractor. It followed me for a mile or so until I ran out of energy. I thought I was a goner. Fortunately, it drove on by and I kept on trecking. That's pretty much the end of this story. It's not quite as interesting as I thought it would be. I may take random biking trips in the future because I actually enjoyed it. Could I go cross country? Only time will tell. Could I ride to the tip of South America? Only time will tell.
Yes kids, I'm still here, still alive and will eventually return the site to it's former glory. Here's a little piece of art I made just now for you to enjoy, so enjoy it, or else, don't. It's called "The Rise and Fall of the Mechanization of the Title-less Generation Number 5"
Since I didn't write a review for it I just need to say GO SEE BATMAN BEGINS if you have not, it's excellent, absotifusdfsfjwekfjly excellent. Thank you film piracy, now I only have to wait less than four months before movies come out on DVD. See! Good does come from evil. It's so freaking late right now...yeah I'm going to bed.
Have a nice rest of the summer, and I will see you again soon!
El Bretto.
Well hello there. I was painting the hallway today when I realized why I was destined for greatness. I had the tv on in the other room and after "Ambush Makeover" there was a paid advertisement for 'Eye Q'. The proven Japanese method to improve reading comprehension. I love infomercials, they're not that different from regular commercials. They're really just like one 30 second commercial repeated fifty slightly different ways. It repeats itself, yet as it goes on it adds upon it's initial claim. Starting with "Improve your reading comprehension in just seven minutes! Go from 50 words per minute to 1500! Notice improvement after just one session!!!" At first it seemed to good to be true. But then they showed some former cop turned Oprah associate/ inner city reading program teacher thing. She told a very convincing story about how when she was a cop she would break into crack houses and notice that there were no books. So she made it her mission in life to bring books to the ghetto. Then she realized that little hoodlums do not like to read. So how was she supposed to teach them to enjoy it? By using a seizure inducing Japanese computer program, that's how. She started getting teary eyed during her story, I was convinced. Now that I was convinced, the infomercial added upon the initial claim of improved reading. "Scientists say that people only use 20 percent of their brain power! What if you could use the other 80 percent!!!??" Well, you probably have the power of telekinesis or be able to foresee that Eye Q will go bankrupt.The program says that it improves ALL brain and eye related functions. This is then verified by a REAL optometrist. "Believe you me, this will make you like a god. Not THE God, but a god! Like me, a REAL optometrist."
!!!!
Staaaaaaar waaars. The final chapter has come. It's almost surreal because it's something I've been waiting for and hypothesizing in my mind for so long. In a way, I've created the hype for myself. That, combined with the media hype has created almost insurmountable expectations for this movie. So, let's begin shall we?...
DISCLAIMER: Everything that follows is fanboy jibberish and will probably be disregarded by me at a later date...
Me, Clint, BS, Luke and my brother Alex all headed to the palace theater for the midnight showing. I was actually expecting it to be not that crowded but when we got there we discovered a line that went from the front doors to almost completely around the building. It was nuts. There was the occasional lightning in the distance, the sprinkling of rain, it was a sign from above, Alec Guiness himself speaking from beyond telling us that all is well. There were costumed girls prancing around asking questions about Jar Jar Binks, there was Russel Rush waddling around with his microphone doing a remote for WBNQ todays hot hot hits station. The excitment was in the air...
Then finally we sat in the theater, in an almost perfect spot, we were ready...
"Lucasfilm Ltd."...
and the crowd began to cheer. It begins...
BAM, right out of the box the movie is "action packed and in your face" ~ Brett Warren of whosinthenews.
I was pleasantly surprised at the fast pace and how different the dialogue was from the previous films. The humor and exchange of lines is so much better in this film.
What makes this movie so much better than the first two films is how stuff is actually interesting, even those Anakin/Padme love scenes that we had to suffer through in the previous movies were now semi-enjoyable. Every scene is just an assault on the senses and beautifully done.
One of the things I was worried about before seeing this was whether it would make me believe that Anakin was actually powerful. It does, besides being physically bigger the film establishes right off the bat that he's powerful as seen in his deul with Dooku.
Probably my biggest surprise and the thing I enjoy the most was how awesome Ian McDirmad's performance is. All of his lines and deliveries are just amazing. There's a LOT of discussion about the sith which I'm really glad they decided to give some explanation.
I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts together when it comes to this movie. There's just so much to take in, so I'll just say that Revenge of the Sith really accomplishes everything it needed to. It's fun, action packed, has improved acting, interesting story line, amazing visuals, ties up loose strings and makes every character believable. All of these elements form an excellent springboard into the next trilogy.
After watching the movie for the second time I immediately came home and watched A New Hope. It was so surreal. The two trilogies flow together almost seamless now. Everything has so much more meaning and urgency.
My only real complaints besides the few things that were on my wish list, were; the bad CGI in places (which can be fixed later) and Darth Vader's "NOOooooooooooooooo!!" after he is created seemed kind of weak. The order or pacing of the last few scenes is kind of awkward. There's nothing really wrong with it, it just seems almost like the movie ends with a montage. I can't quite put my finger on it. But it's not a real problem. Anyway, sorry for the incoherent quickie review. This is one of the best Star Wars movies and even if you’re not a fan of the series it’s still a fun movie you’ll enjoy, so GO NOW AND VIEW IT YOU WILL!
I give it 7.745/10 nerfherders
---------------------
OK, I saw it again last night, my head is clear, I swear I'll have a full review by TONIGHT! or else. something bad will happen to me. Good day.
------------------------
YES! Finally saw it. GO. SEE. IT. NOW! Easily one of the top three Star Wars films, absolutely action packed and the acting has improved by leaps and bounds. And the best part, you actually believe Anakin is powerful. Ian McDirmid aka Palpatine is fantastic in this film! Wow. Only a few small complaints for this movie which I'll try to review later tonight. I really need to see it again, there's just so much to soak in, but I'll try. GO SEE IT NOW GO! DO IT! AAAaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!
------------------------
The day of the premier is approaching! Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is almost here, just a couple days and I'll have a nice long review/nostalgia post for you all to read. I'm getting teary eyed thinking about the saga coming to an end, hmmm. Yep, well, everyone go see it!!!! George Lucas needs cash!!!
---------------------------
SIXTY FIVE excruciatingly long days left until the FINAL installment of the Star Wars trilogy arrives in theaters! ADjweoicjwpioecjpwioejfpIOJPEFJOPWIERJfo!!!! Yesssssss!
The newest and longest trailer recently debuted (during the O.C. on FOX, but I downloaded it online because I wouldn't watch the OC even if they were showing the whole movie during the commercial break) and I must say it met all my nerdy expectations, "best trailer ever". It start out all evil and slow, with the emperor seducing Anakin and then BAM, the action kicks in and thousand spectacular images race by. MMmmmm someone please build me a time machine because I can't wait 65 days.
So now I'm going to go and plan what costume I'll be wearing for the premiere. Maybe I'll go as George Lucas, grow out my beard - check, look depressed - check, flannel shirt and jeans- check, I'm good to go.
--------------------------------
Get your costumes on and go stand in line! La estrella guerrea el episodio III Venganza del Sith is almost here!!! Only 219 days aways!! WOOOOOOO!!!! That's only like 19 more days until only 200 left and then only 100 more until 100 and then like only 7 weeks after that. This movie will be so freakin' sweet that you will bow down at the throne of George Lucas and repent for doubting his prequal trilogy! HUZZAAAAH!!!
Last night Luke and I and a few other friends decided to have a happy-fun-time get together at one at of our friend's house. We weren't really sure where we were going or how long it would take to get there, but we just kept following and following...and following. We left from Bloomington and then just kept driving and driving and driving, and driving, on the longest straightest most unchanging road in existence. It was like the first 15 minutes of 'Manos the Hands of Fate'. After we had already circumnavigated the globe for the third time I decided to put on the cruise control and hop into the backseat, take a nap and do some homework. When I woke up we were in outer space. It was like being on the moon. There was no sound whatsoever, nothing but flat open land for miles and you could see every star in the sky. I went out and sat on the enormous lawn just listening to nothing except the occasional wolf or coyote cry in the distance and the sound of blood rushing past my eardrums. I started to get dizzy, vertigo I think, it happens whenever I'm in a geographical location that lacks visible landmarks. Without a point of reference I feel like I'm about to go flying off the earth, whisked into the vacuum of space.
To add to the creepiness, the house looked like the one from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, minus the clotheslines with sheets drying in the front yard. Well, Luke and I were bored out of our minds so we decided to try and drive home which we already knew was going to be disastrous and I was low on gas and didn't have time to search for the right way to go. When you're going back whence ye came, your minds starts playing tricks on you. Or maybe we were in hell and the landscape actually warped causing previous landmarks to disappear. Either way, we were freaking out, "It's over dude!" Luke would say to me every five minutes. And he was right, but I kept driving anyway, my blood pressure was rising, I was speaking in toungues and the road just kept looking more and more unfamiliar. After we tried going left, then right, then straight, then backwards, we just went back to the haunted house and stayed the night. The trip back this morning wasn't trouble free either, but we got back, eventually. The moral of this story is this, don't live IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN NOWHERE!!!!!!The other moral is this, don't INVITE PEOPLE TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE IF YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN NOWHERE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaGHGGHGH!!!mmmm aaah. I'm fine now. Ah, eh he he. Luke said "dude, we're gonna be laughing about this tomorrow"...mmmm...No. We're not. Do you think that people during wartime say that to each other? No. And this experience was far more traumatizing than any war.
Tagline: Two of them are Jews, all of them confused, and this summer; they don't know from dinosaurs.
Jeff Goldblum..................................Ian Malcolm*
Owen Wilson....................................Richard Levine*
Woody Allen.....................................Donald Genarro*
Samuel L. Jackson............................John Arnold*
Jack Black.........................................John Hammond*
Jonah Hill.........................................R.B. "Arby" Benton
Parker Posey.....................................Kelly Curtis
Will Ferrell........................................Lewis Dodgson*
Keanu Reeves...................................Henry Wu*
*rumors of deaths in film and or book were greatly exaggerated.
Music by Tangerine Dream and David Bowie
Synopsis: After having his life endangered twice by John Hammond in JP and TLW, Ian Malcolm tricks him into going on a vacation to Costa Rica. Little does John know that Malcolm is actually taking him back to Isla Nublar where he plans on feeding the old man to the dinosaurs. However, upon their arrival they discover that two random children, a snobby rich paleontologist, and his girlfriend have stowed away in their carry-on luggage. For good measure they bring along Genarro (the greasy lawyer) to pay settlements to the half eaten ghosts of the island's diceased former employees. Meanwhile, Ingen-rival Lewis Dodgson follows the group to the island incognito, unaware that they have led him to the source of the coveted dino dna. Bringing along his group of stow-awayed scientists Dodgson brews up a new batch of prehistoric beasts that he can't control.
Levine (Owen Wilson): "John, I mean c'mon, what's up with this place? There were like these dinosaurs...came outta nowhere, they were trying to eat us or somethin', I'm just sitting there trying to enjoy my whopper jr and...there they are! Not a great experience amigo"
Genarr0 (Woody Allen): "um, *cough* the last time I saw a creature that vicious was when my mother-in-law *clears throat* excuse me, was still living"
Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum): Uh! John...no, and, uh, no. Uh...this, this is how it begins. Ooh, aah, just like before, but... now there's running and...screaming and... touching, always touching. There are, ah, too many dinosaurs on this dinosaur tour."
Wu (Keanu Reeves): "My dearest Mina, the count has requested that I remain a guest at his dinosaur park for yet another three months, do pray I send my love, and my most excellent English accent..."
Dodgson (Will Ferrell): "I'm going to steal all of your dinosaur eggs, John Hammond, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I'm going to put them into this bag and keep them all for myself and raise them as my own children."
here I is, enjoying "downtown" Disney with the great emancipator himself: Abraham Lincoln, who (apparently) is too cool for New Salem.
The amazing 'brown dancing bird', I wanted to capture one but I just didn't have the heart to cage him and and make him dance for my pleasure, hours on end until his tiny bird legs collapse.
I call this one "I'm about to kick the bird into the ocean"
Aaawww, more peaceful birds! Ca-caw! Ca-Caw! TOOKIE TOOKIE!!!!!!
Oh CRAP. RUN.
Here's my favorite, it's very impressionisticly depressing.
The fabulous OUTRIGGER beach resort! Home of suburban swingers for over fifty years!
Our hotel room, recently and surperbly cleaned by one of the many Dominicanos.
^Enlarged for your desktop wallpapering pleasure. 
This was about as sunny as it got...but then I remembered how FREAKING COLD it is here, and I was fine.
These birds were planning their break in for later that night. They were positive little timmy had more french fries.
It's so cute, they think I don't know what they're up to.
Very national-geographic-ish.
